Chapter 399 — It Was Gone
Raniel wasn’t sure whether he had jinxed it or not. But ever since he had become pregnant, Ilyan had been peculiarly distant. He stopped visiting him in his quarters, stopped looking for him right after either of their training sessions, and their meetings had become so rare that Raniel could count them on his fingers.
And he absolutely didn’t like this.
Not at all.
How could someone who had been so loving, so gentle, and so caring suddenly behave so coldly?
Raniel simply couldn’t understand.
What was it that was driving Ilyan away?
As he walked down the hallway, pondering, his guesses twisting with one another, a conversation from a distance reached his ears.
One he should never have heard.
"A man, pregnant?"
A laugh followed.
"Strange, isn’t it? I know male omegas exist, but which alpha in their right mind would give them their child?" another person added, as if male omegas were abnormal. As if they weren’t even living beings.
"They should only be worth the pay after doing it," the other person snickered.
Raniel’s blood turned cold all of a sudden.
He knew he should have felt anger. He should have been furious at their words, at the way they spoke about omegas as though they were nothing more than objects.
But all he felt was hurt.
His chest tightened, and he could barely breathe. He looked around, desperately trying to steady himself, but the world around him suddenly began to tilt.
Sweat broke out, and his body was growing weaker by the second.
"I-Ilyan," he cried. However, no one heard him. "Ilyan!..." he thought he shouted with all his might. However, it was nothing but soft whispers.
Then, his vision blurred. His legs weakened. And before he could even realize what was happening, Raniel found himself falling into an endless darkness.
***
"And when I woke up, it was gone."
Zayden tilted his head to the side, confused.
"What was gone?"
Ren glanced at his face momentarily before looking away. "...My child." A soft sob escaped him despite his best efforts to keep his composure.
General Zayden’s jaw dropped slightly, his eyes widening.
It wasn’t even his child, and yet, the mere thought of losing a child that could have been born was enough to make his chest ache. A child that was a part of Ren...
Somehow, he managed to close his mouth and swallow hard.
Slowly, he moved to sit beside the crying man, taking the empty space he had kept between them all this time. Like a safe distance. Like a line he couldn’t cross—not until Ren, or rather Raniel, had told him everything. Everysingle detail.
However, the sound of his lover’s cries—not from happiness or pleasure, but from pain—was enough to soften his heart, which hadn’t been particularly hardened to begin with.
He would always have a soft spot for the man sitting in front of him.
Zayden gently brushed Ren’s hair to the side, looking at his face. Although tears slipped down his cheeks, the silver-haired man before him remained breathtakingly beautiful.
He leaned closer, pressing soft kisses against his eyelids.
Ren’s lashes fluttered, but he trusted the man before him. Hence, he remained still. Not like a statue, as he might have before any other alpha, but in a trusting manner, entrusting his wounded body to his lover.
"Please don’t cry." Zayden’s tone was so gentle that Ren almost stopped crying, setting aside the grief of his first child.
Slowly, the omega opened his eyes. When his eyes met his partner’s, he thought he saw Zayden’s scarlet eyes becoming watery.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
Zayden simply remained beside him, his fingers still gently brushing through Ren’s silver hair. He had never imagined that the man he loved had once carried another life inside him—one other than Eiran.
Nor had he imagined that Ren had lost that life before he ever had the chance to hold it, love it, cherish it as he did to Eiran.
And somehow, the thought hurt more than he wanted to admit.
"Was it a girl?" he finally asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Ren shook his head.
"I don’t know." His voice cracked. "I never got to know. But Ilyan... He wanted a girl—and perhaps his wish was granted. We just never..." Another soft cry and his voice shook.
Zayden’s hand stopped for a moment before continuing its slow movement through his hair.
Ren lowered his gaze. "I didn’t even get to hold them." The words were almost inaudible. "And Ilyan left me alone afterward." His fingers tightened against the fabric beneath him. "I thought he hated me. I was certain he did."
Zayden’s expression darkened slightly, but he said nothing. He knew there was more to the story. There had to be because Ren had never spoken about his first love with hatred.
Was it the sorrow, the grief of his child that made his devoted love for Ilyan so bitter now?
And yet, despite everything that had happened, there was grief in his voice whenever he spoke of Ilyan.
A grief that he might never be able to overcome. A grief that would follow him to his grave.
Zayden leaned closer, resting his forehead gently against Ren’s. He cupped both of the omega’s cheeks in his warm palms.
"You don’t have to tell me everything tonight." He reassured him. Although it wasn’t just for Ren but for himself as well. To process all that...
Ren closed his eyes. "But I want to." His voice trembled. "I want you to know." His eyebrows furrowed.
Zayden remained silent, allowing him to continue whenever he was ready.
The other man took a shaky breath.
"I thought losing my child was the worst thing that could happen to me."
He opened his eyes, staring at nothing in particular. He took in a deep breath before continuing.
"But it wasn’t."
Zayden’s brows twitched slightly as he listened carefully.
Ren’s lips trembled. "After that... I lost something else, too." His gaze slowly shifted toward Zayden.
"What... was it?"
A bitter smile appeared on the omega’s face. He lowered his head, gently resting it on the alpha’s shoulder. He took in a deep breath, inhaling his faint pheromones. Perhaps that could allow him to speak about it without losing his control.
Yes, perhaps...