Chapter 49: RICHARD
Remembering what was - could drag like a dead weight. Recollections of the past, like an anchor pulling one down to the darkest depths.
And of all times, I had to recall all these minutes before I faced the most annoying pricks on the planet.
If it was in my power, I would have canceled today’s board meeting. Too bad I didn’t have veto power.
It’s been two minutes since Vera delivered my father’s message. Two minutes that have stretched like forever with wraiths of times I wished to forget. Times I wished to erase.
Gathering the pieces of my broken self, I rose to go chair my board meeting. This wasn’t the first time, neither will it be the last, my past will always haunt me. It will always stalk me, like a shadow - always near, always present.
There’s this ridiculous notion about being broken. People assume one can be mended, that the pieces of one’s shattered self could mend with time.
But that’s a lie, a preposterous one in fact. Let’s take china for example. When it’s broken, can it really be fixed? And even if one tries, it will still bear cracks of its brokenness. Not to mention that there will be shards that won’t be recovered and so, there will be parts that will be incomplete. Parts that will remain unwhole because they weren’t recovered.
No matter the glue, no matter the adhesive, what’s broken can never be made whole again. It just can’t be fixed.
Once broken, always broken.
These memories of my life are times when I was broken. Different times that my fragile heart has borne the hammer of life. Different times that I’ve been shattered.
I’m so broken that if I hadn’t been destined to die young, I know I still won’t make it to old age. And that’s a fact.
When we are broken, we remain broken, even when another tries to fix us. And that’s why, we easily break again, because we were already broken.