Chapter 479: A Golden Proposal
Very well!
It’s time to nip this in the bud … is what I wish I could say.
Sadly, I wasn’t just a princess. I was also a 3rd princess. And while this meant I was saved from the barbed thorns of politics, it did little to help against the weeds disguised as my suitors.
As the 5th in the line of succession, there was mercifully little possibility I’d ever take my mother’s place. Yet even though I was spared the false blushes of crown princes, I was instead forced to stare blankly at a wall each and every time the son of a countryside lord believed they could enrich themselves through my hand in marriage.
This was increasingly a problem.
Weeds were nothing if not shameless. And if they couldn’t seize my attention by growing at my ankles, then they did so by sliding, crawling and sometimes gluing themselves upon a surface I could no longer use for a painting.
Even so!
I was nothing if not an expert in all things gardening!
If pruning the stem no longer worked, then that left only one solution!
I had to uproot this.
Completely and utterly.
There was no longer room for half-measures. I needed to ensure that the question of marriage was answered. And that meant using a shovel until there was nothing left of the soil.
… Just not any of the ones I was looking at.
“Dig! Dig! I can still see you! That means you can dig more~!”
They were all broken.
In a corner of the courtyard flushed with morning sunlight no matter what the maids claimed, an enormous pile of blunted, cracked or twisted shovels was blighting the scenery.
And upon it was a certain clockwork doll.
The reason–
Coppelia’s Tower
Construction in progress. Helmets not mandatory. Must have a shovel.
Yes.
It was the Kingdom of Tirea’s latest, and as far as I could see, most unique infrastructure project.
Coppelia, being my loyal handmaiden despite the fact all her uniforms continually went missing, was currently overseeing the construction of the library’s newest expansion.
As denoted by a wooden sign, it was to serve as both her personal book repository as well as her private accommodation, who until its completion was residing in one of the deluxe suites … even if I did frequently find her napping in my bed as well.
Still, once it was done, I had no doubt she’d enjoy making it her own.
Unlike the previous new library expansion, this one didn’t simply go outwards. It also went upwards.
This was interesting.
“More! You can dig more! If the weak and flimsy ladder can go further, then so can you!”
After all … it seemed to be going downwards.
In what was the only thing that could earn the approval of dwarves, a sizable hole was now where a badger den was recently discovered.
However, while I was grateful that Coppelia had made it clear that their hole was now her hole, I was somewhat under the impression that there wouldn’t be any hole at all.
In fact, the only thing that resembled a tower was the mountain of soil.
Servants, squires and even commoners from the nearby village were currently unified by sweat, their breaths laboured and their clothes drenched beneath the unremitting heat as they sought to wheelbarrow all the dirt away.
A scene last experienced during the construction of Clarise’s observatory.
I had no doubt that once Coppelia’s tower was finished, it would serve the kingdom just as well.
Because that’s what this was. A tower.
… It certainly wasn’t the beginning of a dungeon.
Not at all.
“Ooh, there you are!”
Sensing my presence, Coppelia swished on the spot.
Her fluffy, golden hair twirled in the air as she immediately bounded down the shovel hill. Then with a bright smile, she gestured unnecessarily towards the hole where the sound of groaning, shovelling and more groaning could be heard.
“Lookies! Even though it’s only afternoon, the hole is already 3.8% deeper by metric volume than yesterday! This latest batch of hoodlums are great! I think that at this rate, it’ll only take a few more weeks and the hole will officially be complete!”
I leaned forwards, daring to peek down into the abyss.
It was indeed an impressive hole.
All I saw was darkness, lit up by a handful of torches which barely illuminated themselves, much less the silhouettes working to discover that this wasn’t the direction to the royal vault.
Still, I gave it a moment’s thought, then shook my head.
“Not enough.”
“Eh?”
“The hole. It’s not enough.”
“You’re saying the mysterious hole everyone is deliberately not asking me about isn’t deep enough?”
“Not for punting weeds, no. Even if you remove the ladder, they’ll elect one amongst them to climb out. My suitors only work together when it comes to harassing me.”
“Your suitors?”
I nodded.
Despite the colours of summer, the music of productivity and an endless number of strawberry shortcakes, all I saw was the shadow threatening to take it all away.
That was unacceptable.
Whatever Coppelia was building, it needed to be finished so that the nobility could think twice before vomiting over our carpets. After all, I didn’t know what the hole was, but neither did they.
“Coppelia, we have a problem.”
My loyal handmaiden gasped.
A moment later, her smile blossomed into one of excitement as she forgot all about her hole.
I duly reached forwards and pinched her cheeks, before rearranging her expression into something more sombre.
It immediately sprang back into a smile.
“Amazing!” she said as stars shone in her eyes. “It’s only been a few weeks! Even in Ouzelia, there are rules! The guys upstairs are usually required to give you time off at least equal to how long you spent on a journey!”
“Excellent. You can tell me who to complain to. This has been an issue for far too long.”
“Well, I don’t think they deal with pre-existing issues. Or really bad ones. Where is this on the calamity scale?”
“11/10.”
Coppelia’s smile faded at once.
Without hesitation, she opened her pouch, then took out a stick of chalk and began drawing what looked very much like a holy symbol on the ground, despite the fact she was most definitely barred from entering any establishments of the Holy Church.
I gave a small sigh.
“Fine. 10/10.”
“Oh, phew, I thought it was something serious.”
“It is serious. This is a danger the likes of which overshadows the ambitions of every hoodlum we’ve never officially punted away. At most, they would have set my kingdom on the path to ruin and darkness. But this is a problem which threatens the very heart of my bedroom.”
“That’s okay. You can sleep in mine!”
“Thank you, but your bedroom isn’t built yet. What’s more, it won’t have my bed.”
“I mean, you’ve got the magical bed as well. It’s not like you’ll have to do without one.”
“The Winter Queen’s bed is a passable substitute. But unlike the one in my bedroom, it isn’t perfect. That’s something worth protecting. As is my innocence.”
I took a deep breath, then wore my finest look of seriousness.
“... The time is coming, Coppelia. I can feel it. As the days grow warmer, so too does the tactlessness of those around me. My marriage suitors grow increasingly brazen. Soon I’ll have to burn so many introductory letters that the fumes from the cologne will be a health hazard. Can you imagine how awful that will be?”
“I don’t have to imagine it. It’s really strong. I thought it was someone trying troll perfume first.”
“Well, there you have it. We need to stop my suitors from clogging up the mailbox. I need it to defend myself in case a dragon appears. But this also needs to be done in a way which also doesn’t harm my family’s reputation or my own.”
Coppelia nodded repeatedly, bravely pretending not to be troubled by the scale of the puzzle we were facing.
“Got it! What’s the plan?”
She looked expectantly at me.
A vote of confidence which history firmly shook its head at.
After all, here was the greatest challenge a princess could face.
How to escape when all others have failed.
It was a fate almost written in the stars. Just as moths were more than content to hurl themselves at a burning flame, no amount of public rejection was enough to stop my admirers from harassing me until I accidentally said ‘yes’ when I was just informing a maid I wanted a tea refill.
Clearly a problem.
… But not for me!
“Ohohohohoho … the plan is very simple. You see, the issue is that we fixed everything there was to fix, but all it did was increase the quantity of my suitors. Although there are many problems that requisitioning a vast sum of crowns can fix, my appeal as a beautiful princess isn’t one of them.”
“Mmh, mmh!”
“My plan is therefore this … we requisition a ludicrous amount of crowns.”
“... Eh?”
Coppelia stared, her smile fixed.
And for good reason.
This was the most foolproof plan any princess could ever conceive!
Ohohohohohohohoho!!
Indeed, it was so simple that it was a wonder why nobody had ever considered it before!
“I’ve thought long and hard about this,” I said, having conceived my plan during the walk to the hole. “The problem is that having lots of crowns isn’t enough. We need more. Enough that marriage will only sharply divide what we have, utterly erasing any other benefit.”
“I mean … I guess? But that means you’d need a looooot more.”
“Not a lot more. A ludicrous amount more. I need to become the wealthiest princess around in order to quell any thoughts of marriage. After all, do dragons marry? No. Because they sleep on a hoard of treasure.”
“Except the big guy.”
“The big guy doesn’t count. Besides, I’m certain he has a secret hoard he sleeps on when you’re not looking. I intend to enjoy the same amount of luxury.”
Coppelia hummed in thought.
“If we’re talking a proper dragon’s hoard, that’s a seriously huge amount of loot. I don’t think that’s something you can get around here. I mean, you basically robbed the dwarves and that’s only a tiny amount compared to what you need.”
“I didn’t rob the dwarves. I requisitioned them. But you’re correct. When it comes to finances, even the Kingdom Under The Mountain proved wanting.”
I pointed past my shoulder.
Whether or not it was the right direction, I had no idea.
“Fortunately, there just happens to be a festival where the finest dignitaries will be present … including those from the wealthiest nation around, whose profits for years have coincided with destabilising every kingdom around it.”
Coppelia’s mouth widened.
All of a sudden, her eyes shone in understanding.
Her smile returned even brighter than before. Yet mine was brighter still.
“Ohohohohoho … we are going to requisition the Grand Duchess!”