Chapter 652 - 179: The Rain Keeps Falling (Part 3)
"..."
In the haze, Ye Shiyu watched Yan Huan’s reaction. Besides the torment of the pleasure that clung like a bone-affixed carbuncle, she suddenly recalled what An Le had said to her.
Those words were like needle pricks, the only thing that made her feel pain and sorrow in this Pleasure Purgatory.
Just as Yan Huan was about to turn around and leave, she felt her index finger being tugged by a cold, icy hand.
Feeling the hand tightly clutching her knuckle, Yan Huan turned her head again.
She only saw Ye Shiyu lying sideways in her black hair, softly asking her,
"Xiao Huan... do you... hate me?"
"..."
Upon hearing this, Yan Huan looked at Ye Shiyu on the bed, her consciousness blurred yet stubbornly clutching her hand, and for a moment, she didn’t know how to answer.
Had it been any other time, no matter what question she faced, as long as she wore her mask, would it matter how she lied?
Especially at this moment, given Ye Shiyu’s dazed state, wouldn’t lying be almost effortless?
Yet, for some reason, facing her dream-like question, Yan Huan ultimately couldn’t say anything.
But not speaking seemed like an answer in itself.
"..."
Sensing the silence of the one she was holding onto, Ye Shiyu tilted her face further into her black hair, as if trying to bury herself in the pillow to hide.
In her hand, the grip slowly loosened, sliding down.
From the second knuckle to the fingertip, clinging on with difficulty...
"I don’t know..."
But just before those fingertips were about to slide off, with most of her face buried in black hair, leaving only a dazed and confused eye visible, Ye Shiyu suddenly murmured,
"I really don’t know... what to do... I can’t control myself..."
"..."
"Everything... all these feelings, I experienced them for the first time... because growing up, aside from my mother, I only ever spent time with dolls..."
Ye Shiyu lifted her gaze a bit, staring blankly at the place where her fingers linked with Xiao Huan’s,
"Because I know I’m not normal... so I thought... if I just keep my mom and my home safe, it would be enough... I don’t need anyone else...
"That’s what I always believed... until you appeared, Xiao Huan..."
Listening to this, Yan Huan’s expression couldn’t help but change slightly.
Because he saw clearly, as Ye Shiyu spoke, tears overflowed from the corner of her eyes, sliding down her cheek into her long black hair,
"It was you, Xiao Huan, who made me realize... I actually... don’t not need others, don’t not want contact with others...
"I just... fear not knowing what ’people’ think of me, fear not being able to control what ’people’ do to me...
"I’ve always... felt no sense of security in relationships with people..."
In fact, often people who are controlling, doubtful, and sensitive have a personality that’s weaker than others.
Because their weak personality carries a strong sense of inferiority, they instinctively think others won’t be loyal or honest to someone like them.
Thus doubt is born from this.
They want to know their partner’s, friend’s whereabouts, thoughts every moment.
They wish they could tie them by their side, wish they could cut open their hearts to see what color they are.
But in the end...
Is it others they don’t trust, or is it themselves?
The most pitiful among such people are those who know this is abnormal but can’t help thinking and acting this way.
"I only know how to make myself happy, how to be less angry, worried.
"But I really don’t know... how to make you happy, Xiao Huan...
"I can’t think of how to make us both happy...
"So, that’s why I could only... do that..."
Doing that...
Ye Shiyu was probably referring to using hypnosis on herself, wasn’t she?
Unexpectedly, An Le’s modifier had such power, it made the usually stern and inarticulate Ye Shiyu open up for the first time.
Could it be that Neko-chan, that useless thing, was actually sagaciously foolish?
Was it really as it said, "How can you tell misfortune from fortune"?
Yan Huan didn’t know either; after hearing all this, no extra thoughts emerged in his mind.
As the saying goes, "A leopard can’t change its spots."
If people’s thoughts could completely change with just a few words, there wouldn’t be so many disasters from ancient times to the present.
The fear and distance towards Ye Shiyu hadn’t formed overnight and naturally couldn’t disappear with a few words and tears.
If Yan Huan were truly a lustful demon, maybe, for the sake of pantyhose, there’d be a few more possibilities to consider?
"Pitter... Patter..."
After hearing all this, Yan Huan only felt calm.
Just like the outside raindrops’ rhythm steadied, submerged in the silent night of rain.
"..."
Yan Huan did not respond, he just reversed and gently grasped Ye Shiyu’s fingers that were linked with his.
Then, fully released her hand and changed the subject,
"How are you feeling now, Sister Shiyu, still uncomfortable?"
At this moment, Ye Shiyu was like she was drunk, unable to react to Yan Huan’s awkward change of topic.
As if her little mind was overloaded, she just kept staring blankly at Yan Huan.
After a long while, she slowly nodded.
"... Still uncomfortable?"
Damn, the power of An Le’s modifier is terribly fearsome.
It’s been hours, and it’s still in effect?
Just as Yan Huan silently questioned, Ye Shiyu spoke again,
"Pantyhose... cold... want... to take them off..."
"..."
Damn it, I thought it was the modifier, turns out it’s those damn pantyhose again!