Chapter 170: Selfish
Mimi’s cries pierce the quiet halls, and I feel a pang of helplessness sharper than any blade. She’s so tiny, her face scrunched up in distress, tears streaming down her rosy cheeks. Her wails echo around me, and I’m acutely aware of just how lost I am.
"Shhh, little girl. I don’t know what to do, okay? I’m trying," I say softly, my voice cracking under the weight of my inadequacy. Her little fists flail, and I shift her in my arms, trying to offer some kind of comfort.
I glance around, hoping for someone—anyone—to appear and save me from this. Noelle’s been doing this alone for months. Months. He’s the one who’s carried her through every sleepless night, every tear, every moment of uncertainty.
And now, not even an hour in, I’m here, panicked, looking for help like some coward. I swallow hard, determination bubbling up inside me. I’m not going to be that guy. I can’t be that guy.
"Alright, alright, Mimi," I murmur, trying to keep my voice calm despite the rising panic. "We’re going to figure this out, okay? Just... give me a second here."
Her cries don’t let up, and I rock her gently, the motion awkward and unfamiliar. I’ve held swords with more confidence than I hold her now, but I keep trying. "Waaa!!!" she wails again, her tiny body squirming in my arms.
"Shhh, little girl. I don’t know, okay? I don’t know," I repeat, my words more for me than for her. I feel ridiculous, out of my depth, but I keep moving. Someone told me Mona’s in the kitchen preparing her food. That’s where I need to go.
Step by step, I carry her through the halls, her cries pulling at something deep inside me. I feel the weight of every moment Noelle endured on his own, and I grit my teeth. He deserves rest, and Mimi deserves a father who can handle this.
"Alright, Mimi. Let’s find your food," I say, trying to inject some confidence into my voice. "Just hang in there with me, okay? We’re going to figure this out."