Chapter 33 - Thirty (Seattle Arc)
LEO
The prom night turned out way worse than anticipated. No, I never anticipated it to be bad in the first place. I never thought I would come back from the prom without Erwin and with a heavy betrayed heart and my best friend on my tail constantly pestering me to tell him exactly what happened.
I had zero desire to talk about that with Ruth but for some reason I did. And I felt even more betrayed when Ruth constantly spat bullshit about Erwin and bad mouthed him.
It was a bad idea. Telling Ruth about what happened in front of the restroom.
I heave a breath of tiredness. I had to wrap up all my work in the past day. The tiredness is weighing into my bones. But still I am unable to sleep even a blink. In the past nights, my nightmares were worse than ever. Every time I fell asleep, it felt like someone was choking me. Other than that, I have grown a bad habit of cuddling with Erwin before going to sleep.
I don’t know how but whenever I fall into his arms, I sleep so soundly that I don’t even have any dreams, let alone nightmares. I love the smell of his pheromone. He smells like fresh coffee beans. Whenever he hugs me I can feel a strong protectiveness emitting from him. I love the way he asks me for something. When he whines like a kid and most of all, his smile. Just looking at it makes my heart flutter and puts me at ease.
I miss him. I miss him like crazy. There is a void inside my chest that only he can feel and when he is not there, it’s all empty. All dark. Every time I think about him, my heart squeezes so painfully that at times it feels like it’s going to be ripped apart. Every fucking single time.
But there is no going back to the past. We can’t be together as we used to be in the past. He won’t take me in his embrace anymore nor will I let him. Because he cheated on me. It broke my already shattered heart. I never felt the way I did at that time when I saw Erwin kissing a girl in front of my eyes. I clearly heard a crack coming from inside my chest.
I prop my elbow on the table and rest my head on my palm, falling into an endless abyss of my thoughts and imagination, my eyes closed. It hurts when I try to keep them open. It never happened before. I discovered it just recently. Perhaps because of the lack of sleep? Maybe.
"Leo, are you asleep?" A soft comforting voice reaches into my ear.