Chapter 186: Sick
There was nothing wrong with their relationship. Arren had never been happier to be with Spade. The moment he accepted that things would not be the same as they used to be, he never regretted it.
However, no one had given him any clue that... The fault was him all along. All this time, was he harboring this inferiority disguised in his vocal confidence?
Ahh, Arren hates to admit it, but he had countless issues that he hoped Spade would never discover. And yet, here he was, revealing all of them. He was the worst.
Spade immediately shook his head, wrapping his trembling arms around Arren. "You’re not crazy. Don’t say that," he reprimanded, his words almost trembling as he uttered them. His heart pounded, becoming scared of Arren’s words and how he acted, ignoring the painful throb in his head.
Arren wanted to pull away from the embrace; his hand was pushing Spade away from him. "Don’t try to convince me!" he shouted, much louder this time. He was getting frustrated that his tears had already streamed down his cheeks. Spade panicked even more because of this and tried to wipe his tears, but Arren avoided his touch.
"We both know that I am! Something truly happened on that island, but I forgot about it, yet it started that night. You are so careful with me; do you think I can’t notice it?" he went on, his eyes filled with tears, staring straight at the alpha. "Yes, I’m used to acting oblivious, but that doesn’t mean I love it! How much I hate that I’m always so lost on what I should do in front of you... of everyone! Even I’m losing myself!" Arren didn’t hold back; tears soaked his cheek.
He was just too exhausted. It was suffocating to walk on a tightrope when he ignored the issues for whatever fucking reason there was a right time for it. Perhaps, there was! But when that time came, everything would already be in ruins, which he couldn’t afford.
In fact, rather than losing himself, he was more afraid to lose Spade. Because as long as he had Spade, he wouldn’t lose himself too much.
Pain flashed across Spade’s eyes; he didn’t let go of Arren, no matter how much he wanted to get away from him.