Chapter 179
- HAZEL -
My heart is beating terribly fast in my rib cage and the heavy thumping of my chest with each heart beat leaves me alarmed.
My mind is everywhere else but where it’s supposed to be and I don’t need to focus on anything else but my reality yet it’s hard not to. I can’t think straight. I can’t tell if I’m supposed to think straight.
My body and mind want two different things and it’s really contradictory. Correction, my body, heart and mind want different things. If I thought I was holding my resolve before, this encounter just shattered it. I draw my eyes from my bed to my laptop.
When I left Killian’s office today, I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. My mind was a havoc and everything about school just begged me to run. It started here kind of. My whole peril.
How my one night stand became my professor then my bed friend’s fiancé. How I needed to pretend like I didn’t feel the things that I felt for him. How we bonded. . . How I became secretive. . . How I met Asami. . .
Everything links back to this school and dumbass hostel. Not that it helped, but being away from school premises eased my mind off a teeny bit. I’m still in school but in my dorm room. I’ve been on my bed since then, trying to read but can’t because these thoughts won’t let me.
All it took was his touch and lips on my skin to remind me of what I’m missing. I close my eyes and let my mind dive back into this afternoon. If things weren’t so bad, I’d have reacted differently to him trapping me against a wall while his fingers caressed my body in a torturous kind of way.
I let my hand curl up my thighs, circling the areas he touched while remembering him do it. The moment my finger settled between my legs, I gasped. My eyes opened immediately and peered at my laptop screen. Tears run down my cheeks and I clear my throat.