Book 5: Chapter 8: 29th of October (Thursday) – Ayase Saki
There were only two days until Halloween. First thing in the morning, I received a document from our homeroom teacher.
‘Searching for Volunteers.’
That’s what it said at the top. They’re looking for volunteers to help with cleaning up after Halloween. The large crowd creates an even larger amount of waste, or so my teacher said. That reminds me, I talked with Yomiuri-senpai about Halloween around a week ago. She said we might as well wear costumes, considering the occasion. She even talked about cat ears adding the right amount of cuteness into the mix, which left me thinking for a moment.
My armament isn’t designed to increase how cute I am. Dressing up and looking cute may have similar threads woven behind them, but are definitely not the same thing. The only reason I’d never thought about it more up to this point was because I hadn’t found anybody I wanted to look cute in front of. Actually… before I graduated from grade school, I think I always felt happy whenever Mom called me cute. However, I don’t think I misunderstood what that word meant. I think I was fine with ‘handsome’, ‘beautiful’, ‘stylish’, or everything along those lines. Rather than the accurate meaning of the word, as long as a child understands it as affirmation from their parents, they’ll be happy about anything.
However, my father was different. Whenever I wore the clothes Mom chose for me and received praise for it, my father didn’t like it. The more I was praised for my looks, the more my grades rose, the more the people around me thought of me, and the less he would give me attention and appreciate my existence.
“You’re just like her, making me suffer.”
He kept mumbling these curses under his breath, which probably made me feel so resentful and confused when it came to the word ‘cute.’ But even so, I continued to choose my clothes carefully and care for my looks. All so that I would show absolutely no opening in the eyes of the world around me. Not in order to draw attention and interest. And yet—
“Sakiii!”
Maaya’s voice caused me to raise my head. It seemed like morning homeroom had already ended while I was lost in thought, and Maaya was now standing in front of me.