Book 15: Chapter 19
Since when did I start wanting to hug Elizabeth? Perhaps it was after I got married, when I saw Elizabeth drunk alone in her room, murmuring Inard’s name? I’m still not sure. I knew Vyvyan much better than I knew Elizabeth. My initial impression of Elizabeth was a majestic, dignified and tyrannical Empress. Afterwards, I learnt she was a mom no different to Vyvyan. She was a mom who loved me, yet was clumsy. Later on, I discovered she was actually a scared, young girl all along. Elizabeth wore countless layers of masks, making it virtually impossible to see her true thoughts. Fortunately, I eventually learnt what they were.
Mommy Vyvyan got everything she wanted. She had her parents, her brother and me. She possessed powerful mana and a superior lineage that allowed her to rule without any threats to her rule. There were no natural disasters or man-made disasters in the elven lands. It was what Vyvyan desired for it to be. She didn’t need me to take care of her or protect her. I just needed to be her son. I just needed to be a son who depended on her and needed her thigh to sleep on. The circumstances were different for Elizabeth, though.
Elizabeth didn’t have anything. Nothing she wanted stayed with her. Her parents, her husband and even I left. She couldn’t keep anything. She couldn’t snatch anything. She quit trying. She was the Empress, the heart of the empire, but she was still just a girl roaming the forest, looking for warmth. She wouldn’t struggle; she didn’t dare to struggle, because she was just a pitiful child without others around her.
“Uhm, I know… I know,” said Elizabeth.
Elizabeth leaned on my chest. She sounded as though she was sighing, yet sounded as though she was murmuring. She closed her eyes. The warmth of her body closest to my heart transferred into my blood and circulated to every corner of my body. She tenderly wrapped her arm around my back. In a gentle tone, she said, “Mommy knows. Mommy knows… Mommy loves you, too… My most beloved son… Mommy was scared, truly very scared you’d be angry with Mommy… Mommy was afraid you’d never acknowledge me as your mom, but you’re so gentle. Mommy cruelly left you behind, but you still called me, ‘Mom.’ Mommy really… loves you so much…”
I didn’t speak; instead, I tightened my arms around Elizabeth. She smiled: “It’s truly so blissful to have a son. Son, with you by Mommy’s side, Mommy will have an embrace to rest in and lean on. Mommy won’t have a man to lean on when Mommy returns. This is the last time. This is the last time Mommy will rest in your embrace. Let Mommy have a good rest. Let Mommy have a good rest…”
When I heard Mommy Elizabeth choking on her tears again, I clenched my teeth, and then grabbed hold of her hand. Her hand was somewhat rough, but nonetheless, warm. Fearful, she quivered. She was prone to being scared. She wanted to have somebody keep her company, but it was impossible. She, herself, had already given up.
“I said it before, I’ll destroy her cage. I have bathed in the blood of a dragon. I can no longer be hurt, yet I can’t keep my mom by my side. What’s the point of this power?” I asked myself.
“If your dad could see you, he, too, would probably be happy. I know you went to the place your father died. I wonder if you saw your dad there. Inard didn’t stay with you for long. You might not have any impression of him. Now, though, you’ve grown up, so I don’t feel as though I owe him.”