Heartworm

If I survived this Deathless attack, I would need to take the longest bath of my entire life. I would need to eat an entire bar of soap before my mouth felt clean. No, two bars of soap. I was still unable to gather my bearings, as I was dragged through the sewers. I didn’t think I had been grabbed more than a minute or two ago, but the Deathless moved so quickly that I was more focused on not drowning or inhaling any of the sewage than anything else. I waited for even the smallest glimmer of an opening and took it. When the Deathless stopped at a fork in the sewers, I slipped a dagger from the sheath around my leg and sunk it into the demon’s neck and twisted.

A wretched scream echoed through the sewers, a sound that brought a sick satisfaction to my lips. This monster would pay, not only for its horrid nature, but the world’s worst slip and slide adventure that I never signed up for. I was thrown from the beast and into the nearest curved wall of the sewer, blissfully dry compared to the vile stream of liquid in the center of the sewer. For the second time in a few minutes, I slammed into a wall with such force that only something inhuman could manage.

In a momentary lapse of our fight, the demon and I made eye contact. I could see the fury pulsing within those red orbs. They flicked to the dagger that had fallen out of my grasp next to me. The only remaining weapon I had. As if the same thought was transmitted through both of our minds at the same time, the two of us lunged for the dagger. With Urlial’s blessing swirling around my body like a monsoon of purple smoke, I reached the dagger before the Deathless did. I’m sure this beast had never fought a human quite so quick before. I’d relish the surprise as I ripped its heart from its chest like I had with the beast that tricked me for 9 long years. My feet landed softly along the outstretched left arm of the Deathless, the right arm of which was still in the process of regenerating before my eyes in the most gruesome way possible. These animals were beyond unnatural.

I sunk the small blade into the arm of the beast and dragged it through bone and muscle as I ran across its arm and leaped off towards the other side of the sewer. I watched with a cocky grin as the arm unfurled into a gory useless mess, leaving the beast with two limp, but regenerating limbs. I’d need to push my advantage before it regained two of its deadliest weapons. I caught the glimmer of confusion on the shadowed face of the monster, the face of a beast that was only now realizing that it had not picked a fight with a normal human. I used the shocked expression of the demon as a target as I lept towards it, fully intent on sinking the dagger between its eyes.

Even with my increased speed and agility, the Deathless was able to move enough for the blade to instead slip into the jagged flesh above it’s clavicle instead. It’s teeth had already latched into my left arm, like it was preparing- no- hoping that I would take the bait of attacking. I yanked down on the hilt of the blade to crush the clavicle with the weight of my right arm. It seemed to cause just enough pain to free my left arm, which gave me the opportunity to leap backwards off of the Deathless, back onto the opposite side of the sewer. To my utter confusion, the Deathless whirled around and began scratching across the stone construction of the sewer to get away from me. The coward was trying to escape.

I chased after the beast, the two of us desperately locked in an exhausting race through the underground of the city. With its arms still forming back into existence, it lacked the speed of running on all fours to get away from me. I could already tell that I was gaining distance on the beast, Urlial’s blessing allowing me to take the time I needed to properly judge each jump I made across the raging stream of excrement that flowed through the center of the sewer. Eventually, the beast seemed to think it could catch me off guard, as it stopped in place, to hurl a dislodged brick towards me. A valiant attempt, but one that Urlial’s blessing made all too easy to dodge. What I hadn’t expected when I sidestepped the brick fastball, was for it to collapse the wall behind me. I turned to look at the wall, quickly discovering why the curved semi circle of stone behind me had given way so easily. There was a room behind it. Not just a room, it almost looked like-

Y’know this one’s on me. I shouldn’t have let myself get distracted in the middle of the fight. The Deathless had once again put its entire body weight behind slamming into me, sending the two of us through the most collapsed wall of the sewer and into the odd structure behind the wall. What I was going to say before I was thrown through a wall, was that this looked to be a kind of decommissioned prison. The two of us landed inside of an old cell, old enough at least to have the two of us immediately covered in cobwebs. Yet another reason why I should probably just condemn my current clothes and burn them so that no microbiomes would start developing on them.

The two of us began to pick ourselves up from the floor. I managed to get up quicker, allowing me the perfect opportunity to plant my dagger right in- where’s my dagger? I had once again lost it in the tumble through the sewer wall, making me seriously consider wrapping the knife to my hand like a tourniquet to avoid losing it so many times in one fight. I began to search wildly for my weapon among the broken bricks and thick dust that coated every surface down here. In the hysteria, I finally spotted the glint of metal out of the corner of my eye. Thank the Gods. I started scrambling towards the blade before I felt an immense weight slam down on me from behind.

I saw a clawed hand slam down on the ground next to my head. The other claw must have been the sharp weight that pinned me to the ground. I was trapped. I was going to die.

Was this what my mother felt? Trapped beneath the weight of a Deathless, the solution to her predicament just outside of her reach. I could have helped her. I didn’t. I deserved this.

I felt my eyes blur with oncoming tears, whether they were tears of regret or anger, I wasn’t sure. I needed to get my revenge. I needed to cleanse this world of these animals, but I was going to die in some fucking old prison. My body would sooner be eaten than discovered by anyone from Thrieve. Not that anyone would know who I was if I was discovered. Cecelia was a girl known only by a slaughtered village and a pseudo-father that I had put down by my own hands. I suppose it only made sense that such a wrathful being was put down by another. I felt the hot breath of the Deathless on the back of my neck as its mouth got closer. The last thought that crossed my mind was that I hoped I at least tasted rancid from all of the sewage.

“CONSIDER THIS YOUR PAROLE FROM LIFE, YOU MANGY MUTT!”

The shrill voice of Phern hit my ears. After an odd sound of magical release, followed by an intense sizzling, the weight from my back was released. I scrambled onto my back to see that the Deathless had been coated with a slimy sort of turquoise goo. It melted through the skin of the monster with sickening efficiency, skin melting away like the Deathless had been slow roasted for 16 hours straight. I wouldn’t let this chance slip through my fingers.

I let Urlial’s blessing coat my right arm, turning it into the same incorporeal ghostly purple as I thrust it into the chest of the monster. I could feel the pulsating heart of the animal, it writhed and squirmed in fear of its imminent death. I let a wide smile stretched across my face as I crushed the slippery defenseless organ’s physical form, and let Urlial’s blessing do the rest of the work to unravel the core of the monster from regenerating anymore.

I felt myself collapse back onto the dusty floor of the cell. I could see Phern standing in the opening where I had been slammed through earlier with a wide grin across her face.

“Didja like the catchphrase? I thought it was kind of cool. It was like ‘ah, get off of my sister you monster’ but I also added a little bit of ‘parole from life’ because you guys fell into a prison so it was almost like a pun if you think about it. Was it funny? Didja like it?”

“Sister?” Was the only response that came to mind.

* * * * *

The old prison was a memory I had not revisited for some time. It held a lot of emotions with it, the fear of dying before I had even begun as a Life Hunter, the realization that if I had died I would have simply vanished from existence, as well as the first time that Phern had ever called me her sister. A very charged memory, but one that still brought a smile to my lips. I’d be able to mock Phern endlessly about returning the favor if I managed to save her from there. That meant that I needed to actually save her. Time to get moving towards that buried prison.

“Very well, show me this prison.”

“A-are you sure, sir? I was just informed that the Council of Varenthell is nearly here, and Markus told me to allow no visitors until they arrived.”

“Nearly?” I was fortunate that Lucas had asked the very question that was first and foremost in my mind.

“A letter came in this morning that they arrived in Scarish at 8:00am this morning.”

Scarish? If they were traveling that fast, they would most likely reached the city of Thrieve by-

“They’ll be here in an hour or two? You didn’t think to tell me that before?!” Lucas roared at the guard. I didn’t envy this poor guard, being scolded by a Marked must have been the most terrifying experience of his entire life. I could vaguely hear the armor of the guard shaking slightly as he panicked.

“I-I’m sor-”

“I don’t give a shit what you are. Take me to this prison now. If you question me one more time I will make sure you’re marked an enemy of the Empire.”

I rolled my eyes. The higher one made it in the Empire, the more full of themselves they seemed to be. I was fortunate to have overheard the last portion of the conversation, however. The news that the Council was ahead of schedule was just about as bad of news as I could get. I needed to get to the prison, now. If I got there quick enough, I might just be able to beat Lucas there.

* * * * *

“-and then that’s when I showed up! I charged up my magic and said CONSIDER THIS YOUR PAROLE FROM LIFE, YOU MANGY MUTT! Then I blasted his ass! Cecelia managed to rip the sucker’s heart out and everybody clapped for me!”

“...who clapped?” I doubted a near-death Cecelia would have clapped, so unless the Deathless came back to life to give her a round of applause, it sounded like Phern was a little over indulgent in her story.

“Don’t think about it much. The point is that I saved Cecelia!”

“In this very cell?”

“No, silly! This is inside the old prison, but this isn’t the exact cell. The one that we broke through was at the end of a hallway, we seem to be in the center of a hallway. Still kind of strange to be back here though.”

I smiled at Phern as she finished up the story that she had been telling me. I had to admit, when I was told in the past that the story of them meeting up was a ‘wild one’, I had not expected it to contain quite so many robberies, Deathless, and near death sewer escapades. I had to admit, however, that the story had certainly lifted my spirits. Perhaps it was the idea that if Cecelia and Phern regularly dodged death before, that maybe we weren’t as fucked as I thought?

‘Not to rain on your parade, little morsel, but a singular encounter with a Deathless is very different than members of the Council descending on you to exterminate what they believe to be the greatest threat to the Empire.’

Hey, a girl can hope, no?

‘Oh. That’s new.’

Her reaction made me realize what I had said. Had I really just called myself a girl? Perhaps it was muscle memory from when I would hang out as Ester with Vyra. I had said that phrase a number of times with her years ago. Nonetheless, it brought a smile to my face for a moment. It did feel nice to say it.

“You’re still on for the plan, right Bandit?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Not super excited about it, but if it’s the only way out then… y’know.” We had agreed earlier in the day that in order to get more of the intense fury ingredient, I would need to goad Markus into attacking me once more. If I could manage to get him to swing a couple times, I could try to dislodge more of the scrap metal he had hammered into his baton. The plan wasn’t ideal, obviously. I would need to become an eager recipient of another round of torture, something which I had discussed with Lilith to help me with. Once I had taunted Markus enough, we would switch control, so that she could bear the brunt of the pain. It’d be easier that way, at least.

“Just let me know if you want to switch! I can always give being tortured a shot!” She said that in far too cheerful a tone. I visibly drew back at the idea of Phern trading places with me in order to get more of our final ingredient. “Absolutely not, Phern. I’m serious.” I spoke sternly, I didn’t want to even risk her having the temptation.

“Yeah yeah, okay. I’m just trying to be helpful. It’s awful having to sit there and watch him- y’know.” I gave a sympathetic look to Phern. I’m sure it wasn’t easy watching me get tenderized by Markus’ baton. But if we made it out of here, I’d be back to normal in no time. Phern’s injuries were not nearly as transient. “But I know you can do it! You’re the toughest guy I know, Bandit!” Phern’s words felt like a knee to the gut.

‘Toughest guy I know’ felt wrong beyond belief. When I was stuck back in isolation after Vyra’s death, I cried at least once per day about being a guy. That didn’t feel like I was very tough, nor did it feel like I was very guy. Yet that was still how I was perceived. The uncomfortable thought crept up inside of my mind like a root through a cobble street. I might die in the next 24 hours. Not just a temporary ‘gimme a moment while I regrow my heart’ kind of die either. A final. Permanent. Death. I might be executed by the Council in front of Phern while she thought of me as a ‘tough guy’. Being remembered that way hurt more than the idea of dying.

“Hey Phern. I gotta tell you something.”

“Ooo! What is it? Is it a joke? Oh my gosh didja think of a better catchphrase than I did for the prison Deathless? Gah I knew I could’ve done better!” She let out a resigned sigh, like she was being pushed off towards the end of a plank to be dropped into the swirling depths beneath. “Hit me with it, bandit. I wanna know what joke is beating me out of the top spot.”

“I’m not a tough guy.”

“Huh? Last night you had more of your insides on your outside than you had outsides on the outside! What do you mean you’re not a-”

“I’m not a tough guy! I’m not a- I’m not a guy.”

Phern cocked her head to the side as she looked at me. I could almost see the little Phern in her brain running around frantically pulling levers in her mind to solve the puzzle before her. It resulted in a simple “huh?”

“That’s what I was telling Cecelia about at the estate. I don’t like being Xavier. He’s the man that I was always supposed to and never wanted to be. He’s like a fucking scab! I pick away at him every day hoping to be rid of the expectations, but by the next morning he’s back and harder than ever to get rid of.” It looked like Phern wanted to move towards me, but something held her back. “I don’t want to be Xavier! Why didn’t anyone ever fucking ask me who I wanted to be!” I noticed what seemed to be holding Phern back from moving. She looked scared. Of me. “Is that so wrong?! To just want to be able to choose who I am?! I was molded into being as something other than me and told it was a done deal!” I started to realize why Phern was scared. I could see my hands out of the corner of my eyes. They were coated in shadows and extended into razor sharp weapons. The more I looked into her eyes, the more I could see the reflection of myself in her glossy eyes. In my panicked frustration, I had completely transformed. “I just want to change! I just want to be Ester for fuck’s sake! I JUST WANT TO BE ME!” The tears that streamed down my cheeks hurt my face. No, it wasn’t the tears. It felt like my whole body was in burning pain. In choked tears, I whispered, “I just want to be Ester.”

I could feel my body give way, like every string that allowed me to move had been mercilessly snipped. I remained conscious, but in a body that felt all but numb, like everything below my neck was a foreign object attached to me. I had transformed. That didn’t make any sense. I was wearing magical restraints, which should have prevented me from being able to fully transform.

‘You are as puzzled as I am, little morsel. By all means you should be restricted from such actions. To be able to overpower the magical restraints you wear… Could it be from the presence of two Deathless inside of one body?’

Whatever had allowed me to do it didn’t last for very long. I was currently paying the price for such actions, feeling like I had just had every last minutia of energy within me sucked out of me to the point where moving my body was exhausting. I lifted my head up to look at Phern. No- I wasn’t moving my head. It seemed that Phern had lifted my head up with her gentle hands to look me in the eyes. Was she… crying?

“I’m sorry, Bandit. I-I didn’t know it was so bad! I didn’t meant to hurt you when I said that I didn’t-”

“Shut it, stump." I flashed her a weak smile and tried to move my sluggish arms to shush her mouth. It didn't quite work as well as I'd hoped. "You didn’t know. I-” I took a moment to breathe, hoping to coax the tears and the tightening in my throat to leave me be. “I never told you.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I told you I’m not tough, Phern. I was scared.” My words were whispers, but with how close Phern was, every word was understood. “I don’t want to be a guy anymore. But the closer I get to Ester, the more I-”

“Do you have any urges to wear clothing of the opposite sex?”

“Man up, son. Stop crying like a girl. Get up.”

“Oh my Gods! Xavier’s a prissy little pansy!”

“What do you mean? You’ve always liked this suit.”

Deep breaths. As dirt on earth I root my heart.

“The closer I get, the more it hurts. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and it’s held just above what I can reach.”

Phern moved in towards me and wrapped her warm body around me. It felt like permission to let go. So I did. It must have been minutes of crying before I had mustered enough courage to speak again.

“I’m sorry. I don’t even think I’m making any sense. I just… I didn’t want you to think of me as a guy if I died here.”

“You’re not gonna die, silly!” She gave me a tight squeeze, a nice sentiment, though with the state of my body I hurt more than I was willing to admit. “But if you do die! I’ll think of you as a super cool girl demon!” I responded with a squeeze of my own, something made difficult with my bound hands, meaning it was more my chin applying more pressure onto her shoulder. Hopefully that gave the impression that I wanted.

“I-I mean that works for now. I was still working out everything with my name and… what people should refer to me as. I didn’t really get a chance to finish those thoughts before Laia showed up.”

“Then of course we’re gonna get you out of here! We gotta celebrate your new birth!” I smiled. I don’t think I needed it to be a kind of new birth, but the sentiment was incredibly kind. It was odd to have someone excited for the kind of change that usually made people scared or confused. I suppose there wasn’t much that could confuse someone like Phern.

Clank… Clank… CLANK…

Markus. Time to see what this, in Phern’s words, ‘super cool girl demon’ could do.

‘Not much, little morsel. Remember that I will be taking the majority of the pain.’

Come on, Lilith. Let me have this.

‘Whatever. Go be a super cool girl demon. See if I care.’