Chapter 36: Regrets
LUCIAN’S P.O.V.
It had been two long months since I’d told Teresa to leave my estate—and my life. I thought I’d feel...what? Relief, maybe? The kind of peace that comes from sticking to a tough choice. But peace was the last thing I found.
Ares was gone, at least his voice was. I felt his presence, but it was...distant. Just this faint, melancholic sensation that loomed at the edge of my mind. At first, I thought he was sulking, furious I’d pushed Teresa away but I didn’t do anything to soothe him because I was very angry that he mated with her without my consent but now I was dying to hear his voice.
Ares had always been annoyingly vocal about her. But the silence lingered, turning into something that felt heavier, colder. He’d pulled away so far I couldn’t reach him like he couldn’t even hear me calling out to him anymore. And I had called. Desperately. He was punishing me and it was slowly eating away at my heart.
Here I was, this proud alpha who once grumbled at Ares’ relentless chatter, now feeling like I’d give anything to hear him complain, just once. That silence...it gnawed at me. The quiet was suffocating. Two months of this emptiness made me remember a time when isolation was forced on me by my father—a time before Ares was part of my life when I’d prayed to the moon goddess to bring my wolf to me. It was one of the darkest periods I’d faced. But when he finally came, I was never alone again. Not until now.
Emotionally, I was...unsteady. A ticking bomb of regret and frustration. Every little thing would set me off. One wrong look from anyone, and I’d snap. And yet, Rylan stayed by my side, ever the loyal beta. He watched me with those pitying eyes that I hated—eyes that seemed to see right through my anger and understand the chaos roiling inside. It made me feel exposed and weak, and I hated him for it. But I hated myself more.
Juliette, my best friend, and my gamma, had become a stranger. Ever since I yelled at her to "mind her own damn business" after she dared question why I was pushing Teresa away, she’d only spoken to me in clipped, formal tones. I’d always relied on her to be that one person who could push me, and keep me in line. Now, she was just another face keeping their distance. Because I’d made it that way.
I didn’t apologize to her. Maybe because I didn’t know how, or maybe because my pride was a parasite, feeding off every opportunity to dig me deeper into this hole. Every pack member treated me with that same wary respect as if they feared what might set me off next.
Two months ago, I’d thought banning anyone from contacting Teresa was smart. I’d wanted to make sure she stayed far from me—no excuses, no connections. But now I realized that choice had turned my friends into strangers. Max, Juliette, everyone who’d cared for her, cared for me...they were angry, hurt. They wouldn’t dare confront their alpha, so they simply kept their distance.
Alone. That word had never hit me with such force before. I felt my father’s shadow looming over me, a reminder of everything I despised and feared. That cold, sad man who put his mate above every other thing, who destroyed my mental health before it had a chance to grow into something beautiful. The man who stole my childhood. All my life, I’d dreaded becoming him, so I pushed away the people who’d brought warmth to my life. Ares and Teresa.
Teresa.