Chapter 185 - 186
"You already have," came a caring response. Giving him a gentle push and then resting his hands on Alistar’s shoulders, Caedmon adopted a grateful look. "I lost my wife soon after your mother was sent off to marry your father. I’ll admit that I had never been so despondent in my life, a sort of sadness that I thought would last forever. That is, until Alder found you on the Winding Road and brought you here to our home.
"You, Alistar, have brought a fresh breath of life to this estate, of that I’m sure everyone here would agree with me on. Especially Anice." Speaking in a tone of admission, he said, "I’ve always been far busier than I’d have preferred, and I fear it’s taken a toll on her. She was quite reckless in her younger days—Lucian knows that’s still the case—so she was rarely allowed to leave the property on her own. With you around, however, not only did she have a friend that was always within arm’s reach, I also knew that I wouldn’t have to worry so much about allowing her to venture into town if you were there alongside her. Because of you, she could finally see her friends as much as she wanted to."
Feeling a small frown appear on his face, he said, "I’m afraid she doesn’t seem too pleased with me as of late. Not that I blame her."
"She’s just confused, Alistar. You’re a smart young man, so I’m sure you know the reason."
Alistar stared at the distant hill that Lessa had disappeared around a short while ago and recalled Alder’s words from a previous time when he’d sought the chamberlain’s counsel. "I just...I just don’t want to be like my uncles. My other uncles."
Caedmon let out a light laugh, pulling back his hands and wiping a bit of sweat from his neck with the collar of his silver tunic. "You couldn’t be more different than them."
He stared his uncle in the eyes. "I have romantic feelings for more than one woman. How can I ever be sincere to one without hurting the other?"
He’d already caused Anice a lot of grief, he thought with frustration, and would surely cause much more in pursuit of his future plans.
"This is but a Chapter of your life, Alistar. When you’re older, you’ll come to understand that such feelings are part and parcel of growing up."