Book 14: Chapter 30
I didn’t see my daughter transform into her human form, for my lack of mana became noticeable to me. God’s mana was exhausted slowly, which was why I didn’t exhaust all of it in a single day. It was my fourth day out. I still had three days remaining. I had to reach the Imperial Palace in three days and resolve the internal problems that occurred. I wanted to see the prophet while I’m at it, as well. Though I didn’t know what methods he’d have, he did manage to predict it and called for me. I, therefore, assumed he might have further insight.
I thought of Mom’s lonely view from the back after I saw Ling Yue’s tears. I thought, “Perhaps I really should do my best to live as per Ling Yue’s suggestion. I always felt I was useless and should go die, but I still need to live for more than just my mom. I don’t want Mommy Vyvyan to become a blood sucking demon for my sake or to involve more innocent people. Therefore, I chose death. However, I can choose to give it my best to live using my own hands and legs.
Why didn’t I think of that right from the start? Why did I give up? Why did I feel that I had no hope once Mommy Vyvyan found herself helpless? I feel as though I’ve come to comprehend something. I think I now know why Mommy Vyvyan and Mommy Elizabeth view me as a child no matter how much I did. It must be because I give up trying as soon as my moms’ run out of ideas.
They still regard me as their child, who they were familiar with in the past despite me now being the ruler of the North and having done so much. Whenever I find myself in a pinch, I run off to ask my moms’ for help instead of trying to figure it out for myself. I give up straight away just as I am doing now. I even gave up on my own life, so what else could I have pursued with determination? I’m just a child by my moms’ sides, and I become useless once I lose them. This time, I must rely on my own strength to save myself for my mom’s sake, my wives’ sake and my children’s sake. I must save myself with my own two hands for their sake.
I need to find the prophet. I need to return to the Imperial Palace. I’ve only been gone for a few days, yet the North has become a mess. If I leave for good, the entire North will be in ruins. I did everything in my power to conquer the North. I can’t let it just collapse. No way. I need to head back. I must head back. For the sake of the North or for the sake of my family, either way, I can’t die now. Dying isn’t the only way I can save Mommy Vyvyan. I can also save her if I stay alive. She’ll be fine as long as I can return to her side.”
Ling Yue, who was next to me, leaned down. I grabbed her fur and gradually climbed up. She raised her head and, in a muffled voice, said, “Sit tight. I’ll carry you in my mouth if you fall off part way through. It’s not that I don’t want to carry you in my mouth, but your bones would probably be all shattered by then.”
I nodded. Concerned, I said, “Are you feeling all right? You’ve just given birth. Don’t give yourself grief with after-effects or something due to vigorous activity.”
“It’s all right. We once had to give birth while carrying out long-distance raids, so we recover rapidly compared to you elves and humans. Running to the Imperial City is just a warm-up. I should be able to get you to the entrance in an hour; then, I’ll head home, and I’ll still be in time to breastfeed Liu Yue.”
Foxes were gifted with really smooth fur. Ling Yue also just finished grooming her fur. Part of the process entailed spreading something on it, making it even smoother. I did my best to crawl up and rest on her back. She wouldn’t forgive me for plucking her fur, since she cared so much about her tail. She looked ahead and, in a soft voice, said, “Moron, don’t die. You have so many people who love you. How many people would be left distraught if you died? Vyvyan said that was the only way for you to live on; is that absolute? You must do your best to survive. If you give up so easily, I’ll tell Liu Yue she doesn’t have a father. Her father is a brave warrior who can defy the heavens and change his fate. Not a coward who searches for death.”