Chapter 77 - 75. Numb
Weren’t he sick of that kind of life?
He was. Of course, he was. Or rather, he used to be. Zein was a human after all. He used to feel sick of not having a guarantee for tomorrow, of struggling just to eat, to keep worrying about his brothers.
He was so sick of it that he wanted to get out of the red-zone.
He was so sick of it that he grew numb. He learned so much about coping with his limitation, of accepting his fate.
Now he just didn’t care much. He just lived the way life roll its path for him, and he stopped questioning it. People like him had no leeway of choosing the path they wanted, of doing the thing they wanted.
But was there really something that he wanted in the first place?
He made a journey to the borderland to find an answer. He made a journey to the green-zone to find another answer. But even then, all the things that he did; guiding, training others, joining the research...
None of it could be said as something he truly wanted, but instead something he couldn’t help but do. A path that had been laid by others for him to thread.
Was he hoping for a peaceful life? He used to have a reason to, but now he just didn’t care. Was he hoping for an adventurous life? Not really. Was he hoping for a dangerous life? He didn’t think so.
Just one question led him to enter this state where he realized that he didn’t even know whether he wanted to live or die. He remembered how numb he became a few days ago, and he was reminded how numb he was now.
"I bet if I kiss you now, you won’t even react,"