Episode-982
Chapter : 1963
"They will later," Lloyd said, leaning against the edge of his desk. He crossed his arms, but he didn't look closed off. He looked like he was trying to hold himself together. "You used a lot of power yesterday. Your core isn't used to that kind of output. You shouldn't be walking around."
"I couldn't stay in bed," Airin admitted. "I... I needed to talk to you."
Lloyd nodded slowly. He gestured to the comfortable chair in front of his desk. "Sit down. Do you want some water? Or tea? I think I have some tea somewhere, though it might be cold."
"I don't want tea," Airin said. She didn't sit down. She stayed standing, wanting to face him on equal ground.
The room went silent for a moment. It wasn't an awkward silence, but it was heavy. It was the silence of two people who had shared a life-or-death moment and hadn't figured out how to fit it into their normal lives yet.
Lloyd looked at her, really looked at her. He wasn't seeing the ghost of his past right now. He was seeing the young woman standing in his office, wearing a school uniform and bandages, looking at him with a determination that scared him a little.
"Okay," Lloyd said. "We can talk. What's on your mind? Is it about the Seventh Circle? I've already increased security around the dorms. You don't have to worry about them coming back."
"It's not about the bad guys," Airin said. She took a step closer. "It's about us."
Lloyd tensed up. He looked away, focusing on a spot on the wall. "Airin... we talked about this. You know the situation. You know who I am. You know... the baggage I carry."
He was putting up walls. He was trying to be the responsible adult, the protector who keeps people safe by keeping them away. He was trying to be the lonely soldier again.
"I know," Airin said. "I know everything. I have the memories, Lloyd. I remember how stubborn you are. I remember how you try to carry the whole world on your shoulders because you think no one else is strong enough."
Lloyd flinched. "That was a different life. That was a different man."
"Was it?" Airin asked softly. "Because yesterday, in the greenhouse, I saw the same man. I saw the man who would burn down the world to save one person. I saw the man who is so terrified of losing people that he tries to push them away before they can get hurt."
She took another step. She was close enough to touch him now, but she kept her hands at her sides.
"I spent all night thinking," Airin continued. "I thought about the memories. I thought about Anastasia. For a long time, I was scared of her. I was scared that you were only looking at me because I had her face. I thought I was just a replacement. A doll you were using to pretend she wasn't dead."
Lloyd looked back at her, pain flashing in his eyes. "That's not true. You know that's not true."
"I know," Airin said. "I know that now. But I didn't know it before. I was terrified. I thought I was just a ghost to you."
She took a deep breath, preparing to say the thing that had been burning in her chest since she woke up.
"But yesterday changed everything," she said. "When you aimed that cannon at me... when you trusted me to be the mirror... you weren't looking at a ghost. You were looking at me. You were trusting my math. My courage."
She looked down at her bandaged hands, then back up at his face.
"I realized something, Lloyd," she said. "I realized that I don't want to be safe. I don't want to be just a student who watches you from a distance. I don't want to be a memory."
Lloyd watched her, his expression unreadable, but his eyes intense. "What do you want, Airin?"
"I want to be here," she said firmly. "With you."
________________________________________
The words hung in the quiet office like dust motes in a sunbeam. I want to be here. With you.
Lloyd let out a long breath, running a hand over his face. He looked older than his physical age. He looked like a man who had lived a hundred years and was tired of fighting fate.
"Airin," he said, his voice low and rough. "You don't know what you're asking for. My life... it's a mess. It's a disaster zone."
Chapter : 1964
He pushed off the desk and started to pace a little, his restless energy filling the small room.
"Look at the reality," he said, counting off on his fingers. "I am married. My wife, Rosa... it’s complicated, but she is part of this house. I am engaged to a Princess of the Desert who uses spies like chess pieces. I am practically betrothed to Faria Kruts, a noblewoman who could burn this building down if she gets angry. And now there is Queen Seraphina in the South."
He stopped pacing and looked at her, his face serious.
"I am a walking political crisis," Lloyd said. "I have enemies who want to kill me. I have responsibilities that weigh a thousand tons. And you... you are a commoner. You have a scholarship. You have a bright future. You could be a great mage. You could have a normal, happy life with someone who doesn't have a death warrant on his head."
He spread his hands helplessly. "Why would you want to walk into this storm? Why would you want to be part of... this?"
Airin listened to him. She heard the logic. She heard the warnings. But she also heard the fear in his voice. He wasn't trying to reject her because he didn't want her. He was trying to scare her away for her own good.
She smiled. It was a small, knowing smile.
"You think I care about politics?" she asked.
"You should," Lloyd argued. "People will talk. The nobles will look down on you. They will say you are just a commoner trying to climb the ladder. It won't be easy. It will be cruel."
"I grew up selling vegetables in the market," Airin said. "I know how cruel people can be. I know how they look at people like me. I don't care about their whispers, Lloyd. I don't care about titles or crowns."
She walked up to him, invading his personal space. She forced him to stop pacing. She forced him to look at her.
"And about the other women..." Airin paused. She felt a little spike of jealousy, of course. It was only natural. But the memories of Anastasia gave her a different perspective. She remembered the war. In war, you didn't worry about normal rules. You worried about who would stand back-to-back with you when the shooting started.
"I know it's complicated," she said. "I know this isn't a fairy tale where the prince marries the girl and they live happily ever after in a quiet castle. I know you have alliances. I know you have duties."
She looked him square in the eye.
"But I also know that none of them know you like I do," she whispered.
Lloyd went still.
"They know Lloyd Ferrum," Airin said. "They know the genius. The hero. The Lord. But they don't know the man who hates mornings. They don't know the man who hums when he's fixing a machine. They don't know the soldier who cries when he thinks no one is watching."
She reached out and, very gently, touched the sleeve of his shirt.
"I love that man," she said.
Lloyd’s breath hitched. He looked at her hand on his arm as if it were a burning brand.
"I love the sarcastic way you talk when you're trying to hide your feelings," Airin continued, her voice gaining strength. "I love that monotone voice you use to pretend you don't care, even when I know you care more than anyone else. I love the heavy soul you carry around, the sadness that you try to bury under work and plans."
Tears pricked her eyes again, but they were tears of relief. It felt so good to finally say it.
"I tried to fight it," she admitted. "For weeks, I told myself it was just the memories. I told myself I was confused. But yesterday... when I was standing in that greenhouse... I realized that I wasn't fighting for a memory. I was fighting for you. The you that is standing here right now."
She looked up at his face. His mask was completely gone. He looked vulnerable. He looked open.
"I don't care if you have three wives or ten," Airin said fiercely. "I don't care if society thinks I'm not good enough. I don't care if it's dangerous. I choose this. I choose you."
She took a breath and delivered her final argument.