Prologue
General Mac “Truck” Richardson of the United States Marine Corps looked at the phone book thick file in front of him. It was one of seven such files detailing the life and exploits of a remarkable marine who died in the line of duty. Or more accurately, was vaporized. At least he died doing what he loved, killing everything around him.
Nobody knew if thirty-six year old Corporal Francis Francis Francis the 3rd (known affectionately as “Triple F”, “Trip”, or “Flamingo”) was crazy, stupid, or just really good at his job. If Francis was as intelligent as his test scores suggested, he certainly never let on.
The filing cabinet that housed his records was filled with commendations and corrective actions that read like something Michael Bay would write, if he were on a steady drip of bad acid, anabolic steroids, and horse tranquilizers.
Some of them stuck out in particular. The General had high enough clearance to see what had been redacted and it read like an extremely violent game of mad libs.
| Corporal Francis has been awarded the Medal of Honor for his actions on Penguin Beach which saved the lives of sixteen Marines and twenty civilians. Corporal Francis has been reprimanded for trying to trade his Medal of Honor for Pokémon cards. Corporal Francis has been reminded that C4 explosives and C4 pre-workout supplement are not the same. Corporal Francis has been issued a commendation for destroying a fortified enemy bunker with C4 pre-workout supplement. Corporal Francis has been awarded a purple heart for being wounded in combat at Waffle House. Corporal Francis has been reprimanded for referring to medals as “stickers” and asking the officers if they want to trade. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on NovelFire. Report any occurrences. Corporal Francis has been reminded that the best part of waking up is not “napalm in your cup”, even if it is “better than that shit in the mess hall”. Corporal Francis has been hospitalized for drinking napalm. Corporal Francis is no longer allowed to run into firefights “sky clad”, even if he is “In a hurry to get some killing done”. Corporal Francis is no longer allowed to participate in joint training exercises with Delta Force, following the ”Cokey the Bear” incident. Corporal Francis has been listed as MIA following the detonation of an arms depot outside the Saddam Hussein Memorial Skate Park.
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