Stray Cat Strut

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Stray Cat Strut (A cyberpunk system apocalypse!) - Ongoing

Fluff (A superheroic LitRPG about cute girls doing cute things!) - Ongoing

Love Crafted (Interactive story about an eldritch abomination tentacle-ing things!) - Completed!

Dreamer's Ten-Tea-Cle Café (An insane Crossover about cute people and tentacles) - Hiatus

Cinnamon Bun (A wholesome LitRPG!) - Ongoing

The Agartha Loop (A Magical-Girl drama!) - Volume Two Complete!

Lever Action (A fantasy western with mecha!) - Volume One Complete!

Heart of Dorkness (A wholesome progression fantasy) - Completed!

Dead Tired (A comedy about a Lich in a Wuxia world doing Science!) - Ongoing

Sporemageddon (A fantasy story about a mushroom lover exploding the industrial revolution!) - Ongoing

Past the Redline (A girl goes too fast, then she does it again) - Completed!

Magical Girl Crystal Genocide (Magical Girls accidentally the planet, and then try to fix it) - Completed!

Magical Girl Rending Nightmare (A sequel to Crystal Genocide! Cute girls in a soviet dystopia having a picnic on the roadside) - Volume Two Completed!

Noblebright (A shipcore AI works to avenge humanity) - Completed!

The Complicated Love Life of Ivil Antagonist (The Empress of Mars finds love) - Completed!

Pokebun (Broccoli Bunch in the world of Pokemon) - Hiatus

Queen Violence (An Assassin Reborn as a Kitten) - Completed!

No Strings Attached (An Elden Ring/Bloodborne inspired progression fantasy) - Ongoing

Save Scumming (A time-looping system apocalypse) - Ongoing

Chapter Fifty-Seven - Cool Paint Job

"It doesn't make sense. The only difference between our car and theirs is the driver and the paint job, and I refuse to believe that painting some cheesy flames on their car made it go faster!"

--Ferrari F1 manager, at the 2048 New Montreal Circuit

***

I was still a little sour, arms crossed and lips set in a line, as I watched Gomorrah buy herself a mech.

It was a chunky little thing. Two fat legs and a squat body. It was definitely a bipedal mecha, but it didn't have much of a human form to it. It was like, 70% body, with turrets on the sides and a small set of guns up top. There was a small 'head' at the front which looked like a ceramic mask of a woman, but that was it.

The angles were all sharp, and the legs were like a chicken's, bent backwards. Everything had several overlapping armoured plates on it too.

The mecha was painted a flat black, though there was plenty of detailed trim-work on everything. The armour had small sections on it that were glossy instead of matt, so when the light caught them right, I could see the underlying design. It was kind of... baroque, maybe? I didn't have the words for it. Fancy, basically. There were a lot of abstract wings and fire.

The mask being the only part of the whole thing that was a stark white made it stand out. Kinda creepy, actually.

"So, what's that?" I asked as I came over.

It felt big, though I suspected it would fit in the Bastion just fine. It was only a smidge taller than the MEOW, and it was definitely not as long.

"This is the Seraphina," Gomorrah said. "I've been planning to buy her for a while, actually. The side-mounted turrets are double-stacked guns. The one below is a long-range continuous-fire chemical laser. It's a six centimetre beam that can cut through a foot-thick wall in about three seconds."

"Big laser," I agreed with a nod. The lower guns were long tubes covered in greebles and a layer of overlapping armour. They were about twice as long as I was tall, which put them in the 'fuck off' range as far as big guns went. "What about the smaller one?" I asked, pointing to the second gun. It was mounted on the same turret base, though it looked like it could move independently a little.

"Those are the heavy flamers," she said.

"Ah, of course," I said.

"It has other weapons," she said, sounding rather defensive. "Point defence guns."

"Do they shoot fire?" I asked.

Gomorrah looked away.

"Wow," I said, voice flat. "Okay, give me a minute, I was gonna buy my own new toy."

Now I had to make sure that the BOBCAT looked cooler than Gomorrah's thing, otherwise I'd be clowned on.

"Myalis, we need a cool paint job on this thing," I said. "Maybe it... hot-rod red. With flames."

One very nice mechanized warcat, coming right up.

New Purchase: Ballistic Offense/Battlefield Combat Assault Tank

Points Reduced to: 340

The BOBCAT appeared with a heavy thump as it crashed onto the ground from nothing. It wasn't even too dusty out, but there was still a cinematic wave of it that rose off the ground when it landed.

The mecha was a squat thing that immediately occupied a ton of space. That was helped by the paint job. Bright, shining red, the sort with depth to it. It had the same colour as one of those old candy apple things.

The feet had big yellow-orange flames on it.

The only parts that weren't red or covered in flames were a few more mechanical bits, and those were done up in a nice golden colour that accented well with the rest.

"Fuck yeah," I muttered.

Gomorrah stepped over to stand next to me and looked at my new mech. "I like the flames," she said. "Very Dean Jeffries."

"Huh?"

Gomorrah shrugged. "I like custom car culture. It's one of the few things my father was into that I also enjoyed. That kind of flame is well over a hundred years old. The style, I mean. It's classy."

"Thanks," I said.

She turned to me. "You have no idea, do you? I'd be offended, but I don't really think it matters. In this specific case, looking cool was the whole goal, so it's hardly appropriate if you don't know where the style came from. Plus... I like the flames."

I cleared my throat. "Let's walk them around a little. Get a feel for both before we're in the middle of it? You don't want to be looking for how to pilot your mech while aliens are battering it down."

"That's a good idea," she said.

As it turned out, the Seraphina opened up at the top. Gomorrah had to grab onto some well-placed bits of armour to climb up the side of the mech and make it to the roof, then she dropped down the hatch and disappeared within the red-lit interior.

The BOBCAT wasn't so complicated. The barrel chest had a hatch on the front that led right into the cockpit. It was a little tight in there, admittedly. I squeezed in, only barely able to fit through and stash my personal weapons away. The consoles and control surfaces were all set up on swivels, so it wasn't too hard to move them aside.

I turned and plopped down into the seat, then looked for the command to close the door. It was a big lever off to the side. Nice and tactile.

The door shut, and then I was sealed within the BOBCAT. The mecha's life support came online, and a dozen small red lights flicked on even as my AUGs got a ping from the mecha asking to connect.

I accepted, and then reached over to flick the switches to turn it on properly. A monitor just above my head came on first and ran through diagnostics, blocky text scrolling by, green over black.

Ballistic Offense/Battlefield Combat Assault Tank

BOBCAT//WAKE

REACTOR - ONLINE

HYDRAULICS - ONLINE

FIRE CONTROL - ONLINE

LIFE SUPPORT - ONLINE

COCKPIT - SEALED

TARGETTING - ACTIVE

COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS - CONNECTING

30MM RAIL SYSTEM CHARGING

90MM TWIN BATTERIES - READY

12.7MM VENTRAL - READY

12.7MM TOP - READY

MORTAR SYSTEM - READY

SMOKE DISPENSERS - READY

ALL SYSTEMS CHECKED.

ALL SYSTEM CLEARED.

BOBCAT//READY

The entire cockpit lit up, and I winced a little as the handshake completed and my augs and internals synched up. The seat closed in around me, inflating even as a sort of cage closed in around my torso and upper thighs. It was cushioned, and comfortable enough, but I was still damned thankful that I wasn't claustrophobic.

The controls were all within easy reach, and they were that very satisfying sort, all clicky buttons, little switches, and metal dials. A set of screens came down, each one looking out in another direction. I had the BOBCAT's eyes ahead, and a few extra sensor feeds around me.

A faint hum that I hadn't noticed slowed down, then stopped, and the feed for the main gun, the 30mm railgun that ran along the mecha's back, switched to green. The capacitors were full-up and ready to go.

I glanced over to where Gomorrah was, then snorted as her mech took a single, slow step forward.

There was just something about the slowness of the motion that told me that she was still getting used to it.

I jumped forwards, clearing ten feet in a bounce, then I pushed the mecha a little faster, running around the Bastion and around the other side. The seat I was in moved slightly countering the worst of the bounces, though I could still feel the motion. This thing was a lot smoother and faster than the MEOW. It wasn't quite on the level of the Nyanzerfaust. Somewhere in between.

I checked the guns real quick, targeting random army trucks and artillery pieces. It was a nice, simple-to-use system... could probably use a few safeguards. There was nothing stopping me from firing at all, but I supposed that this was a Samurai vehicle, so that didn't matter so much.

"Comms check, can you hear me, Gom?" I asked.

She came in with a deep breath. "I can. This is a little more difficult to pilot than the Righteous Fury."

"Well, its got legs, for one," I said. "Maybe you'd have better luck with four, huh?" I asked.

"Tsk. Still on about that? I'm not a furry, Catherine."

"I'm not either!" I said.

"Of course not," she replied.

"Oh your god, you are such a bitch," I said. "Come on, go stow your little toy in the Bastion. We'll gather the others up and head out. The aliens won't burn themselves."

"We'll see about that. Also, can it with the blasphemy."

"You know that I don't know what that means."

***

A note from RavensDagger

I started a new fic called Black Apron - Max Level Archmaid

Gonna start posting it on RR in November, but the first chapters are free up on my patreon: /collection/2375053?view=expanded

Here, we have some art:

Uh... here's the blurb too:

Rosaria Thorn had one claim to fame.

In the world’s biggest VRMMO, she reached max level, stacked enough high-tier Jobs to make PvP guilds nervous, dressed her terrifying endgame avatar in a maid uniform, and spent her free time defending the game’s final boss from other players.

Then she died.

Now she’s woken up inside that same avatar, in a world that looks disturbingly familiar.

Her first order of business is obvious: find the Demon Lady she once protected. Unfortunately, the former final boss is imprisoned, dying, and has one final quest to offer her: Protect my granddaughter so that she may one day retake the world.

Said granddaughter is currently attending a prestigious magic academy, where she is failing her classes, losing fights, making enemies, tripping over furniture, and generally proving herself spectacularly unsuited to being the heir of a Demon Lady.

Rosaria accepts immediately. After all, she is a [Maid].

And a [Maid]’s duty is to keep her mistress safe, her uniform spotless, and any potential threats at a comfortable distance... Preferably six feet underground.