Chapter 104
It seemed like I should return. Not because I wanted to settle back in that other world, but at least to update those who worried about me... Should I make excuses for that? Time flows similarly in both worlds, so quite some time must have passed over there too...
Just as people in my real world suffered because of my absence, those in the other world who cared about me might be worrying as I've been gone so long. But honestly, I'm not even sure of the exact reasons myself. While my goal was to return to my original world, the thought of going back to the other world makes me want to resist.
But I can't completely let go of my attachment either. It's a paradoxical feeling that I find hard to express. I both affirm and deny the desire to return to the world of the game. If I had to justify the affirmation, I could firmly say it’s because I care about them – Arsia, Aris, Marika, Ruseia, Elina, Miru, Morione, Abne, and especially... Eleona.
There are many relationships, too many to call few but not too few to call many. Surely, too many to just leave suddenly. However, if I ask myself why I negate it, all I find is an emptiness in my mind. There's no reason to deny it, but for some reason, I want to resist.
Digging deep within myself, I find a lurking thought... Maybe I want the world with them more than the real world? Despite her twisted madness, Eleona genuinely wanted me. Just this fleeting speculation makes me feel uneasy. Is it because affirming their world would negate all the efforts I made towards returning to my original world, my identity, and my sole purpose?
Probably not, right? After all, they may want me, but I have always found their feelings burdensome... It's probably not that, surely. It must be simply because I want to inform them about my situation...
Anyway, getting back to the main point... I wanted to return to that world. However, several problems overlap. Things that happened after I left reality, the significant impact of my absence in the real world. Honestly, this time, it was thanks to my sister's hard work that nothing major happened. Despite needing care herself, she took on everything to fill my void.
She took care of her own tuition and living expenses and even made excuses for my absence, claiming I was on a business trip abroad. In reality, she was covering for me, even providing the financial support I should have given. As a student, not a working adult like me, she had to sacrifice her sleep to work part-time jobs to gather the money. How hard must she have worked... I can't even imagine the extent of her struggles.
That's why, even though I said I wanted to go back, I planned to make it a very short visit. As I mentioned earlier, my reason for going was strictly to update them about my situation; there was no need to stay long. I knew if I left reality for too long again, my sister would suffer.