The Villainess Is An SS+ Rank Adventurer

… Very well!

It was time to take drastic action!

Granted, I had no idea why the Snow Dancer’s ducks would visit just when I was about to enjoy tea and cake with my siblings. But I knew I didn’t need to know. And more importantly, neither did they.

A problem.

If her ducks were present, it meant she was as well.

In just a few short moments, an insane elven woman would make her appearance, likely crashing through an unrelated building, hopping across to the balcony and somehow landing directly into Roland’s heroic arms.

That alone was so outrageous that even the thought of it was enough to cause any princess to faint, and yet it was nothing compared to whatever scandalous things she had to say.

Indeed, I didn’t need my fabled princess senses for this.

The Snow Dancer was clearly up to something.

Except that while I’d expected her to sneak through my bedroom window and land in the bucket of adhesive smoothie ingredients Coppelia had prepared, to instead directly intrude upon a royal gathering was audacious even by her standards.

That meant … I had no time to waste!

I needed to immediately find Apple and convince him to gallop for the first time in his life.

Not to flee, but to help set an ambush.

If I tossed her ducks into the lake beside the Royal Villa, she’d be forced to swim after them and in the process draw the ire of the local giant aquatic monster.

After all, if being punted away by [Spring Breeze] wasn’t enough, then a grumpy swing of a huge spiked tail most certainly would be … probably!

Thus, with my well-worked plan formed in approximately five seconds, I hurried down the cafe stairs, all the while carrying a pair of ducks in my arms that were far heavier than I’d anticipated.

Luckily, the door opened without me needing to perform any juggling tricks.

“Oh, ‘scuse me, ma’am,” said a bearded farmer, stepping past me with a crate of strawberries. “... Afternoon delivery! Anyone here?”

I paused, forgetting what I needed to do as a sheen of ripened red called out to me.

Happily, however, a member of staff was on hand to direct me to the menu item featuring the strawberries, their footsteps pattering across the wooden floor as they rushed to meet the delivery farmer.

“–Here! I’m here! Don’t go anywhere!”

Or so I mistakenly thought.

After all, the one who answered was neither the proprietor nor a waitress.

Instead, it was a certain elven woman with silver hair, a bead of sweat running past her brow. And while I knew only one such person in my life, it still required several moments before I recognised Ophelia the Snow Dancer.

After all … she was wearing an apron.

And also a knitted sweater.

Gone was the slightly scandalous attire consisting of a short dress and ballroom shoes. Instead, she wore something commoners might wear when they had no princesses to disturb, her silver hair bunched into a messy bun as she reached out to receive the crate of freshly delivered strawberries.

I gawped in disbelief.

“Ooh! These look nice. They came just in time as well!”

“Just in time is how I’d describe these as well. Freshly picked. Fully ripened. Best of the summer lot. You won’t find better in all of Reitzlake.”

“That’s great! … Do I need to do anything? Sorry, I’m new here. I don’t know if I need to pay.”

“Payment’s already done. No need to worry about that. The old madame is busy again, aye?”

“Yeah, she’s got a bunch of secret guests nobody’s supposed to know about. They booked out the whole place as if they owned everything. What a day for me to start my first real job, huh?”

“Hah, that’s how it always is. I’m sure you’ll do fine. Anyway, you have a pleasant day, ma’am.”

“Thanks! You too!”

Hm?

Hmmm?

Hmmmmmmmmmmm???

My mind blanked as Ophelia watched the farmer pass me by.

Then, cheerfully pretending not to notice me at all, she turned around with her crate of strawberries and practically skipped around the corner.

I remained utterly frozen.

Eventually, the ducks hopped from my arms as boredom overtook them.

I glanced back at the door, confused as to why I wasn’t needing to flee.

A moment later, I cautiously followed the ducks as they waddled to a doorway tucked away in the corner of the cafe, leading to a kitchen the Snow Dancer had absolutely no legal reason to occupy.

Peeking inside, I caught her side profile as she busied herself with a mixing bowl, all the while surrounded by a litany of ingredients required for baking. And baking she did.

A heavy-duty stone oven was in use, filling the air with the rich fragrance of melting butter.

However, even if the scent matched that of the royal kitchens, none of the patissiers ever whisked while humming. In fact, they were usually weeping.

“Hm hm hm hm hmm ♫.”

I rubbed my eyes.

And then I rubbed my eyes some more.

Despite this, what I saw neither changed nor became clearer. And so all I experienced was pain.

Just pain. Not even confusion. My head simply hurt.

“Ah, there you are!” said Ophelia to her returning ducks. “I was wondering where you wandered off to. You couldn’t wait to try my extra flaky feuilleté aux pommes et amandes, huh? But the stuff upstairs is for the customers. That means you get your own.”

Ophelia leaned to one side, then pinched off several pieces of golden pastry for her ducks.

They happily nibbled away.

Quack, quack.

For a moment, I considered what to do.

All of my options were simple. Retreat and pretend I saw nothing. Everything else was simply going to result in more pain. And yet to be a princess was to live a life of sacrifice.

Thus, I raised my arms in utter exasperation.

“W-What is this … ?!”

The Snow Dancer turned to me, her eyes widening as she feigned a gasp.

“Hm? Oh … oh noooo, what do I do? A princess has accidentally caught me in my casual homewear look while I’m showing off my baking skills. I’m so embarrassed.”

“Why are you in casual homewear attire?! Why are you showing off baking skills?! This … This is a cafe, no?! Why are you dressed like this?! Is this an advanced form of robbery? Instead of stealing food, you steal the ingredients while using the kitchen of whoever you burgle?!”

“Nope, not this time! I’m officially on my trial shift.”

“Your trial shift?! … Are you working here?!”

“I mean, that’s up to the lady upstairs, but I’m pretty sure she’s impressed so far. And let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. She’s almost as hard to please as your granny.”

“Please do not refer to my grandmother as granny! … And why are you even working here?! What is your purpose?! What sinister plot is this?!”

“It’s no plot. But if it was, I’d definitely be giving up when I saw I had to get up before the sun’s even out. Cafes are cute and all, but baking is anything but. Everything has to be done in time for the lunch rush. I was really worried when the strawberries weren’t appearing. I needed them for the shortcake.”

It was truly extraordinary.

With every word she spoke, she only left me with more questions than I could voice.

Even so, there was only one which clearly took priority.

“The shortcake … ?”

“Mmh. Take a look!”

Leaning to one side, Ophelia tugged away the linen cloth hiding a plate.

What was revealed caused me to gawp even more.

There it was. The sparkling image of a shortcake.

Three tiers of golden sponge, with whipped cream immaculately presented in the shape of white roses.

Ophelia wasted no time.

In a flurry of movement, she tossed the strawberries from the nearby crate into the air, snipped away the leafy ends with a knife, then flicked them into place between the splodges of whipped cream.

“Want a bite?” she said as she sliced up a portion.

I stared.

Then, wiping the drool from my mouth, I shook my head and retreated.

… Yes, even if retreating meant walking forwards.

“A-Absolutely not! Why, I have no idea what you’ve put inside that!”

“Ehhh, it’s nothing weird. It’s just the usual ingredients, except to my own measurements since recipe books are useless.”

I let out a gasp.

“How dare you! That is even more reason not to indulge! Baking is not an art where ingredients can be splattered upon the walls! You must follow instructions exactly!”

“Instructions don’t take into account the freshness of the ingredients or the size of the oven. These things are important. If I follow the recipe books, everything I make will definitely turn out overdone. That’d mean re-doing everything from scratch. I don’t have time for that. The owner doesn’t know what you guys want to eat, so I’m having to make everything just in case.”

“Why is the owner even allowing you to bake for royalty?! You are new!”

“Yeah, but the two guys I’m meant to be helping went upstairs to have a chat with the 1st Princess. I dunno where they went. It’s been ages.”

I groaned.

Suddenly, I thought about the two men comatose on the balcony, having fallen victim to Florella’s beautiful smile.

Something that was a very real issue.

“I see … then it appears the expectations of my siblings must now be met by you.”

“Easy.”

“On the contrary, there’s scarcely anything more difficult. No matter what you’ve done that might have impressed a very desperate owner, it’s most certainly not enough to live up to the standards required to serve the guests today.”

“Standards are for the two guys who vanished. I’ve tried the stuff here. It’s a 7/10. Just. But if you nibble on my strawberry shortcake, I’ll guarantee you’ll give it an 11/10!”

I was appalled.

Why, it was an outrageous statement!

Not only was the very idea that the Snow Dancer could wield a whisk as anything other than a weapon shocking, but to go on to claim that her strawberry shortcake could get a better than perfect score was beyond all imagination!

They were my favourite dessert! And also snacks! And maybe breakfast too!

True, it did look particularly good. But I was a princess and my expectations were unremitting. Not only would I refuse to eat anything offered by a wanted criminal, but to enjoy it was … was …

“W-Wha … ?” I blinked as I chewed on a piece of shortcake my treasonous hands had picked up. “What is … why is this … ?”

Ophelia leaned forwards slightly, her smile filling my eyes.

All I saw was a golden light as the taste of strawberry shortcake filled my very soul. I marvelled at the texture. At the moist sponge that was somehow both crumbly and fluffy, and at the delicate richness of the whipped cream, so airy it could be eaten by the spoonful.

It was … it was …

Wonderful.

“Go on,” said Ophelia, nodding enthusiastically. “It’s the best shortcake you’ve ever tried, huh?”

“Thisch … thisch is … not good at all,” I said as I continued eating, unable to stop myself. “Itsh the worstch … I’ve ever eaten …”

“Ah? In that case, that’s no good. I’ll just toss this thing away.”

“Wait!” I swallowed the rest of my slice, then instantly came between her and the remaining shortcake. “This … it might not be good enough for royalty, but it’s fine for common customers! Where … Where did you even learn to bake this?! Did you attend culinary classes?!”

“Nope! I have a lot of housekeeping skills.”

“Excuse me?”

“I'm amazing at everything I do. That means lots of hobbies. It's not just baking I can do. There’s also cooking, painting, cleaning, household budgeting plus the ability to play 57 different musical instruments to a professional standard. I also like knitting. This sweater was made by me.”

She plucked at what she wore. My eyes widened in surprise.

At first glance, it was the plainest garment she could have worn, shorn of sequins or pattern. And yet the material was almost certainly a wool famed for its fragility, where even if a single thread snapped, the entire thing would unravel during the knitting process.

The Snow Dancer … could she be useful for things other than thieving?!

“Sooooooooooo,” she said, twirling a strand of hair. “By any chance, now that you’ve seen me like this, do you–”

“Wait! Stop at once!”

To my horror, the Snow Dancer wore a maidenly smile–and so it was time to cross my arms.

After all, it was the same smile she’d worn the last time she’d climbed through a window.

“Whatever you’re about to scandalously ask, know that it is useless! I am currently immune to all efforts to steal me away from my tower! Why, my finances are now so secure that nothing can possibly be worthy of being a bribe for my hand! … In short, I cannot be bought!”

Ophelia wasn’t the least bit dismayed.

In fact, her smile was filled with confidence.

“In that case, I have something expensive enough to at least buy a better tower!”

She held out her palms, revealing something that made me blink.

It was, like before, a precious gemstone.

Except that while the previous one had been so dazzling that it’d caused me to wince more than any sunlight through the curtains, this one was something far darker.

It was a diamond.

Or rather what was once a diamond. Because while the glimmering exterior remained, what existed within was something no diamond could naturally boast. It was a sliver of ruby and night intertwined, alive with its own light, pulsing as though it were a beating heart.

“One diamond, as requested,” said Ophelia proudly. “Except this one’s special.”

I leaned slightly away.

Even so, I suspected it wasn’t enough.

The diamond was curious, yes … but it was also clearly ominous!

Why, unless I was mistaken, I could almost hear it hissing!

“Excuse me, but why does this diamond appear so … well, evil?”

“That’s probably because it is. Oh boy. You’ve got no idea how annoying this was to piece together. I had to have this imaginary fight with a semi-naked guy in my head and then my mother needed to help a little too. Neither are going to let me forget that. Devils, huh? Always a pain.”

I blinked in utter non-understanding.

“A devil?”

“Yup! There’s a devil bound inside this diamond. It’s the guy with the hats. You know, the one with the stabbable face. I figured you’d like it.”

Ophelia hopped slightly, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks.

All I could do was look between her and the devil infused diamond, having understood little other than the fact that it was for me.

“I see … am I understanding that this is being offered as an engagement gift?”

“Mmh!”

I raised an eyebrow.

At Ophelia. At the evil diamond. And also the stabbable face deep within.

A moment later, I plucked the gemstone from her palms.

“Thank you for the gift,” I said, nodding as I straightened myself. “However, a diamond infused with the essence of a devil is wholly inappropriate as an engagement gift. It is a thing of pure wickedness wishing to corrupt all around it. If you are to give me a diamond, it must be as pure as starlight.”

Ophelia let out a groan.

Then, she scooped up her ducks and stood before the nearest window.

“Alright! I’ll get another one. I’m ready. Punt me away.”

She closed her eyes and waited.

When nothing happened, she cautiously peeked at me.

I hardly saw why. I was a gentle princess. Especially when my siblings were nearby.

Moreover, while I didn’t quite know how she’d acquired such a diamond, it was clear that this was no small feat. A considerable amount of effort had gone not only into its creation, but also choosing to confront a devil who was doubtless guaranteed to become a minor nuisance someday in the future.

Thus, I rewarded her with a princess’s gift.

A smile.

“It’s far too early in the day to begin punting anyone,” I said, pleased at the gormless reaction. “Besides, while I’m afraid I must decline any and all offers of marriage, I at least acknowledge the earnest effort you have made. While this does not excuse your constant thievery of everything not bolted down, I offer my gratitude for any act that ensures I will sleep uninterrupted.”

The Snow Dancer stared, her mouth slightly open.

Then, she raised her arms and beamed, her ducks flapping to the floor.

“Woooooooo! Progress!”

And so my smile was swept away.

“E-Excuse me?! This is not progress! … Rather, even a starlight diamond isn’t enough! More restrictions apply! Why, for one thing, you are clearly a commoner, and while you have a unique title, that alone is hardly enough! It is outrageous that you would even consider wishing to marry me!”

“Got it! I just need to become a princess to be eligible, right?”

I raised my arms in exasperation.

“You cannot just become a princess!”

“Yeah, I've heard. But I’m pretty sure I can make it happen.”

I was horrified.

Amongst all the things she said, this was by far the most preposterous.

And yet … as I viewed the overwhelming confidence radiating from her smile, I knew that somehow, she most likely could make it come true.

… Thus, I did the only thing that I could.

I placed my face in my hands and sighed.

“... Is this the reason you came here? To show off your baking skills and offer me a devil in a stone?”

“Yup!”

“How did you even know to find me here? This meeting was only very recently decided.”

“Oh, that. I got a tip in the middle of the night.”

“What? By who?”

Ophelia pointed past my shoulder.

I duly looked behind me.

There, crouched by one side of the doorway as they peeked inside were Florella, Roland, Clarise and Tristan, chins practically resting atop each other’s heads. On the other side was Coppelia joined by a trio of excited fae queens, their eyes lit up with the colours of their respective seasons.

The Summer Queen was the most shameless, offering a wave as unapologetic as it was guilty.

Even so, all of them crowded the tiny viewing gallery. Two distinct groups utterly engrossed as they watched the day’s entertainment unfold. Several were eating slices of cake.

A moment later, all with the exception of the fae queens scampered away.

They glanced at each other, clearly wondering if they should do the same.

I hardly saw why.

They of all people knew the meaning of my beautiful smile, as well as my kind and gentle nature. And since they weren’t tactful enough to join my siblings in pretending they were never here, I would allow them to enjoy it more. Under supervision.

Indeed, it shouldn’t only be the Snow Dancer doing something useful.

There were plenty of maid uniforms to go around, after all.