Chapter 21: Madison! (4)
As his memories of Katie and Sam surfaced, so to did other memories. He'd asked Jacob for advice on how to get a girlfriend and Jacob had replied that at Jack's age, he should focus on just going out on lots of dates with lots of different girls. "You can't know what you really want, if all you've ever had is vanilla ice cream. Try all the flavors first, then when you finally pick a flavor, you can do so, certain that it's the right choice." So, he had dredged up the courage to ask a girl out on several occasions. Each time, the girl had firmly declined. And each time, they had done so with a distinct tone of disgust. He'd complained to Jacob, who had just encouraged him to keep trying. But after the fifth rejection, he'd given up. If the rejections had been polite, or neutral, he would have kept trying, but because each rejection was given in disgust, he had begun to think there was something wrong with him, something inherent about him that girls found disgusting. But, with Madison's confession came the possibility that all those rejections had instead been a result of her machinations.
Clamping down a growing mélange of emotions, he asked, "Was it just Katie and Sam? Did you warn off other girls?"
"Um..do you remember when you shared the advice Jacob gave you?"
He shook his head. He did not, but he had a growing suspicion.
"So, um...it was really obvious who you were going to ask out, long before you actually made a move."
How? How could she have known that? But, regardless of how, he could connect the dots. If she knew who he was going to ask, then she could have secretly said something to them. And clearly that something was not flattering. Otherwise, why would they have responded in disgust, instead of politely declining?
It had been so hard that first time. To build up the courage to ask a girl out. To open himself up like that. And each time after that had been harder and harder. He almost didn't ask that fifth time. The weight of previous disgusted rejections weighing on him. But he'd forced himself to do it, anyway. Not wanting to give in to his fears. Not yet willing to accept the possibility that there was something wrong with him. And now he knew that there wasn't something wrong with him. It had not been his failure. It had been Madison's machinations that had led to his suffering. His self doubt. His withdrawal into himself. Rage slowly grew as the truth was finally revealed.
Still not making eye contact with him, she continued, "You would keep looking at them more than any other person. And you had this look on your face like you couldn't decide if you wanted to leap into a pit of snakes or run away. It was..."
He grabbed her shoulders and shoved her away from himself, pushing her off him to one side, causing her to tumble onto the floor. He stood, filled with furious energy, fists clenched, and stared down at her. His anger was so deep that it was everything he could do to not attack her, to hurt her, to make her feel the pain he had felt; was feeling.