Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

A spiritual journey is something deeply personal. It touches on your past, your future, your present; who you are at the deepest core of your being. And it is a completely unforgettable experience.

Which is why I will likely spend the rest of my life desperately trying to forget it. The lights. The looming shapes in the radioactive darkness. The regrets.

Waaaaaay too many regrets.

Too many nights spent partying when I should’ve been studying.

Too many diet cokes. Was that what’d caused my brain cancer? Maybe the microplastics? Who could say? The Gods, maybe, but they weren’t talking, even with whatever the Nether was in that drink.

Could I’ve been a better father?

Would I be a better father? I was still young for a dwarf.

I liked Mirelda. She reminded me of Caroline in all the right ways. I clearly had a type. Curly haired women with a sassy streak who laughed at my jokes.

I loved my new family.

We really had to get Penelope on a diet.

I needed to go on a diet. We all did. Aqua was right; Bran was turning us into a clan of bearded spheres.

All those thoughts and more passed through my mind as I swept through the universe and became one with the id.

I was intimately familiar with the phrase truth in alcohol, but this was completely ridiculous.

—

I woke up some time later. It couldn’t have been too long, because I was propped up on the table in the dining hall. A worried Aqua was laying cold compresses on my forehead while Isen paced back and forth and Alba and the kids sat on the chairs looking bored.

I opened my eyes blearily; my mouth felt like a dozen cats had been using it as a litter box for a week. I tested my tongue and found a slug there instead. Strange…

“I think he’s waking up!” Aqua said, her voice coming from a hundred miles away.

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the ornate bottle of Spiritual Nectar lying on the table beside me. I shoved it away with a groan. I never wanted to touch the stuff ever again!

Aqua’s face swam into focus, hovering over me like a blue angel. I could see her in perfect clarity. Every flaw. Every perfection and imperfection. “Any dwarf would be lucky ta have you, Aqua,” I whispered. “It’s not that they leave you, but that yer afraid of losin’ everyone again, so you don’t commit.”

“He’s mumbling nonsense. Looks like he needs to get knocked out again,” Aqua growled, raising a gauntleted fist.

And then that perfect clarity was gone, a notification and a pounding headache in its place.

*Bing!*