The Villainess Is An SS+ Rank Adventurer

A curtain of stars twinkled over the Reitzlake Grand Bridge.

As one of the oldest landmarks of the royal capital, it boasted the finest views of the castle, the cathedral and the lake. Located in the very heart of the city, it served as both a piece of essential infrastructure and a bustling promenade to rival any street in the market district.

However, whereas the market district was now home to whichever trolls could slap down the most amount of crowns, the Reitzlake Grand Bridge stayed true to its traditions.

Despite its bustling nature and the presence of so many smiling entrepreneurs, not a single trinket, plushie or poorly chiselled bowl was available to be purchased.

After all … they were there to be won instead!

Lavishly decorated stalls lined the edge of the bridge, each carefully curated for their entertainment value as well as the many prizes on offer.

And that meant there was only one thing to do.

“Coppelia.”

“Mmh~?”

I took a deep breath, then tightly scrunched my fists against my chest.

“It is finally time … to inspect the stalls!”

My loyal handmaiden raised her arms and beamed.

“Wooooooooo! I love working!”

I nodded profusely, all the while mirroring her smile.

Ohohohoho!

Indeed! Here it was!

Archery booths with miniature bows! Guessing the weight of a jar of sweets! Spinning lottery wheels! Eyeing the magic stone beneath the seashells! Whacking (toy) fruit slimes with a mallet!

From the most childish of games to the tables manned by con artists officially given licence to earn their taxes, here was where the true joy of a festival could be enjoyed!

… Especially as we now had ample crowns to do so.

“There’s much for us to do,” I said, peeking once more into my bottomless pouch to make sure all the other bottomless pouches I’d put in there hadn’t gone anywhere. “Luckily, we’ve no lack of funds for this official duty. We’ll have to inspect every activity as well as the prizes on offer.”

“No worries! I’m really good at lacking financial control!”

“Exactly. Which is why there must be limits.”

“Boooooo~”

“No booing. The odd elven lady was appropriately wealthy for someone who owned a magical cat. But while her reward was suitable, it also wasn’t endless.”

Coppelia pretended to pout. I was unmoved.

After all, while grading the prizes was an important task, our goal was to earn crowns, not spend them. And I had no intention of leaving this festival with my bottomless pouch any lighter.

“You needn’t worry,” I said with a reassuring smile. “I take my duties very seriously. We’ll have enough to go through every stall. More importantly, we’ll have enough to enjoy ourselves in such a way that we’re guaranteed to be disturbed at the worst possible time.”

“Eh? Isn’t that a bad thing?”

“Usually, yes. But in this case, it’s useful. Just as we can’t sit down without suspicious men in black armour appearing, there’s no possibility we can have fun without an insane elven woman deciding to join us.”

“Oooh~ you think she’s nearby?”

“I’m certain of it.”

Yes, that’s right!

My princess senses were tingling!

There was an extremely vexing presence nearby. The type that only someone capable of causing me to groan into my palms could do. I could feel it like a breath upon my neck!

Thus, I clapped my hands and smiled.

“Ohohoho … indeed, we’ve no need to shed any effort! Why find the Snow Dancer when she’s destined to find us instead? Rather, we should make this easy for her!”

“Does this mean I need to do the laugh too?”

“Yes, but not until after you’ve tackled her.”

“Hmmmm, I don’t know if I can. She’s actually pretty slippery.”

“Not when she’s weighed down by ill-gotten loot. I’ve no idea what she thinks she’s doing, but the fact is that all earnings must be taxed. I refuse to allow her to avoid her obligations any longer.”

Coppelia hummed in thought.

“... Or maybe instead of taxing her, you could hire her?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, look at how many crowns that other totally not suspicious elven woman had. Some of that had to come from plushies. I bet the Snow Dancer’s popularity is something you can commercialise.”

“In that case, she can scribble her face on bars of soap. Anything else would be encouraging all that she’s done. Besides, once the festival is over, I’m certain her plushies will plummet in popularity.”

“That just means you need to expand. You could make plushies of yourself!”

I was shocked.

“Coppelia, that’s a very silly suggestion.”

“Eh? Why? You don’t think you’ll sell as a plushie?”

“On the contrary, I’d be extremely popular. Which is why it could never happen. In order to prevent a stampede, I’d need to make any plushies so outrageously expensive that nobody could afford to buy one.”

“You think so? … Because I’m pretty sure there’s at least a few who’d queue for it no matter the cost.”

Coppelia gave a giggle.

Then, she pointed tellingly behind me. I didn’t turn around.

“... Coppelia, why are you pointing behind me as though somebody is already there to ruin my evening? I haven’t even begun doing anything to be interrupted yet. There’s nobody so lacking in manners that they wouldn’t even wait.”

“Are you suuuuure?”

I was beside myself with grief.

Somehow, expectations only existed to be dragged lower. And so as I reluctantly turned around, it was to tell the Snow Dancer to come back after I finished my inspections.

What I found instead was something I never knew was possible.

The only thing worse than an insane elven woman.

And they came as a set of three.

“–Oh? What’s this, little sister? Is it possible that in countless centuries, you’ve never once held a wooden stick?”

“H-Hush! I’m concentrating!”

“Don’t listen to her. She’s just trying to distract you. I believe in you.”

“You’re freezing the water! I can see it!”

“Hm? Me? … I’m just making sure our dear sister doesn’t boil the water, as she’s clearly trying to.”

“You’re both sabotaging me! I will have none of it! I warn you–I can summon a breeze with so much pollen that you will sneeze all the way into autumn!”

I rubbed my eyes.

And then I rubbed my eyes some more.

Even so, no matter how much I tried to blur my own vision, the sight of something so horrifying that my tummy instantly started to hurt wouldn’t go away.

There, busying themselves around a barrel filled with floating wooden ducks, was a pair of beautiful maidens joined by a young girl.

Of the two maidens, one had hair as scarlet as roses, the other as pure as untouched snow. The young girl wore hers in a tidy braid the colour of leaves.

All were dressed as town girls. And all of them were fae queens.

Yes.

The Queens of Winter, Summer and Spring.

The monarchs of the seasons. The rulers of the realm beneath the twilight sky. Those whose magic and very existences transcended all wisdom and knowledge.

Here they were. In the middle of my festival. Fishing a wooden duck from a barrel using a stringed hook at the end of a wooden stick. And failing.

Mostly because they were arguing with each other.

I pursed my lips, all the while Coppelia looked excitedly between me and the fae queens.

She eventually poked me.

“... You’re thinking about ignoring the triple set combo of fae queens in your kingdom, huh?”

I placed my face in my palms.

It would be so easy.

All I had to do was turn my eyes away. There was a crêpe stall nearby. I could be eating the miniature parfait deluxe, then go on to winning prizes until a more sensible level of insanity such as the Snow Dancer bothered me.

Instead, I let out a groan … then marched over and began the pointing.

“You! You! And you!” I snapped, all the while three queens turned innocently at me. Too innocently. “What … What are you doing here?!”

“Oh?” said the Summer Queen, her eyelashes fluttering as she offered a playful smile. “Good evening, Your Highness! What a surprise to find you here.”

“A surprise?! The only surprise is that you’re not curtsying while in an embarrassingly frilly maid uniform! These two I can forgive! They are merely trespassing! But your invitation was clear. You are to become my maid and obey my every whim while paying for all the stalls that you now see around you!”

The Summer Queen gave a sweet laugh that moved everyone passing by except me.

“That’s very true. But the invitation is for the Summer Solstice Festival, which isn’t due to officially begin until tomorrow. Until then, I’m here to enjoy myself without the constraints of any frills or embarrassing stares. It is my festival, after all.”

My mouth widened.

“W-Wha–! How dare you! … It is not your festival! It is my kingdom’s! Were you responsible for building it?”

“No, but I didn’t burn it down either.”

“Well, I see you’ve come to make wrong on your right! Are you trying to boil this barrel or burn it down?”

“She’s trying to do both,” said the Spring Queen with a frown. “She cannot accept losing without her bringing the rest of us down too.”

“Then all of you can do it elsewhere! You have your own realm! How is it possible to constantly lay waste to your own laws?! … Do you people not even pretend to obey them?!”

“We are not people,” said the Summer Queen shamelessly. “We are fae. And we are also queens. We go where we wish and stop where we may, for our will is carried by the seasons, the elements and all that you see around you. As my sisters will agree.”

Neither of her sisters did any such thing.

“I came here because I heard there were goblin moss cakes,” said the Winter Queen simply.

“And I came for the crêpes,” said the Spring Queen with a nod.

The two stared at the Summer Queen. She responded by puffing out her cheeks.

“... I wished to try the stew,” she admitted. “I believe you call it the brown stuff. It has my curiosity.”

I threw up my arms in exasperation.

Never before had I wished for the Snow Dancer. But she at least would have tried murdering them for fun. Although given at least one of them wanted to try what my memories still couldn’t entirely erase, that might not be needed.

“Do you mean to say you only came here to snack?! In that case, where is the Autumn Queen? Why, we may as well invite her now and complete the set!”

“We do not come as a set,” said the Summer Queen. “We are not a tea tray.”

“Of course not. A tea tray is useful.”

“Well, then you should be relieved the Autumn Queen is not here. Aside from her difficult personality, she’s busy. Soon, even summer will wane, and when it does, she will have much work to do.”

“Then why are you not working?! You just claimed this is your festival!”

“I am working. I’m ensuring all is up to standards.”

I let out a gasp.

“H-How dare you use the same excuse I am! If you wish to slack, then you’ve no right to pretend otherwise! That is a princess’s privilege, not a queen’s!”

“We are the queens of the fae realm,” said the Summer Queen, whose attempt at sounding dignified was betrayed by her repeatedly failing to hook a duck. “All that we do is to ensure the cycle of day and night continues.”

“She exaggerates,” said the Spring Queen, rising to her tip-toes as she tried to make up for the height advantage of her sisters. “We’ve no bearing on how the sun should rise or fall. If we did, we’d do away with night altogether so that these little hooks are easier to see.”

Offering only half their attention on the princess whose kingdom they were intruding upon, they engrossed themselves in trying and failing to hook a single duck.

I needed to knight it at once.

As long as it was keeping three fae queens busy, it was doing more to help my kingdom than any farmboy-turned-hero ever could.

Thus, I picked up a wooden stick from a bucket and joined in, simply to bat all of theirs away.

“You cannot convince me that all three of you are only here for snacks. What doom have you decided to bring? Did you see the joy of my smile and decide to unleash all the seasons?”

“We did not,” said the Summer Queen, who unlike the other two clearly relished another rival joining the fray. “Rest assured, we’ve come only to enjoy ourselves. To seek escape from the arduous weight of responsibility which cuts ever into our souls. I’m certain that you as a princess understand. The times where my siblings and I may be together for reasons other than conflict are few, and when better than the height of summer’s joy to come together to seek respite from all our wounds?”

I paused.

“... Really?”

“Really.” The Summer Queen smiled. “After all, we can leave doom to others.”

“What do you know?! What is about to happen?!”

“I cannot say. We are not blessed with clairvoyance. But we know enough of the past to know that something usually happens. I certainly hope so. These … games are proving more vexing than entertaining.”

The Winter Queen gave a nod, her somewhat feeble arms looking very much like they were struggling to even hold up a wooden stick.

“I don’t understand,” she said, frowning slightly. “I’ve read much about the joys of mortal festivities. Is using a stick to hook a duck truly where centuries of civilisation allowed to flourish truly reached?”

“It is below expectations,” added the Spring Queen. “My playground allows for joy on repeat. Here, this seems to cultivate frustration. Where is the joy in failure?”

“You cannot blame them,” said the Summer Queen, her smile tinged with regret. “They do not know true revelry like the Summer Court. There is only so much that can be done without the knowledge or skills to make an eternal fountain of wine pour down from the sky.”

My mouth widened again in horror. But now for an entirely different reason.

Indeed, I could scarcely believe I was hearing. And yet the expressions on their faces were clear.

The fae queens … were unimpressed.

A mortifying notion.

They were trespassers and here for no good reason. But they were still dignitaries. I had to ensure that before I punted them away, they were able to enjoy themselves and see the virtues of my kingdom.

That’s why–

Plip.

I easily hooked a duck, then lifted it up.

The fae queens blinked.

“How did you do that?” asked the Summer Queen, looking genuinely displeased at being beaten. “Is this the famed luck of humans?”

“No, it is called skill. And also focus. Because so long as you care more for what others are doing, you shall never win.”

“Well, there doesn't seem to be much to be won. It’s no great claim to scoop up a wooden duck.”

“Perhaps not. But then that is neither the goal nor the reward. That’s what you win after scooping up the wooden duck.”

“Excuse me?”

I offered a serious nod … then lifted the duck to reveal the number ‘1’ painted on the bottom.

Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.

Immediately, the queens jumped in fright as a nearby stallkeeper guarding a booth laden with shelves started ringing a bell.

“... 1st place!” he called out, loud enough to draw every eye around. “Lady Luck shines true on yet another winner! What will you choose, young lady? You may pick from any of the 1st place prizes!”

He gestured towards the top shelves, laden with everything from sparkling jewellery of no worth to porcelain tableware of no worth to a plushie of the Snow Dancer of no worth.

I turned to Coppelia. She hopped excitedly, then pointed at the plushie.

I groaned before pointing it out, then let Coppelia collect it. A moment later, she returned with a new plushie to join whatever collection she’d already begun building.

The three queens stared at the short interaction, their faces blank.

And then–

“A-Amazing … !!”

“Such … Such ingenuity! To turn a simple game into something so thrilling!”

“Why, it is even possible with skill to surpass the cost of participation! If we work together, we could empty all the shelves … !”

I smiled in satisfaction.

Ohhohohohohoho!

Indeed! Here was the true joy!

By carefully picking the most expensive prizes, it was possible to leave with more items than what it would otherwise cost to purchase! That sense of accomplishment over the wiles of the scheming stallkeepers weighted to always win was the finest reward of them all!

“There is much joy to be had in the fae realm,” I said kindly. “But there is also time. Too much so. For although this week of revelry will pass in the blink of an eye, you shall remember it for many years to come. You shall push yourselves to experience all that you can. And each moment will blur into the next until it becomes a single treasured memory. Providing you have the funds, of course. You do have the funds, yes?”

The eyes of the fae queens lit up.

A moment later, each of them was holding up a little pouch of crowns. All destined to clink their way into the royal treasury.

“Welcome to the Summer Solstice Festival,” I said, smiling with a clap of my hands. “Please ensure you spend generously.”

“This does not count as our allotted time together,” said the Spring Queen, leaning forwards slightly. “I was promised a day of activities with you and you alone.”

“This doesn’t count for mine, either,” added the Winter Queen. “My evening of tales will be by you, not by any of the strange bards I see.”

I rolled my eyes, only faintly hoping something would have counted.

“Please. You may ignore expectations, but I do not. I’ll be doing as promised after the Summer Queen has dressed as a maid.”

“Dressed while frolicking,” said the Spring Queen with a small pout. “Indeed, it is much like her to somehow steal priority in the queue despite being the last to speak with you.”

The Summer Queen offered a carefree smile.

“Mine is the most yearned of seasons. It’s only fair that for all I do, I’m allowed to skip the queue.”

“Yes, and I intend for you to enjoy your time,” I said, not intending that in the slightest. “You shall experience all that my kingdom has to offer. Mostly by offering it to me. In a frilly uniform. I mentioned frilly, yes?”

“You did. Rest assured, the one I’ve prepared is both frilly and embarrassing.”

“Excellent. That’s all I wanted to hear.”

“Actually, that likely isn’t.”

“Excuse me?”

The Summer Queen tapped her head as though remembering something mildly important.

“Oh dear. I remember now that there was something else I wanted to do other than sample the stew. Out of courtesy as the embodiment of summer, I came to offer a warning.”

“If sampling the stew is what you intend to do, then the warning is reserved for you.”

“Thank you. I shall keep that in mind. But as for yours, I wished to inform you that not all the flames here are my own. You have more visitors to your festival than just the fae.”

As though waiting for her words, a flame sprung up in the distance.

It was clearly magical in nature. A pillar which rose like a dragon’s breath, only to leave a small blaze shining like a guiding lighthouse. Except there were no towers in the middle of the lake.

Instead, there was a ship, its grand silhouette recognisable even without the help of either flames or moonlight.

The Gentle Princess.

I was deeply puzzled.

Because as much of the crowd stopped to blink at the curious sight, I amongst them knew that this shouldn’t have happened.

Mother and Father had spoken of formally introducing the ship to the people of Reitzlake with the lighting of a magical brazier atop the ship. But that was to coincide with the start of the festival, not the day before.

Furthermore … it was supposed to stay in one place.

“Coppelia … is that ship moving away?”

“Yup~” She placed a hand to her brows and leaned forwards. “Definitely sailing away.”

“I see. Is Florella there?”

“Nope. I do see a bunch of ogres flailing around in the lake, though. I think they’re shouting for help while pointing at the ship. There’s a guy on the deck doing a dramatic bow in our direction.”

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I didn’t bother hiding my groan.

“Fine. You three. Be useful. The one who can stop whatever idiocy that I don’t want to think about is happening gets the honour of massaging my shoulders.”

The fae queens blinked at me.

“We’re unable to interfere,” said the Summer Queen simply.

“Please. You cannot tell me that you suddenly wish to start obeying laws.”

“There is a difference between wandering a festival and aiding a princess at the heart of so many tales. We did not come here without sacrifice. Currently, all of us are but beautiful maidens with just enough magic to sabotage each other. Helping you with a wayward ship is beyond us.”

I nodded.

Very well. I would have all three of them in maid outfits before this festival was over.

“Ugh.” I let out a sigh, then turned towards the docks. “Come, Coppelia. It seems the Summer Solstice Festival has its first drunkard in need of ejecting. I refuse to allow anything to happen to my ship.”

Coppelia nodded full of excitement, her plushie held high.

“Got it! Are we going for a swim?”

“Not after what I’ve seen the nobility do to the lake. We’ll use a boat. There are plenty in the docks.”

“I don’t think any of the boats will have sailors at this time.”

“That’s fine. Just a small boat will do. We’ll sail it ourselves.”

“Do you know how to sail a boat?”

I paused … just before looking down at the multi-purpose gardening tool by my side.

“Yes.”