Chapter 90: Lost again
Ash’s pov ;
Sitting on the edge of the couch, I stared blankly at the floor because the sound of Elijah’s crying was still painfully echoing in my head.
My heart felt heavy with guilt and the overwhelming longing to run to his side and hug him tightly. But I couldn’t do it at that time.
Noah’s voice broke through the silence. "Ash...is this really your final decision?"
I looked up at him, my vision blurred with unshed tears. I nodded, even though it felt like I was tearing myself apart. "If I stay, I’ll keep remembering...I’ll keep remembering that I’m the reason Elijah’s parents are dead. How can I stay after that?"
His gaze softened, sympathy etched into his features. "But leaving...you know it’ll break him, right? He loves you, Ash. If it was past I would have agreed with your decision but after seeing him crying for you like that–"
I shook my head, my heart tightening whenever I remembered his pleadings. "N-Noah...how can he love me after all this? How can he look at me without hating me?"
Noah didn’t respond immediately, and I could see the struggle in his eyes. He was trying to find the right words, something that would make sense of this mess. But nothing could. Nothing would ever make this okay.
"I don’t want to leave him," I admitted, my voice trembling. "I don’t want to walk away and never see him again. But I can’t stay here, Noah. I can’t stay and watch him suffer because of me. Because every time he looks at me, he’ll remember. He’ll remember what I did."