Glass Hearts [BL]

The cab dropped me off in front of the house, but for a while, I just sat there, staring at the door. My chest felt empty, my hands felt too heavy to even push myself out.

The second I opened the door, Diane was there.

She didn’t say a word, she just pulled me straight into her arms.

I collapsed into her shoulder before I even realized it, my arms tightened around her.

"Diane..." My voice cracked, muffled against her. "He’s gone."

Saying it out loud made it real in a way it hadn’t been yet. I felt her arms tighten around me, her hand trembled against the back of my head

She pressed a hand to the back of my head, holding me tighter. I felt her breath stutter against my ear.

She didn’t sob. Diane never let herself break in front of me. But her silence was worse.

"I know," she whispered, so soft it almost shattered me more. "I know, baby."

I pulled back just enough to see her face. Her eyes were swollen too. She brushed a tear off my cheek with her thumb, forcing a small smile. "Your suit’s upstairs. I ironed it already."

My throat tightened again. I hated that she had to do this. That she was ironing my clothes when she should’ve been grieving too.

"Thank you," I whispered, but it came out so broken it barely sounded like me.

I heard the sound of shoes against the floor and forced myself to leave her arms. In the living room, Ren stood against the wall in his black suit, hands shoved in his pockets, when he saw me, his jaw tightened.

Casper straightened from where he’d been leaning on the couch. "We decided to come here," he said quietly. "So we can all drive together."

I nodded.

"Alright," Casper added softly. "Go get dressed."

I glanced over at Jasper. He was sitting on the edge of the couch. When he looked at me, he tried to smile, but it was weak.

And somehow, that hurt the most.

Seeing them here without Liam.... it felt wrong. It would never be the same. Liam wasn’t coming back, no matter how much I wanted to scream, bargain, tear the world apart to make it so.

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I swallowed hard, and nodded.

Turning toward the stairs, I could feel their eyes on me. Every step I took upward echoed through the silence.

Upstairs, the suit Diane laid out was waiting on the bed. Black, properly ironed at the edges.

I hated it on sight.

But I couldn’t do it. Liam hated black. Said it made us all look like we were ’walking inside shadows.’ He always wore white.

I should put it on.

I should be moving.

Because putting it on meant admitting it.

That Liam was really gone.

I rubbed my palms over my face, but the sting in my eyes didn’t leave. Every time I closed my eyes, it was Liam’s laugh I heard. Liam’s voice, telling me I was being dramatic, telling me we still had forever.

No more Liam’s voice yelling, "Dom, hurry up, you’re slower than my grandma."

I dragged my hands down my face, looked at the suit again.

How was I supposed to wear this?

How was I supposed to bury him today?

Liam was supposed to stand next to me in his own suit, complaining about his tie choking him, making dumb faces during the service to make me laugh.

Not lying still. Not...

I stopped.

My breath stuttered.

My hands wouldn’t work. Buttons slipped through my fingers, and the more I fumbled, the angrier I got. At the shirt. At the day. At the universe for taking him away from me.

"Fuck!" I slammed my fist against the dresser.

So I reached into my drawer and pulled out the tie he once dared me to buy.... a ridiculous dark green one he said matched my eyes. I never actually wore it. Thought it was ugly. But now... now it feels like the only right thing to put on.

I hadn’t cried like this since I was a kid.

The sound was ugly, dragging out of me in gasps I couldn’t stop. My knees gave out, and I sank onto the floor, clutching the tie to my chest like it could hold me together.

My throat was tight, but I could almost hear his laugh. "Look at you, Dom. Smart as hell. Don’t trip over your own shoes at the funeral, yeah?"

I blinked hard, but the tears came anyway. I sat down on the edge of the bed, holding that tie like it was him.

Memories still kept flooding in. His laugh when I crashed our bikes into the ditch. His voice at 2 a.m. when we swore we’d always have each other’s backs. His arm slung over my shoulders after every stupid fight, saying, "Ride or die, Dom. Always."

Always.

The thought made my chest collapse. I bent forward, hands tangled in my hair, choking on sobs I didn’t even hear coming out of me.

I wiped my face roughly, trying to pull myself together. Diane would be waiting. Ren and the others too, the church was waiting, and the hole in the ground was waiting to swallow my best friend whole. Everyone expecting me to hold it together. To stand there like I’m not falling apart inside.

But I don’t know if I can.

I forced the shirt on, tears started soaking into the collar. The tie hung loose around my neck because my hands were trembling too much to knot it.

I caught my reflection in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize myself.

I swallowed hard, wiped my face with the back of my sleeve, and whispered again.

"Stay with me today, Liam. Please. Just... stay with me."

But the only answer was silence.

And then the worst memory hit me.... the one I never even let myself say out loud.

I never told him.

Not once. I never came out to him.

Not when he caught me staring too long at the boys’ team in middle school. Not when he shoved his arm around me at sixteen and said, "You know you can tell me anything, right?" Not when he sat with me on the roof last summer, both our legs dangling over the edge, laughing about how we’d never need anyone else as long as we had each other.

I should’ve told him.

That he wasn’t just my bestfriend. He was the first boy I ever loved. The first person who made me realize who I was.

The first person who ever made my heart race. The first boy I wanted to hold, to kiss, to keep.

But I didn’t. I swallowed it every time, too scared, too late, too cowardly.

And now he’ll never know.

My chest collapsed as I whispered into the silence, "You were my first love, Liam. I should’ve told you. I should’ve told you when you were still here."

But there was no answer. Just the soft creak of the house around me, and the weight of knowing I’d carry that secret alone for the rest of my life.

It was too late.

Forever ended before I ever got the chance.