Chapter 129: Fear
I don’t stop. I can’t stop. Every time I think I should rest, that I need to, my brain refuses. The thought of stopping feels like surrendering, like allowing something horrible to happen to Noelle. So I push on. My heart pounds in my chest, not just from the exertion, but from the panic that has taken hold of me, sinking its claws deep into my flesh, refusing to let go.
All I can think about is getting back to him. My beloved star, my Noelle. He’s the only thing keeping me tethered to this world. Without him, I’m lost. The idea of something happening to him while I’m miles away... it makes my blood run cold, my breath hitch in my throat. The anxiety swells in my chest, tightening like a vice, making it hard to breathe. But I can’t stop, not when there’s even the smallest chance that he’s in danger. Every muscle aches, my bones feel as though they’re cracking under the strain of pushing forward, but none of it matters. The exhaustion clawing at me is nothing compared to the fear gnawing at my insides.
I’ve changed horses so many times I’ve lost count. Each time, the beast beneath me heaves, barely able to keep pace with my frantic need for speed. I’ve pushed them all to their limits, their hooves pounding the earth in a relentless rhythm, the sound echoing in my ears like a heartbeat, driving me forward. But still, it isn’t enough. It’s never fast enough. Every second that passes feels like an eternity. Three weeks. The journey from Bodin to Aspen takes three fucking weeks, and every minute of it is pure agony.
I should be careful, I know that. I should pace myself. But the logical part of my brain is buried under the weight of my fear, drowned out by the pounding in my chest and the roaring in my ears. I’ve traveled nonstop, ignoring the burning in my muscles, the ache in my bones, the exhaustion that threatens to drag me under with every passing mile. I can’t stop, because if I do, the anxiety will swallow me whole. It’s already clawing at the edges of my mind, whispering all the terrible things that could happen, filling my head with images I can’t bear to see.
What if I’m too late?
That thought haunts me, following me like a shadow, clinging to every step, every breath. What if Thomas did something? What if he’s hurt Noelle? The possibilities churn in my gut, twisting and writhing until I feel like I might be sick. My hands tremble as I grip the reins, knuckles white, jaw clenched so hard it aches.
I’ve barely slept. How could I, when every time I close my eyes, I see Noelle’s face twisted in pain, his bright eyes dull and lifeless? The fear is suffocating, it presses down on me like a weight I can’t shake off. Every breath feels shallow, every heartbeat too fast, too frantic. I try to shake the images from my mind, but they cling to me, relentless and cruel.
What if I lose him?