Book 2: Chapter 1: part 2
Once it was lunchtime, everyone went off on their own to get food.
Lately, however, I’ve been thinking that going out with friends during this time is the hardest thing about school life. Take Kushida Kikyou, for example. She’s friends with a lot of girls and boys, and is immensely popular, so while she obviously gets invited in person, she also gets invited over email and phone all the time. Even though she has to refuse people at times, it looks like she has a life, going out to eat with a lot of friends.
On the other hand, people who are unpopular with girls like Ike and Yamauchi seem to always eat with a close group of boys. Sudou and Hondou are part of that group.
What I want to say is that I don’t have anywhere that I belong.
I’m friends with Kushida, and also friends with Ike and Yamauchi. Even though I would eat with them, it wasn’t very frequent. Generally, it was a relationship where the other party would approach me and ask, “Wanna eat lunch” or “Are you free after school?”.
I didn’t mind it at the start of the school year. Since it was before I made friends, it was only natural that I would be alone since there was no one else that I kenw.
But now, it was a strange phenomenon of “being alone even though I have friends”.
This phenomenon… is a really uncomfortable experience. If there was a day where we decided on groups for a school trip and I was absent, it would be really likely that I wouldn’t be invited by anyone. Do they think that I’m a low ranking friend, or is it that only I think of them as friends? I might be having a wild misunderstanding about our relationship.
Feeling restless, I looked towards Ike’s group. I’m over here, it’s fine to invite me. It was a gaze of selfishness and faint anticipation.