Book 10: Chapter 16: Will You Help Them?
Sen had returned with Master Feng from the wilds to find a subdued Ai waiting with Auntie Caihong. They went through their usual routine of Sen asking Ai about her day, and her regaling him with tales of birds subjugated to her imperial will and yucky bugs slaughtered at her command. She brightened up while telling him about her adventures, but there was something underneath it all. A kind of melancholy that seemed odd and out of character for his daughter. When it was finally time to put her to bed, Sen broached the topic.
“Are you sad, Ai?” he asked gently.
She had a blanket pulled up over her chin and mouth, so it felt vaguely like the bed itself was staring at him with her expressive eyes. It was a disconcerting impression. She started to shake her head but stopped when he lifted an eyebrow at her. She thought for a few seconds before she pulled the blanket down from her mouth.
“You have to go away again,” she said.
It wasn’t a question. It was Sen’s turn to be thoughtful for a moment. He’d resolved a while back not to lie to her. He knew that some parents did it with the best of intentions. He even understood. They wanted to shield their children from the ugliness of the world, even if that shield was both weak and temporary. Children would inherit all of those adult responsibilities soon enough. So, why burden them before it was absolutely necessary? On the other hand, the world was tearing itself apart around them. That madness hadn’t found its way to their home, yet, but it was only a matter of time. He could possibly push off that moment, but it would mean going away. He’d have no choice but to leave if he acquiesced to Master Feng and Uncle Kho’s mad scheme. Wincing inside, he nodded.
“Yes, I’ll probably have to go away again,” he admitted.
“Why?” she asked.
He could see that she was fighting the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes, and it broke his heart. She’s trying so hard to be strong, he thought. Did I do that to her somehow? Infect her with the idea that she can never feel weak? It wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility, but he didn’t think he’d done it intentionally. He’d certainly never said anything like that to her. He’d felt weak and helpless all the time when he’d been her age as he hid in dark corners and prayed that there would be enough food or that it wouldn’t get too cold at night. He’d shed more than a few tears in those long-ago days. They’d been silent tears. It was a harsh necessity to avoid drawing attention, but he’d shed them all the same. He reached out and brushed a few stray strands of hair from her forehead. He was trying to buy time to measure just how much to tell her. He wouldn’t lie to her but there were some truths that no child needed to know.
“There are some very bad things happening right now,” he said before hastily adding a follow-up thought. “They’re far away, right now, but a lot of people are getting hurt. I want to make sure that those things stay far, far away from you. To do that, I have to go away.”