Chapter 13: SOFIA
I didn’t need to hear the completion of what Emily was trying to say, to know that I’m in serious trouble.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck" I repeated inaudibly.
"Oh my God, what have I done?" I asked myself.
The very first time, I’m meeting the man who had once been a mentor and I’ve ruined it with my anger.
I felt like slapping myself until the pain could match the uneasiness that thrummed through me.
"I just asked Richard-fucking-Wellington to exit his very own elevator in his very own company or die riding with me. By God Sofia, you are a fool" I echoed those words through me, but it did nothing to alleviate the guilt surmounting in my chest.
Will I blame life this time around? Or will I blame those who make it a living hell with their quick to remind status?
The truth was that, this was all me. I did it. I allowed my anger to score a number on me.
"How could you? This was your chance. Finally for once in your life, your dreams held a chance of coming through, but you just had to ruin it, didn’t you?"
By God, I hated my conscience. Couldn’t it see that I was already regretting every word I spoke in the last 5 minutes? Must it add to my guilt?
Some people say their conscience (or is it a general fact) is a small still voice barely discernible from the one yelling wrong. It’s the voice of reason aiming at the right against the wrong.
But my own conscience isn’t still neither is it’s voice– small. Now, it feels like it’s holding a megaphone in my mind screaming all the wrongs I managed to accomplish with the very words I uttered. And with it, a knife, slowly dragging the point through my heart, drawing blood.