Chapter 127: Thoughts
After months of being absent from these social gatherings, I finally understand why Noelle prefers to stay in. The moment I step into the grand banquet hall, my body is hit with a wave of fatigue, my back aching from the weight of it all—this baby, the endless social pleasantries, the stifling presence of royals, and the constant whispers behind my back. It’s all too much. I glance around the room, bored beyond measure, my gaze drifting over the extravagant décor, the opulent chandeliers casting a soft, golden light over the lavish surroundings. It’s beautiful, sure, but I find no joy in any of it.
Father left the capital recently, and no one seems to know exactly why. There are rumors, of course—rumors of some altercation between him and His Majesty. Honestly, I don’t care to know the details. If Thorne had taken matters into his own hands, I might not even have a father to speak of right now. And while that thought should trouble me, it doesn’t. Not really. The idea of a life without my father feels more like a relief than anything else. I love but he is a tad bit too much sometimes.
I shift my weight, trying to ease the pressure on my lower back. The pain is a dull, constant throb, and it only worsens with every passing minute. I’m not sure how much longer I can stand here pretending to care about the idle chatter of nobles who think they know everything about everyone.
"Are you okay?" A familiar voice interrupts my thoughts.
Victor. He steps up beside me, his hand finding the small of my back in a possessive gesture that I don’t mind as much as I probably should. I lean into his touch, just a little, seeking comfort in the warmth of his hand. There’s something primal in the way I react to him, something instinctual that I can’t quite control. It makes me feel weak, but also... grounded. I guess I’m ruled by my omega nature more than I’d like to admit.
I still love Thorne—he’s my first love, my only love, really. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him. It’s hard to imagine a world where I could. But with him out of the picture, I’ve come to realize that having someone by your side—anyone—is better than being alone. Even if that someone isn’t the person you truly want. Victor may not be Thorne, but he’s here. He’s mine, in his own way, and that’s enough.
I glance up at him, catching the possessive gleam in his eyes as he watches the crowd. It’s strange, this sudden jealousy I feel. I’m not in love with Victor, not like I love Thorne, but the thought of sharing his attention with anyone else makes my skin crawl. I can now under how Noelle felt, having to share Thorne with me or anyone made him so angry.
The thought of being Thorne’s concubine—of always being second, always knowing he loved Noelle more—would have eaten away at me. Even now, it stings to think about. I would have had to live with that every single day, knowing that no matter what I did, no matter how much I loved him, I would never be his first choice. And maybe that’s why I don’t mind the way things are the way they are. Maybe it’s better like this.
"Ollie?" Victor’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts again, his concern evident as he looks down at me. He’s dressed up for once—after so much arguing and fighting, I managed to get him into something decent, and I have to admit, he cleans up well. He’s not looking like his usual homeless self tonight, at least.