Chapter 63: I wanted to be liked, loved, even
I spent some time in the restroom, battling with my thoughts here and there, before returning to my office.
I opened my office door, only to find a lunchbox on my desk. I gave out a little smile with a little sigh as I muttered,
"Is it Seojin’s turn today?"
The lunchboxes were colored. The green lunchbox was sent from Seojin, and the grey lunchbox was sent from Seojun. They probably figured it would be easier for me to differentiate the sender through the color.
I looked at the lunchbox and my smile fell. Was it okay to do this? Accepting the lunchbox from them made me feel like I was acknowledging their feelings and I wasn’t. I just like free things.
And that even made me feel guilty. Like they were putting effort into their actions to get recognized by me, but I was taking it so lightly and accepting with no thoughts of giving them a chance.
It made me feel horrible. Yet, I could not refuse their kindness and consideration.
’Why would anyone like someone like me? I... I’m no good.’ I thought to myself while stuffing my face with the food from the lunchbox. I was sad but I still ate it.
My last lovers all said the same thing. They all looked down on me and regretted getting together with me because I was... What you call... A shell.
Pretty on the outside but empty on the inside.
I might look attractive or approachable on the outside, attracting admirers and all, even plain shells attracted attention, but once they took a look inside me, there was nothing to show forth. Nothing worth paying attention to. I was a hole with nothing to give.