Chapter 117: Returning Home
As they walked in silence, towards the dawn, Amarena suddenly spoke.
"They fought hard, admirably."
"I wish I had been there," Kir replied after a long moment.
"Your regret means nothing. You could have made a difference, but that is not what happened. To dwell on such is to wage an unwinnable fight with yourself," she said. Then she added, "Do not ask a Wrathian for coddling, Heresy’s Son."
Kir felt tears well up in his eyes. He felt angry. Angry at himself for forgetting Stella. For not knowing just how swiftly Brooker would send the adventurers out to do his dirty work.
He regretted not killing the man even more now. For a few moments, he imagined turning around and flying back to the outpost. Leveling it from afar with magic, no matter the pain or cost...
"Your wrath is strong," Amarena interrupted his thoughts. "Cold, like mine... You are much closer to your zin’ai than when we last met..."
Surprise bloomed in Kir. The word was strikingly similar to the words ’person’ and ’love’ in Japanese, but there were other coincidences of language he’d encountered before. "Zin...ai?" Kir asked.
"It is a concept from Ayther, is it not?" Amarena looked up at him, having long since shed her war form, but Kir remained in his.
"Not one that I know," Kir replied.
"I knew a warrior, in the city of Tartarus. A Myoken woman who fought in one of the arenas. Human, I think. She told me much about this world." She took a long breath. "Zin’ai is... a spirit. The spirit of who you can be. The closer you get to it, the more you embrace it, the more yourself you feel. The further away, the more it will scream for your attention... and she said it could even manifest, becoming another self inside you that fights for control."