Book 11: Chapter 35
Lucia rested on my chest. In a soft voice, she asked, “Dear, is there anything you want to tell me?”
I gave her a kiss on her forehead. “No, nothing, Lucia. I was just very worried about you, since I didn’t hear any news of you in the North. I, therefore, had to come back to take a look at you. I just want you to be healthy now, not just for our child’s sake, but more because I want to see you well.”
Lucia smiled. She slowly reached her hand out. I grabbed hold of her hand tightly and placed it on my face. She delicately stroked my face as though she was trying to engrave my face into her mind. Her hand slid across my cheek, nose and finally rested it gently on my lips.
She looked at me softly giggled. “My husband… My prince… You are my husband… if I am the reason you supress things you want to say in your heart, then that is an insult to me… My husband… regardless of what happens… please be sure to tell me… I am your wife… I am willing… to hear everything that involves you.”
I looked into her green eyes. I held her hand tightly and kissed her lips. “No, Lucia. I’m not hiding any secrets from you. I just want to see you blissful and happy.”
Lucia was right. I did indeed have something to tell her. I wanted to bring Ling Yue to see her this time, to get her to accept Ling Yue. It was easy with Nier. What I was most worried about was Lucia being unable to accept Ling Yue. I had even come up with a plan to soothe an angry Lucia to get her to accept Ling Yue.
I felt very ashamed of myself. I acted fearlessly because Lucia loved me, and as a result, I continued to do things that upset her and angered her. I kept making her tolerate my behaviour and whims. If Lucia wasn’t in such a poor state, I wouldn’t be in so much pain.
How could I bring Ling Yue before her, and tell her I wanted to marry Ling Yue when she was so weak? I wouldn’t do that. Lucia’s gaze of despair and agony was the expression of hers that made my heart ache most. Lucia had given up so much for me, our child and our love. There was no way I could elope with another woman. If I did that, I wouldn’t even deserve to be a human being.
I couldn’t bring up Ling Yue at the moment. I might not be able to make Ling Yue my wife, but I couldn’t make Lucia suffer for Ling Yue. I could give up on marrying Ling Yue, but I couldn’t give up Lucia. Giving up Lucia was the equivalent of destroying my conscience.