Chapter 532 - 514: Love and Hatred Entwined
Feng Shu looked towards the palace path, seeing Chen Lin with Dongxue and Xia Zhu running deep into the palace. Yuwen Jing had no interest in them; as long as Feng Shu was alive, none of them could leave the Imperial Palace Inner Court. To him, their lives were as insignificant as ants, and keeping them alive was only for Feng Shu’s sake. If he wanted to kill, he could do so at any time.
"When did you arrange for people to be ambushed?" Feng Shu asked coldly. If Xie Xun and Ayu were not fully prepared, they wouldn’t have acted. Ayu was so cautious, the plan must have been flawless, yet Yuwen Jing still noticed. Where did it go wrong?
"Do you think the Imperial Palace Inner Court is a place to come and go as you please? I don’t know when that group of Shadow Guards started operating within the Imperial Palace, but a year ago, the inner guards had already detected their presence. It’s because of you that I’ve shown such leniency, allowing you to correspond with Ningzhou, and even graciously sparing the letters Fengyu sent to you from any prying eyes." Yuwen Jing slowly stood up, and the moonlight stretched his shadow long. He was different from when he was the Crown Prince; after years as emperor, the oppressive aura around Yuwen Jing was extremely intense.
Already, there was the oppressive force of a monarch in anger, a harbinger of disaster.
"Shu’er, you have greatly disappointed me!" Yuwen Jing’s eyes were slightly red with disappointment and sorrow. "You wanted to mourn for your husband, and I allowed it, letting you stay at Xiangguo Temple for a year. When Xie Jue came to save you, you didn’t leave, and I took it as you staying in the capital for your relatives. I brought you to the inner palace, gave you honor and favor, let your grandmother and mother come and go as they pleased to ease your longing. I allowed you to communicate with your sister. You wanted to mourn for three full years, fine, I didn’t touch you, as long as you stayed obediently in the palace. Whatever you wanted, I gave you. I believed that sincerity could open even the hardest hearts, but why have you repeatedly tested my limits? Over the past two years, you began to waver, you would smile at me, dine with me, be willing to talk with me, but it turns out you were always deceiving me, always longing to escape from my side. Feng Shu, no matter how I try to warm your heart, you remain unmoved. I was even willing to share the whole country with you, what more could you want?"
Feng Shu looked at his frantic appearance with cold detachment, feeling only irony. She and Yuwen Jing never really talked, she had nothing to say to him.
Their paths diverged in ideology and goals; they could never cooperate.
The Jinyi Guard standing on the city tower listened to the emperor’s humble yet intense love, unable to attain it, each bowing their heads, not daring to look at him. The close Jinyi Guard all knew that Yuwen Jing only wanted Feng Shu, yet he could never get her. Just a smile from Feng Shu could make Yuwen Jing happy for an entire day. If Feng Shu was willing to talk to him, he would empty the imperial treasury of all its treasures just to give them to her.
Chen Mo waved his hand, and the Jinyi Guard withdrew a few steps, avoiding this dispute, leaving the city tower for Yuwen Jing and Feng Shu. Only Chen Mo remained nearby, protecting Yuwen Jing from a short distance.
"Yuwen Jing, if I had known in my youth that meeting you would lead to this life’s misfortune, from the moment I left for Ningzhou I would have confined myself at home. No matter how much I loved freedom, how much I loved the mountains and rivers, I would have shut myself in. We were not meant to know each other, let alone have a childhood friendship. Do you know why I never realized your affection? Because you don’t understand love, so I couldn’t feel it." When she parted ways with Yuwen Jing, she was too young; he had already come to the Capital City. How could the young girl see that Yuwen Jing liked her? "When I came to the Capital City later, you summoned me several times. I thought you were just nostalgic for the times in Ningzhou, but hadn’t realized you would take things further. Since then, I’ve traveled back and forth between Jiangnan and the Capital, rarely staying long in the Capital. Yuwen Jing, you don’t understand me at all. Your memory stays at when I was eight years old. You don’t know what I’ve been through these years, nor my matured disposition, interests, what do you love about me? You only love the idealized Feng Shu in your mind. You always ask me why you can’t compare to Xie Zhang, but where can you compare with him?"
"My husband was born into a military family, brought up by his father who taught him manners, intelligence, and courage. At ten, he learned tactical formations with his father on the battlefield. He should’ve grown up among the splendor of the Capital but instead studied military books in the harsh borderlands, with only one wish in his heart, to drive away the Beiman in the future, to protect Yanyang’s territory and its people. He began fighting on the battlefield at fourteen, facing death countless times. At sixteen, he faced the victorious Beiman King alone, almost losing an arm, comatose for two months, nearly dying. At eighteen, he led the Ningzhou Iron Cavalry Vanguard, never falling behind because of his status, slaying countless enemy generals. He was a hero with every scar on his body being a mark of his service to the country and its people. At twenty, he was titled General Zhaowu, set to inherit the Ningzhou Iron Cavalry and guard Ningzhou for life. He was supposed to be the chief commander opposing the Beiman, willing to forsake the Capital’s grandeur to defend the borders. Yet due to your selfishness, he died young. The Marquis Zhenbei Mansion’s five generations have all stood against the Beiman’s iron cavalry. My husband spent his life defending the border, while you colluded with the Beiman, shooting him with enemy arrows, taking his life. Yuwen Jing, how dare you compare yourself with him! He is the moon in the sky, and you are not even as good as the dirt on the ground!"
Feng Shu finally spoke her heart freely, letting out three years of suffocation, grievance, and hatred like a flood. She feared nothing anymore.
Her parents and grandmother had passed away.
Ruyi had grown up safely.
What more did she have to fear?
Yuwen Jing suddenly clamped Feng Shu’s throat, pinning her against the city wall. Yuwen Jing, inherently strong, could easily snap her neck with just a little force. His eyes were filled with terrifying anger and jealousy.
He loathed being compared to Xie Zhang by others.
Feng Shu’s choice of Xie Zhang over him was the most hated incident in his life. Except for Feng Shu, no one dared mention Xie Zhang in front of him. He dearly wanted to kill her!
To kill the woman he both loved and hated!
Once he killed her, love or pain, it would all cease to exist.
"So, you want to kill me, do you? You deliberately inquired about the health dishes that the Empress made for me, then made a counteracting dish, smiling at me every day, coaxing me to eat them, with the intention of claiming my life? I killed Xie Zhang; which emperor would tolerate the Marquis Zhenbei Mansion, with merits overshadowing and weakening imperial power? But I gave you my heart, why can’t you see that, and yet you still want to kill me, Feng Shu? I almost believed you would truly be moved and want to live peacefully with me, but it turns out you were deceiving me all along!"
He looked at the woman grasping for breath in front of him with hatred. With more force, she wouldn’t be his heart’s demon, nor his weakness. Once he killed her, he wouldn’t suffer anymore!
A voice inside him frantically shouted to kill her.
Chen Mo, standing behind him, wanted to speak up but hesitated. He should remind Yuwen Jing, aware of how strong Yuwen Jing was, breaking a person’s neck was no difficult matter.
If he killed Feng Shu, he would surely regret it!
Yuwen Jing released her just as Feng Shu was about to suffocate. She clung to the railing on the city wall, breathing frantically, her heart aching from the suffocation.
Yuwen Jing suddenly hugged Feng Shu as if he were crazed, like a child who committed a mistake, "Shu’er, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I lost control for a moment. Does it hurt? I was wrong, why do you have to provoke me? I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it."
He tenderly caressed her neck, red from his grip, feeling both heartache and helplessness. He was no longer the majestic emperor, just a pitiful man whose love was unreciprocated and unattainable.
Feng Shu felt nauseous from his touch and angrily pushed him away.
Yuwen Jing’s expression instantly turned grim, "Shu’er, it doesn’t matter, everyone else is dead, so you’re mine. Xie Zhang is dead, his remains nothing but dust, he’ll never come back to life. Once I capture Xie Xun and Fengyu, use them to lure out Xie Jue, everyone in Marquis Zhenbei Mansion will die in this Capital City. Once they’re dead, the Ningzhou Iron Cavalry will be leaderless and eventually scatter. You know, dogs that are overly loyal are too hard to tame, better to kill them!"
"What do you plan to do?" Feng Shu asked warily, the midnight had long passed, the moon cast a cold light over the ground, and a shiver of cold ran down Feng Shu’s spine, "You want to use me to lure out Zhixu and Ayu?"
"Exactly!" Yuwen Jing sneered, "I originally wanted to give Fengyu a way out, have Chen Mo bring her back, and reunite you sisters, but she was disobedient and escaped halfway. Escaping was one thing, but to dare return to the Capital, that’s truly bold. Who would have thought, two-for-one, Xie Xun came too. They’re audacious enough to think they can rescue you from the palace; what wishful thinking. I ignored you all to please you. I love you so much, even if the health food was poisoned, I would drink it down sip by sip. Shu’er, I really love you, and yet you treat me this way. Since you don’t cherish becoming my treasure, then try becoming my pawn. You shall witness firsthand how Xie Xun and Fengyu are pierced by a thousand arrows, just like Xie Zhang back then!"