Chapter 84: The Mind
There was something she had noticed that was happening to him. It wasn’t just about whatever Maria had done to him—no, it was about something else entirely. In fact, he suspected that whatever was happening to him was what had amplified the sensations he was feeling towards Maria to that insane degree. Maybe the reason he was that crazy about her was because he was genuinely in love with her. Or rather, his alter was. And what she did just brought out those hidden emotions that had been buried deep within his psyche.
At least that’s one of the theories he formulated as he couldn’t just wrap his head around how a drug, potion, or whatever the hell it was she used on him could have such devastating effects. He just couldn’t understand how a mere substance could have such power over his mind and body. It didn’t make logical sense. If he wasn’t disciplined to the core due to the extended period of time he had stayed without emotions, if not for that resilience built over a long period of time of emotional numbness, he would have gone completely mad from these overwhelming emotions he always felt around her.
He couldn’t describe it properly—those moments when she would kiss him. It wasn’t just that he wanted to kiss her back. It was more like he was compelled, or rather desperately needed to possess her entirely. Yeah, it was just that crazy. Like an addict who had suffered through a week of withdrawal, suddenly seeing their substance of choice right in front of them, but they’re tied to a pole just an inch away from grabbing it. That’s the perfect analogy of what he was experiencing.
He was that rope holding his body back.
That’s why no matter how much he tried to fight back, she always had the upper hand. Because he was literally fighting something within himself—his very own nature. That’s what he was battling whenever he saw her. There was this thing inside him that always tried to take complete control, wrestling with his conscious mind for dominance.
That’s why he came to the conclusion that it might be the original feelings of his alter surfacing. But then, was his alter really that possessive of Maria? If yes, why? What had happened between them that created such an intense bond?
He didn’t understand, and why would he anyway? He had little to no information to work with. He was basically running blind, stumbling through a maze without a map. His powers were hidden by an alter that had been existing and manipulating his every move all this while. In fact, at this point, he began to doubt his own memories. He began to doubt everything about himself and his past.
He had been controlled from the very beginning, hadn’t he? Like a puppet dancing to strings he couldn’t even see.
One of the memories he doubted the most was that final moment of Emilia—a memory that had driven him to this very point in his life. A traumatic event that had traumatized him more than everything he had endured in her hands. But now that he thought about it, like now that he really thought about it with a clearer mind... Emilia was a yandere. She was literally the embodiment of that word, the textbook definition of obsessive, dangerous love.
Now why would someone like that, who had literally made members of her own family disappear because they opposed her marriage plans, suddenly betray him? Something didn’t add up in that narrative. The pieces of the puzzle didn’t fit together the way they should.