Chapter 186
- ASAMI -
The ear scarping noise as my dagger scribbles something on a metal board leaves me running mad but I’m not stopping. The scratches on the board tell an undeniable tale of suffering but it’s an object after all, I’ve had to feel this turmoil on my own skin before.
I’m clutched on a chair in a corner of my room, my ass and feet rest on the chair seat so close to each other and my upper body hangs over my knees. While one hand plays with the dagger on the metal board which is on the desk before me, the other dangles loosely, facing the ground. Shuriken blades dangle between each space between each finger as I fold them and let them loose, spreading them apart while enjoying the sound. These blades have wounded my fingers. I can feel my blood run down my hands and drip to the floor but I don’t do a thing.
I’m fucked up in the head. Everything that made sense suddenly doesn’t and this is because I chose to play tag. How awful it is to witness one’s plans fumble before their very own eyes. I can’t do the shit I wanted to anymore. Not when Killian knows. Something tells me he’d take my life without a second thought if it came down to it.
He’s been very lenient with me and I got too comfortable. I let out a sharp gasp as a blade slices through my palm. This is when I let go of all of shuriken blades. The clang as the metal blades hit against each other and fall on the floor resonates in my room, filling my ears.
I’m trying to think. S needs Hazel alive. Killian wants Hazel alive. Owen. . . I don’t know what he wants. I’m the only one desirous to make her life miserable but even that time was short lived. I should’ve let her fall down the building when I had the chance. Not from a height where she’d die, of course, but from a height that would leave her in so much pain she’d have to sit exams out and suffer several broken bones. A height that’ll get her close to having fatal wounds.
Maybe I’ll have a little sanity if she wasn’t roaming around him so much. But then, Killian would go to her.
A grimace forms on my face.
KILLIAN! KILLIAN!! KILLIAN!! He’s all I can think about! I sneer, a scoff escaping my mouth. The asshole doesn’t even dare think about me once. Why am I going mental and losing myself and worth because of him?!
WHY CAN’T I LET GO?!!
With rage seeping through my body, I fling the dagger forward. It lands on the wall, hanging there.
I think I know the answer to that question. I don’t want to let go. Like a moth drawn to a flame and Icarus to the sun, it’s difficult for people like me to let go of the one shiny light they experienced in their life. Maybe it’s fear to move on or the fear that I’ll never be able to meet someone just as twisted as me who wouldn’t be influenced by my job in any way, I don’t know, I can’t tell. A sigh leaves my lips.