Book 14: Chapter 42
The elves’ forbidden zone was in a corner to the northwest of the elven lands. There was a structure shaped as a lighthouse there, which acted as a landmark. Nobody had any information on the place. The elves kept the place secretly hidden, while it was impossible for humans to approach it. So accordingly, I had no information on it. All I knew was it was a vast area of land. If there was a dragon there, there shouldn’t be many. The only trace of my father was a ring that was sent back. Meaning the place was even more mysterious.
“Will the dragon truly kill all elves? Why am I going there then? Am I going there to die? Is there any point to going there? If there’s an elf-killing dragon there, wouldn’t I be marching to my death?” I wondered.
I was desperate due to my condition and resorting to whatever means. The prophet, himself, said he didn’t know if the answer I sought was there, yet I headed there as if I had a screw loose.
I should’ve visited Mommy Vyvyan to ask her if she had any information she could share with me. However, I couldn’t bear to see her. I told her I wanted to die. Only to then say I wanted to live, because someone else motivated me. The questions I had on my mind were, “Would she get mad at me for treating her that way? Would she feel that I don’t love her?”
The honest truth was I really loved Mommy Vyvyan. I really, really loved her. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to muster up the determination to leave. She was my important mom, and my mom who had always been by my side. Of course, the same could be said of Mommy Elizabeth… Except… I felt my feelings for Mommy Elizabeth were somewhat different. What took place that night repeatedly replayed in my mind. I didn’t know why I forgot about it, but I recalled our affection that night.
I was taking a risk precisely because I wanted to stay with Mommy Elizabeth. I was quite certain I liked her as a woman. I didn’t understand her at first; nevertheless, I learnt more and more about her later on. I saw the gentle side of the Empress hidden underneath her mask. I saw the pure young girl’s infatuation and confusion. With time, I stopped perceiving her as an Empress. Instead, I perceived her merely as a widow. I saw the heartfelt pain and torment that wrecked her heart. She lost far too much. First, she lost her family, then her husband and then her son. She used her restraints as an Empress to tie up her torn heart, but it still bled. That was why she really cherished me.
I was the last one by Mommy Elizabeth’s side. She lost everything she ever loved. I felt sorry for her and, with the passage of time, eventually fell in love with her at some point. However, when I realised my feelings, I couldn’t part with her anymore. I didn’t know if she felt the same way. If she didn’t have any feelings for me, she wouldn’t have done that with me.
I patted the White Deer King’s neck and softly asked, “Hey, White Deer King, if I like a woman, would I succeed with my confession?”
The White Deer King snorted and looked at me as if it was saying, “Moron.”