Chapter 304: It’s Okay
"In the end, the mother chose what to get for them. A mother knows best, right? They seemed satisfied too, except for when the mother asked for a small bite. They wanted to say no, I could see it in their eyes, but boys will be boys. Even when they want something, sometimes, they won’t say it. They keep it inside themselves."
Right, well, Marta didn’t have brothers or a boyfriend so she couldn’t exactly relate or understand the opposite gender.
Elena continued, her smile widening, her eyes wrinkling and her pupils suddenly growing distant. "It reminded me of my husband. He was a wonderful, wonderful man. He was a construction worker too and he always, always hated telling whenever he got injured. We met in high school and got married as soon as we graduated. We had our first son, a beautiful little boy. Unfortunately, I did feel..." She disliked admitting. She didn’t want to say it herself. A lump appeared in her throat and she swallowed it down. "...miffed I couldn’t birth him myself. I had a C-section, see?" The smile she wore was full of fake delight. "I didn’t hate it but it did leave me bitter."
That...didn’t make much sense to Marta. Giving birth was giving birth. Then again, she wasn’t a mother. On social media, she remembered watching and reading horrific posts of women post-partum and the intensive thoughts, feelings, and stories during that period. So Marta tried to smile and tried to understand. She wasn’t sure how much she succeeded.
Elena responded and talked faster. "I was so incessant about having no C-section. Our second son was born perfectly." Elena’s voice suddenly softened. "Then a year later, we learned he had cerebral palsy. It was the same for our third son. We learned he had Down’s syndrome and he...I...." She had to go back to the happy moments. Elena wasn’t sure if she could. "My second and third sons were natural births. I was so happy. So, so happy. But because of me..."
The raw emotion in Elena’s voice caused Marta’s lips to tremble with her.
"I feel like I’m going crazy," Elena admitted, her eyes glistening. "I want to touch them, see them, but I’m dead and they won’t come here."
Pain and love was oozing from her. Marta wanted to offer some comfort. All she could manage was touching her shoulder. Elena jolted but slowly relaxed into it. She wiped the tears from her eyes and wore a big smile.
"I remembered hating myself so much, Marta. I thought God was cursing me, telling me that I didn’t deserve to give birth. I sometimes still think that. But...my boys grew up to be wonderful, dependable young men. They don’t need me. I know they’ll be okay. I know they will. And...I know you will be too."