C34 What was the point again ? (e)
What was the point again ?
So, this wall that he was supposed to build. It was harder then he thought it would be. Training to pull his entire energy into himself, that was easy somehow. But to project it outward in a controlled manner was revealing itself to be more, troublesome.
He managed it somewhat, but it did not feel quite solid, more like a thick mist around himself, spread out evenly. It wasn’t like he imagined it, an oval structure to be assembled, with a thin membrane. Something he was comparing with every science fiction enthusiasts dream, an energy shield.
“ Ok, I am not getting any further right now. “ Anthony sighed. Opening his eyes again, and now, nearly missing that annoying bastard and his strange manner of speaking.
Ludwig could probably give him a pointer, although, then again, he might just not. Given how he seemed to enjoy to just watch, and only speak up if Anthony was being to slow, or to crude in his efforts.
“ You ok ? “ Tilly asked as she leaned closer, softly planting a kiss on his neck, which gave him a pleasant shiver.
“ Yeah, just having trouble focusing. “ Anthony admitted, reaching back with his right hand to stroke through her hair.
“ Maybe you need to relax, hm ? “ She offered, and Anthony knew well what she was offering. And as alluring as the offer was, he has been spending so many days already just training, sleeping and frolicking around.
“ Nah, not right now. I have to check on the repair progress. “ Anthony muttered, turning to give her a kiss onto her forehead.
“ You can do me a favor though. You know the enclosure in the back of the ship ? “ He suggested, chuckling as it made her frown audibly.
“ Yeah, what of it ? “ She relented.
“ It has a lake bed, a small forest area and so forth. I would like to reactivate it. But I am not handy with plants.
Could you see if some of the Siren could help seeding some fruit tree’s and set up a meadow area ? I would really like to have a bit of green on the ship again, where we can just hang out and relax. “ He suggested.
“ Just relax ? “ Tilly teased.
“ Well, I guess It might be fun, fucking you against a tree, or in the lake. “ Anthony responded, watching with delight as she visibly shivered with excitement.
“ Why don’t you ask them ? “ She offered in return though, causing Anthony to look at her for a moment.
“ You know, I have plenty to do with you and Kira. “ Anthony countered, well aware what she was hinting at.
“ Hm. Your being to conservative. I think many of them are just waiting on you. “ Tilly teased.
“ And your not even getting jealous thinking about me having fun with one of them ? “ Anthony countered.
“ We don’t really get jealous, but, we do get sad if you forget about us. You know, some of our sisters, the Nah’Rahan, they spend hundreds of years without a mate. “ She uttered softly, which made Anthony raise an eyebrow at her, unsure if she was trying to push him to try the other girls, or if she was sharing a genuine opinion there.
“ You girls are terrible. “ He grunted.
“ Is that so bad ? “ She whispered, and then leaned to get up, playfully waving with her fingers as she made her way out of their, by now, shared quarters. Tail raised high, and bare as she had been for most of the time since her Mother had essentially handed her to him.
“ Yeah. “ He muttered under his breath, trying not to think to much of the view she had given him.
It had grown far to easy to just give in and have his way with her and Kira. And while, most of the time, he simply indulged, there where moments like right now, where morals imprinted on him questioned if he wasn’t overdoing it.
Well, physically, it sure was a chore at times. An exhausting, but oh so rewarding one. But perhaps Tilly was right ? That he was being to conservative ?
The others did show Tail on the few occasions that he crossed path with them, but the moral codex inspired in him was telling him that it was wrong.
How did Marianna say, there was no point applying his morals to them ? Well, if he recalled the description of Siren and Nah’Rahan, then he would probably even be doing a good thing, right ?
“ Yeah, not helping. “ He groaned, he was trying to struggle with moral complexity again, and he found it annoying.
Recalling his past guilty pleasure moments on Mars, he often did consider to take charge, forcefully so, against the others will. But it where moments of, self care, just to get it over with, and with the imaginary partner usually relishing in her demise.
And usually he felt guilty about it after the fact, even while aware that it was mere fantasy. Something one could not, should not, apply in reality. But it revealed a conflict there that he was only now growing aware off.
He wanted to have it his way, but he was also aware that it was not acceptable. But now, where it seemingly was even the right thing to do, as they where just waiting on him, he was still struggling with the sensation that it was wrong.
Was he really that undecided ? Or was he maybe just, insecure ?
“ Hope ? How is Kira doing with the transportation of the resources ? “ Anthony asked intending to not let his work rest.
But suddenly wondered if that wasn’t perhaps exactly what Thomas was getting at, back when Anthony started the AI migration. Was that what he was telling him ? That he was, evading what was in front of him ? Like, he was running away ?
“ She has delivered the first two loads of gold and some platinum. Androids on the surface have finished setting up a Solar powered charging station, and begun setting up a basic mining operation at the gold deposit. There are also various smaller deposits of Platinum, copper and iron there, though in negligible quantities. “ Hope reported.
“ Good, once we got the other Androids fixed, we will set up in other locations. Prepare a list of current resource requirements for essential repairs, and try prioritizing setting up operations in relevant locations.
Highest repair priority for Mining equipment and power-generation for Lyria, so we can assure to first secure resource procurement. “ Anthony ordered.
“ Ok. When will the next androids be ready ? “ Hope asked, since she could only apply the new programming once Anthony had repaired them, with Industrial fabrication on the Hope still largely dysfunctional, barely enough to refine the gold as is.
“ I will get on it in a moment. “ Anthony responded, while realizing again that his mind was quick to evade the subject at hand, trying to ignore the doubts in his mind about his own behavior.
Yes, he was evading it, wasn’t he ? But what was he evading ? What was the core of it ?
Was it a form of inadequacy ? Not being able to partake in social interactions because, it felt awkward, even wrong ? How he hated humans to a degree, since they made everything about themselves ? Jealousy, because he could not be part of it ?
“ When in doubt, start from the beginning. “ He mutters to himself, leaning to get onto his feet so he could get some pants on. Planning to get a new set of Androids ready for Hope to prepare for Lyria.
And while he did, he tried to retrace what made him feel so disturbed right now.
When was the first time he did feel like this ? Like, the world was wrong ? It was in his youth, wasn’t it ?
He never knew his parents, grew up in an orphanage on Mars. He was, socially awkward then, wasn't he ? Acted the class clown later on, just to be part of the group, didn't he ? But he never was. He was that awkward kid, the one you point at, make fun about and laugh at, right ?
“ Oh buh huh, so you didn’t get enough love, is that it ?! “ He grunted at himself, holding in his step, realizing he was so occupied with his thought, he already had made his way into the storage area.
But he could feel the anger inside him, and, what was that, Hatred ? For himself ? Or was it for the others ? And why ?
Indecisive, inexperienced, insecure, those where flaws he would now project onto his younger self. And now, had he really gotten better at it ? Or had he simply glossed it over with a new paint ?
Yeah, he really was no better then those he would look at with a sense of distaste, even blatant disgust. He was just acting too, trying to be better, more important then them, just in his own way.
And he could already feel his mind trying to explore excuses.
“ It isn’t your fault.”
“ Society is broken that way. “
“ Just grow a pair. “
“ They never gave you a chance. “
“ Your just too weak. “
“ Power corrupts. “
“ You should take charge yourself, show them. “
“ You will never equate to anything. “
He could feel it, so many words in his mind, speaking of reasons why it was as he perceived it, throwing blame both at himself and the world.
“ SILENCE ! “ Anthony finally shouted out, realizing he was breathing heavily, a mix of panic and rage, flooding his senses.
Then he saw himself reflected in the metal paneling of one of the charging stations, he could see, his eyes, they where black. Not just pupils, iris, sclera, the entire eyeballs were black. And just now, it was as if the black was receding, making way for his usual gaze.
“ What, the hell was that ?! “ He groaned, feeling his mind calming down again.
But then that elf came back to mind, those were his eyes, weren’t they ? Then, was that part of his ability ? What part exactly ? And what was the trigger ? What was this good for ?
No, more importantly, what was the reason for this, destructive rush of emotions he just experienced ? Driving him into such negativity ? Was that really what he thought of himself, and what he ignored on purpose ? Or, was that something else ?
One thing was for sure, there was, focus in it, and a sense of clarity. But was it something positive for him ? Was that what Thomas and Ludwig tried to warn him about ? That this ability may shape him, unless he learned to shape it ?
Suddenly his thoughts where interrupted, hearing how, down the hallway a woman had bend over, leaning into a maintenance shaft, and Anthony found himself staring at her ass. Her garment was tight, showing off more then it should. Crap, he could even make out that Venusian cleft, and it made him hungry.
It was then more, like on autopilot as he gotten behind her, hearing as she was trying to open something close to the exit of the shaft, with that ass pointing out, as though she was presenting it to him, just waiting for him to take it.
And the noise she made, with some powered tool, it was loud enough that she did not even realize how he was getting down behind her, to lower his pants. Only to yelp in surprise when he grabbed her by the hips, sinking fingers into her pants to ruthlessly yank them down.
“ H-hey ! What the heck do you think your doing ?! “ She squealed out in distress, and Anthony could hear the clanking in that small space as she dropped the tool. At first to try pull out of that crawlspace, only to realize the way was barred by his presence.
“ Let me-, “ She wanted to protest, but then his hands grabbed her hips while forcing her legs apart, leaving her unable to try and crawl into the shaft for an escape route.
“ No, Stop. I got a Mate ! “ She called out in distress, which was followed by a screamed” NO ! “As Anthony blatantly shoved himself into her drooling wet womanhood.
“ Stop ! No, stop it ! Stop, fucking me ! “ She shouted, and he could hear her hands flailing about, trying to pull away.
“ Yes. “ Anthony moans lowly under his breath, pushing deeper into her, claiming her with a painfully slow pace. Listening to her beg him to stop, and the hint of a moan in her voice.
“ Stop ! Please ! I, I cant. “ She yelped.
And Anthony only grabbed her hips more firmly, increasing his pace, and savor with delight how her struggle grew more desperate, how her moans where growing louder.
The mention of a mate, he didn’t seem to care this very moment. This was the sensation he imagined back then, to have his way, and no matter how much his victim would plead, she would love it. Oh and she was loving it so much.
He could hear it, how she tried to actually resist, her struggle near gone as his pace increased, how she was clenching her teeth there, trying to muffle her moaning, to resist her own body. But there was no sorrow.
He knew to well from that Padd, Nah’Rahan had no loyalty other then their hunger for pleasure. Siren where dutiful in their role as mate’s, they made it practice to remain with them, until either side broke off their arrangement.
But this was more primal, he was breaking it for her, by breaking her with the one thing her kind hungered for. And, he did not even know what drove him to this, but, this felt right, not that whining, and the excuses he kept throwing in his own way.
Soon, he could hear, even feel how she climaxed, a last grunt of defiance from her, only to moan out loudly and with utter abandon as he fell into a hard pounding, himself to moan loudly, thorn by the heavy breathing of this crude act.
And then he finished, pushing deep, nonchalantly to plant his seed inside her with a sensation of unadulterated bliss. His right hand roaming down along her hip while his body felt like growing tense for a moment, just to firmly grope her buttock.
“ Tell your friends. If they are here, just to be fucked, I want skirts, no panties. And I am not giving a fuck, if they put tails out to show consent. If you don’t want to be used, you better get off this ship. Understood ?! “ He groans, like he was in any position to make demands here.
“ Y-yes Sir. “ Came meekly from within the crawlspace, both pleased, and perhaps a little fearful.
“ Good, get back to work. “ He then groaned, pulling out of her, and rewarding her with a firm slap on her bare ass before he got up.
Then he just left her there, pants still down as she was waiting, perhaps scared to move, or just to process what just had happened to her. Just so he could get back to his intended work of fixing those androids.
A new intent in his mind as he finally understood that he was to hesitant, he needed to be more determined. And while he couldn’t tell just yet if he would regret his action when he came down from his current euphoria, part of him was sure determined not to let his old values hold him back anymore.