Chapter 33: Impossible Emotions
Zane~
The first rays of sunlight filtered through the curtains as I stirred awake. Mornings had always been quiet moments of reflection for me, though not always peaceful. It was Saturday, a day that should have allowed me to sleep in, but my body was already wired to wake up early. I stretched, exhaling deeply before sitting up.
The house was quiet, which wasn’t surprising. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, rubbing my temples before standing. My first instinct was to check on Alexander. Ever since he developed the habit of running away from home, that instinct developed in me too. But recently, Alexander had a new habit of sneaking out of his room in the middle of the night, and more often than not, I’d find him curled up somewhere else. With Natalie.
It wasn’t uncommon to find my son glued to her side, especially during the nights. He adored her, saw her as the mother he never had, and I was very grateful to the goddess for that. As I reached Natalie’s door, I hesitated, hand hovering over the knob. A part of me wanted to retreat, to let them enjoy their moment of peace, but curiosity won out. Slowly, I turned the handle and pushed the door open.
My eyes instinctively landed on the bed, but the bed was empty, its pristine state confirming no one had touched it all night.
I sighed. Again?
My gaze shifted, following the soft sound of breathing to the other side of the bed. And there they were.
Natalie was curled up on the floor, a thin blanket barely covering her, holding Alexander tightly against her chest. Alex, in turn, clutched a ridiculously bright green stuffed animal almost as big as his little body. I didn’t remember getting him that one, but Alexander had so many toys that it was hard to keep track.
A pang of guilt shot through me as I recalled how Alexander had told me the other day that Natalie was scared of "fancy beds." Whatever that meant, I couldn’t comprehend why she chose the floor over comfort. Yet, seeing her now—peaceful, protective, vulnerable—it struck something deep within me.
Stepping inside, I crouched down, careful not to wake either of them. My hands moved on autopilot as I gently slid Alexander out of Natalie’s arms, blanket and stuffed toy included. His tiny body shifted slightly, but he didn’t stir. I placed him on the bed, arranging him in a way I hoped looked comfortable. Then, I turned back to Natalie.
Her expression was serene, a stark contrast to the wariness she wore during the day. For a moment, I hesitated. She’d always kept me at arm’s length, her secrets buried deep, but here she looked so open, so unguarded. Shaking off the strange sensation, I slid my arms beneath her, lifting her as gently as I could.