Chapter 154: Reincarnation
Arren fell silent. His mouth parted as if to say anything, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. Did he know what Spade felt when he disappeared? Of course, he didn’t. But did he have a guess? Of course, he was aware of how the alpha would feel once he discovered that Arren was missing.
Even so, what could he do? That was reckless of him, he knew that. However, he never intended to be lost, so saying it was entirely his fault was too much. Still, he hated that his careless mistake had become this big and gave the alpha faint scars because of it.
"I’m not mad at you, I’m even more mad at myself," Spade continued, as Arren continued to stay silent and listen attentively. "The moment that I sense something’s wrong, I immediately search for you in the sea, but... I couldn’t find you." His lips twitched, not averting his gaze, letting the omega know what was inside of him.
They’ve been like this a lot of times, most of it they chose to ignore and decided to think that it was not the right time. It was always like that, and he knew the longer they delayed this, everything would accumulate until it exploded into a situation both of them didn’t want to happen.
A pained expression flashed across Spade’s face as he continued, "For the first time, I felt an indescribable fear envelope me as a lot of what-ifs flashed in my mind. I can’t think, and the only thing that was on my mind was to find you. I searched for you, but I still couldn’t find you."
"The ocean seemed to be mocking me; it was so calm, yet my emotions were not."
Spade lowered his gaze for a moment as he clenched his hands into a fist before unclasping them. It was as though he was choosing the right words and mincing them so Arren could handle them, or it was also because he couldn’t find the right words to voice out these emotions. It could also be both.
After a while, he lifted his head again and stared straight through Arren’s eyes. "I felt like I’d become insane in an instant. I want to turn over the ocean so I can find you. But I also want to find you faster, so even with my mind already becoming a mess, I still thought of asking the royal guards for help."
"Yet, as the minute passed that we couldn’t find you, all the negative thoughts that I couldn’t afford to have surfaced at the same time." He paused and reached out his hand to touch Arren, but hesitated. As Spade was about to withdraw it again, Arren already grabbed it and gripped it tightly, not letting the alpha escape his hold.