Chapter 41: People Food
Spot was soaked to the bone, bruised, and exhausted. But he was alive. Which was more than he could say for the orcs he had left back in the boat.
Stompy wasn’t evil, or even particularly malicious. He just tended to get a bit carried away, which was unfortunate for any non-titans who happened to be nearby. But at least it would be a quick and painless death. (Usually.)
The hound shuddered. He did his best to stay far away from the titan’s play sessions. Stompy had the boundless energy of a golden retriever on six shots of espresso (and a complete lack of judgment to go with it). Getting stepped on was not something Spot was looking to experience for himself, though it was probably inevitable. Stompy squished everyone, eventually.
That was yet another in a long list of reasons why Spot was thinking of swapping deities. Hades just wasn’t fun anymore. It was all, “The Plan” this, and “World Domination” that. And sure, it was fine for a god to have goals. But wasn’t playing fetch important too? Spot certainly thought so.
There were plenty of sticks in the Dark Forest, but there was also a distinct lack of people to throw them. Spot tried playing with himself to pass the time as he trudged through the forest, but it wasn’t the same. “I wish Persephone were here,” the hound said, “She was awesome. Way better than grumpy old Hades.”
“Grumpy… old… Hades…” whispered a voice from somewhere deep in the woods.
Spot came to a stop and perked up his ears. “Hello? Who said that?”
“Grumpy… old… Hades…” repeated the voice.
“No, that’s not right.” The hound frowned. “Hades sounds a lot more sinister. He also yells a lot. And he hardly ever whispers.”
The voice paused while it processed his response. Spot could almost hear the frustration in the creature’s voice when it finally replied. Which, to be fair, made it sound a lot more like Hades. “I… was… not… being… literal…”
“Oh! That makes way more sense.” Spot continued to scan the forest for any signs of sinister whispering creatures as he spoke, “You don’t happen to know where the nearest road is, do you? I feel like I’ve been walking for days.”
“You… have… only… been… here… for… a… few… hours…” the voice said, “And… there… is… no… escape…”
“Well, I feel like I’ve been here for days,” Spot replied. “Are you sure there isn’t a road nearby? I took a few levels in ranger, and I could swear there was a road. But I keep getting turned around.”
“There… is… no… escape…” repeated the voice.
“Are you sure?” Spot pressed.
“I… am… sure…” confirmed the voice, “None… escape… the… dark… forest…”
“That’s disappointing.” The hound picked up a stick and examined it. “Maybe we could play fetch then? I’d hate to ask, since we hardly know one another. But I figure if I’m stuck here, I might as well make the most of it.”
There was a long silence. “I… do… not… play… fetch…”
“Well, why not?” Spot asked. “Fetch is amazing. You throw something. I bring it back. We wrestle a bit because I don’t want to let go of it. Then you pat me on my head and say I’m a ‘good boy’ before you throw it again. It’s the best way to spend an afternoon.”
“I… am… going… to… level… with… you… here…” said the voice, “I… am… a… creature… that… feeds… on… fear… and–”
“Have you tried eating nachos instead?” the hound interrupted, “Because they taste way better than fear.”
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“I…” the voice paused, “What… are… nachos?”
“Oh, they’re the best.” Spot reached into his inventory and pulled out a plate of nachos. The chips were barely visible under steaming hot mounds of meat and melted cheese. “I snagged these from a party when Hades wasn’t looking. He says I’m not supposed to eat at the table. But they were just laying there, and I knew they would stay hot and fresh in my inventory, so I helped myself.”
“They… do… smell… good…” admitted the voice.
“I even have some guacamole and sour cream,” said the hound, “And I’ll share them with you if you show me the way out.”
The voice considered its options. The strange dog-like creature had no fear for it to consume, and it was curious about the nachos. “Fine…” said the voice, “I… suppose… we… have… a… deal…”
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| Congratulations! Also-Not-Wolfie has defeated Bluebell the Queen Wisp! Experience will be divided among the party!
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