Chapter 25: SOFIA
After Cole came back, I simply lost that serenity to keep talking to him.
Thankfully he took the hint after his "But we are cool though?" question was answered with a nod.
I didn’t trust myself to say that we were, for fear that my tone might suggest otherwise. Because in truth, we weren’t.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I know I should be happy for him, but I couldn’t. How do I really rejoice with him when he just took the job I hinged the actualization of my dreams on? How do I smile when it feels like even before the battle, I’ve lost? How? How?
The ’H’ question rippled through my turbulent mind, leaving waves of panic in its wake. I had told him that I was happy it was him, but it wasn’t until seconds later that the magnitude of what just happened settled on me like fever after dancing in the rain.
To be honest, a small part of me was happy he got the job. Cole was kind and such a rare person deserves the very best things in life. But the greater part of me, just wished it had been me.
My feet resumed their taps of anxiety. My heart pounded.
"I warned you from the start, as if I knew this would happen" that petulant voice I would love nothing more than to strangle to silence, echoed.
"It’s not over yet" I returned.
"Keep kidding yourself, you know you’ve lost. You’re just too stubborn to accept the fact" it rippled.
"Just shut up!" I yelled out loud.
"Hey, are you alright?" Cole asked, his voice heavy with concern I know I don’t deserve.