Heartworm

Disagreements with someone inside of your head can be very frustrating. For example, when the urge to slap the other across the face to shut them up rises inside of you, there’s nothing you can do to get that satisfaction. Lilith would not stop scolding me in the back of my mind, telling me everything that I had done wrong to end up in our current situation. It was infuriating to say the least, and I wanted nothing more than to find a mental muzzle to stop her from badgering me.

As painful as a pounding voice in the back of my head was, it was nowhere near as painful as the golden ropes that latched themselves around my entire body. The holy magic that the ropes were conjured from seared their way into my skin with a white hot sensation that had nearly caused me to pass out. I supposed I had my adrenaline to thank for that.

“PHERN! BANDIT!” I heard Cecelia’s desperate voice penetrating through the sound of sizzling flesh all around me. I couldn’t see any of what was happening, forcing me to try to piece together the events through what I was hearing.

“Come any closer and I’ll dice these two into cubes. They’ll be reuniting with an old friend in just a moment, just give it a moment.”

An old friend?

‘We are so fucked because you can’t take a single second to think!’

I wasn’t going to let Phern die.

‘This is real life, little morsel. Not one of the heroic stories you read in your ivory tower.’

I felt my body start to sink into the earth. A panic rose in my chest as my face and limbs descended into the very ground I was pinned to. The last thing I heard before my ear became covered by the strange sensation working it’s way up my body was Cecelia’s gut wrenching scream. The sound was so raw that it set my hair on end before I was completely consumed by whatever spell Laia had set for me.

*****

Falling. It felt as though I was falling at terminal velocity through nothing. Or everything? Around me I was surrounded by the most overwhelming exposure to magic I had ever felt in my life, every color I had ever seen and even some I’d never seen before swirled in a miasma of motion. I felt as though a single minute in this environment would cause me to black out from overwhelming scents and sights. Luckily, the entire experience only seemed to last a few seconds before I found myself in a much more ‘normal’ space. I made sure to wrap as much of my shadow-wreathed body around the bleeding form of Phern. I could take the fall, I wasn’t sure if she could.

With a firm crack from my back and head hitting stone, I realized we were back in reality. My body felt as though it had been pushed through a clothes wringer, packed into a glass jar of shrapnel, and then thrown down a rocky mountain. Why stop there? It felt like there was a pit of spikes at the bottom, complete with an alchemical acid concoction coating each of the spikes.

‘You really describe pain like a scholar, don’t you?’

I had no choice but to release my tight grip on Phern upon impact. At first, I assumed I had stopped focusing on protecting her, but upon trying to move my arms I realized it must have been because I had lost function to move my arms. At least I had my- nevermind I can’t feel my legs either.

“Well I’ll be damned. The blind lady did it.”

That voice. I knew that voice. I wanted to move my head to the side to see who was speaking, but even my neck wouldn’t respond to my commands. Gods I was cold. Had I been dropped into a fucking freezer?

“It’s nice to see you again, Miss Illona. Or whatever human skin you’ve decided to put on today.”

Markus walked into view, standing above me with a disgusting smile that I wished I would never have to see again in my life. It brought me immense satisfaction to see an eyepatch covering the empty socket on the left side of his face. I wanted the other eye. I wanted so desperately to reach out and pluck it out with my claws. I couldn’t move anything, my entire body feeling simultaneously numb and cold, though I wasn’t sure how I could be feeling both of those things at the same time.

“Sir, what do we do about her?” I heard another voice in the room. Was it a guard? Were we back in Multon? The architecture of the room didn’t look like Multon from what I could see. I heard a brief scream, and a growl from what I knew to be Phern. The sound that reached my ears seemed like the dying scream of the man who had just spoke.

“Subdue the tree hugger, I’ll need her as bait for Sicaria. Get this dead body strung up in as many restraints as we have.”

I heard Markus speak over top of the sound of desperate gurgling. He seemed to make no attempt to save whatever guard Phern had just attacked. I heard others moving in towards Phern as my hearing muffled, like someone was dragging me away from the rustling in the room.

Dead body, Markus said. Was that me? Was I dead? I didn’t think so, but it was hard to ignore the increasing distance between my consciousness and my own body. Everything was so cold. I could still regenerate, then Markus would be mine. I could still…

I just had to…

I just…

*****

“WHAT DID YOU DO?” I roared at the Marked woman that stood confidently over a glowing circle that had just taken Phern and Bandit from me. I held my Dahlia’s in my hands so tightly that I could feel the metal edges cutting into my skin.

“I sent them on the express line to Thrieve, that’s all.”

Thrieve? It was the closest city to the estate aside from Multon, but it was still easily a three day journey from here. I was under the assumption that any sort of teleportation spell was incredibly taxing. That is, if you could even cast it in the first place. It was incredibly rare to find someone capable of such magic. Figures that if anyone could, it would be a Marked.

“Why?!” I had readed my weapons to be able to strike at a moment’s notice. I wanted to just attack now, without exchanging even the smallest of words. I knew if Ffenton was here, he would reprimand me for not remaining calm and first trying to first figure out how to be proactive first. If I could get even the smallest bit of information about her plan, it would be better than nothing.

“To meet up with Markus, of course. He was quite eager to help the Empire dispose of you.”

“Going to be awfully hard to kill a Deathless.”

“Of course you would know that. No, we’ve got our own methods coming from the capital. Not all of us can dispatch them like you. Speaking of which, how do you kill Deathless so easily?”

“Tenacity.” I spat. I wasn’t going to give them any information about my blessing. I wouldn’t put it past the Empire to get someone to make a suicidal deal with a God to allow them to kill Deathless easily.

“Fine. Don’t share. The animal will be put down soon enough.”

“As will you.” In one swift movement, I unlatched my left Dahlia into a light throwing knife and threw it towards Laia. She must have expected me to do something of the sort as she coated a palm in golden light to press into the knife, sending it flying up and into the gate above her. Without a second to even say goodbye to her gracious guests, she turned and began to run at an incredible speed.

I began to chase, running to the gateway to retrieve my knife before Lucas’ voice riled from behind me.

“I wouldn’t try it, Cecelia.”

I turned to glare at the man with burning hatred. I knew she was out of mana. Even with the vast stores of a Marked, there is no way that someone could manage that many duplicates followed by a teleportation spell and not be empty. Her fleeing instead of finishing us off told me everything I needed to know.

“You won’t catch her, Cecelia.”

Memories of our fight in the woods came to mind. Lucas had made distance on me rapidly then, as well as in our fight outside of the church. If that was the speed I was up against, I wouldn’t be able to catch up. Not unless…

If I used his blessing. I might be able to-

“If you want to get to your friends in time, there’s only one way.”

I looked to the blind man, my fists were clenched so tightly that they looked snow white.

“Spit it out.”

“Without these restraints, I can teleport us to Thrieve. We’d still have to look for them of course, but you’ll never find them in time if you walk all the way to Thrieve.”

“If you think I’m letting you out of those cuffs right now, you’re about as brainless as your sister was about to make you.”

I had walked back towards Lucas and Sebil. As much as I hated to admit it, there was no way I could possibly catch up to the Marked woman. Without the blessing, that is. It would be pointless to do such a risky maneuver when I wouldn’t even be closer to saving Phern and Bandit if I succeeded.

“You are capable of teleportation, love?”

“It would use all of my mana, but yes. I might not have been as magically inclined as Laia, but I’m more than capable of managing such a spell.”

“If you don’t immediately use that mana to finish off two weakened captors.”

“I- Look I understand the hesitation! I’m not foolish, Cecelia, I know how little you must all trust me. But unless you weren’t paying attention, my sister is convinced that I’ve been corrupted by that beast! I would not be trusted if I escaped the two of you. Not until the animal is dead.”

“Calling Xavier an animal is not conducive towards us letting you free, love.”

“I just need you to understand that it only makes sense for me to help you for the time being. You aren’t in much of a position to bargain. You either let me teleport the lot of us, or you spend three days running to Thrieve while your friend and the beast die.”

The rage burned inside of me. I knew why it felt so strong. Fear stoked the fire in my chest, pushing the embers into an inferno with its tampering. I couldn’t lose the two of them. Phern was the only friend I’ve known since I was a child. She was the younger sister that I never had. I couldn’t live knowing I had let her die due to my stubbornness. Bandit, well, that was something else. Did I care about her? Absolutely. Much to the confusion of a body and brain that had spent a lifetime killing her kind. Did I love her? Well… that didn’t matter if she didn’t want it.

When she had said that she wanted to be a ‘team’, I couldn’t tell what she meant. Was that way of turning me down? But the fucking button-nosed bitch had kissed me in the dojo! She comforted me in the temple in a way that made me think we were becoming something. Did she say ‘team’ to mean partners? Was it just an awkward way of saying it? That fucking bandit was so confusing! I don’t even know if she wants me to think of her as, well, her! What was I even supposed to use for her- er, them? There were too many questions that needed answers. If that button-nosed bookworm died before I got the answers I would find a way to drag her out of the afterlife and slap the shit out of her.

I needed to find them. More than anything else.

“FUCK! I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

I moved to Lucas and motioned my hand to have him raise the magical restraints.

*****

“Mr. Sylberith? Are you listening?”

“I’m listening.”

I wasn’t. I wanted to be anywhere from here. I wanted to be anyone but me.

“Good. Then let’s get started. You knew the greater demon, human alias Vyra Thursal, is that correct?”

I was in a small room. It had very few features. There was a table, two chairs, one at either end, and a small window on one of the walls. The window was high enough that it was hard to see out of it, but I appreciated the natural light. The sun beams hit the table between me and the man across from me, giving a veil in which I could somewhat hide behind.

“Yes. That’s correct.”

“When did you first meet?”

“First year at the academy. I was 18.”

“It was her first year at the academy as well, yes?”

I wasn’t sure why he was asking the question. He knew the answer, I knew the answer. It felt like a lot of this conversation was going to be the man asking me questions that we both knew the answer to, just in case I would slip up any of the details.

“Yes.”

“I apologize for the topic that we’re now entering. I understand it might be difficult for you to discuss, but you must understand that it is of the utmost importance that we discuss this here and now. No delay, for the safety of yourself and those here at the academy. Were you, at any point, the demon’s familiar?”

I knew it was coming. It didn’t make the answer any easier to stomach. I knew what I had to say. Vyra made it incredibly obvious before she died, and I would feel like I was spitting on her grave to not utilize what she had given me.

“Yes.”

Each answer came with the same response. An idle ‘hmm’, not out of questioning, but out of affirmation. Then the man would write a few words onto the parchment that he had before him.

“Were you coerced into this? If so, how was your hand forced?”

I wanted to cry. I didn’t want to desecrate the memory of my friend by leaning into this lie. But I knew what came if I didn’t. Aiding and abetting a demon was treasonous, especially in the case of two murders.

“I was coerced. It was through… threats.”

“I understand.”

“When did you become enthralled as the demon’s familiar? I’ve reports that you were seen regularly heading to her dorm room for some time.”

If I was running with the lie that I was her familiar, enthralled into loyalty and subservience, it would be best to claim it was for most of the time we were friends.

“A few months into our first years.”

“Fascinating. You were forced into subservience to the demon nearly three years ago? I apologize Mr. Sylberith, I do wish a student, teacher, or otherwise had discovered what happened to you earlier.”

“Uh, thanks.”

My hands were shaking. I couldn’t bear the way that I had to hear my friend-no- my girlfriend discuss. Every answer I gave them damned her more in the grave, and added weight into my heart that I worried I would never get free.

“Unfortunately, the longer someone is a familiar to a demon, the harder it is to rid the loyalties that formed in the bond.”

“W-what does that mean?”

“Do you have any positive feelings towards the demon known as Vyra Thrusal?”

My throat tightened. My eyes held back tears as a torrential wave of guilt washed through me. I can’t do this. I don’t want to be here. I want to go home. I want Vyra.

“...I don’t know.”

“Then it is as we feared. I’m afraid you will have to stay in an isolated unit of the academy until we can be certain that you are no longer suffering any long lasting effects of the demon’s influence.”

Isolation?

“What? I-I can’t go home? I-I don’t want to be here.”

“I’m sorry, Xavier. Demon’s are conniving creatures. There have been cases when a demon’s familiar carries out the demon’s will long after their master’s death. It’s for your own good.”

“H-How long…?”

“It’s hard to say, Xavier. In your case, with nearly three years of being influenced by your mistress…” He paused, seemingly trying to come up with an estimate in his head. Was he actually determining a time frame? Was he just making something up? “It could take anywhere from 6 to 18 months, in cases such as yours. If you show exceptional progress, you might be out sooner.”

Exceptional progress? Why did it sound like I was a prisoner being given a sentence? I didn’t do anything! Neither did Vyra…

“I could be stuck in isolation for upwards of a year and a half?!”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Sylberith. Cases involving greater demons are tricky. It’s for your own good. You understand. I will be managing your recovery and your case. I’ll see you first thing in the morning tomorrow. Cheers, Mr. Sylberith.” He cordially said goodbye, dismissing the parchment into the air as it fizzled into a blue mist. A common book-managing spell that I recognized. Before I knew it, the door had closed and the man had left.

“Oh, goodbye...”

I murmured to myself, the man had long since left earshot. I sat stunned at where I had found myself. I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t go to my room. This was my life now. How could this be for my own good?!

The first month went by slowly. It was a monotonous routine that left me crying after each of my meals. I had long since been moved into my own ‘room’. The first night I spent I ended up falling asleep in one of the chairs in the room. Now I had been upgraded to a small room that seemed suspiciously like a re-designed prison cell. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was, and they had just thrown a small wooden shelf with 12 books into the room to make it seem different. I had a small window at the top of the back wall, a bed that was ever so slightly too small for me, forcing me to curl my legs each night, and the aforementioned bookshelf. Next to the bed was a small bedside table with a lamp. In the corner of the room sat a toilet that thankfully had full plumbing. Each day felt the same. Each day was the same. I was served three meals only after I had a checkup with my ‘recovery manager’, the man from the first day. Dr. Theorin Rectin. He was a tall man with black hair that was always tied behind his head in a neat bun. He had large circular glasses, with grey eyes that felt like they covered deeper intentions in the fog of grey. When the check up was done, I was allowed back into my room for my meal. The wording that Dr. Rectin always chose did its best to imply that I was a patient. Someone sick that needed to be treated until they were better. It went against everything else that implied I was a prisoner, someone guilty and dangerous that needed to be contained. It was an uncomfortable dichotomy.

“Mr. Sylberith? Are you listening?”

“Yes.”

I wasn’t.

“Then let’s go over our questions.” Every day the questions bled together. They were almost the exact same, with the occasional inclusion of a new question, something that felt like a special occasion with how repetitive everything else had grown.

“What are your feelings towards the deceased demon known as Vyra Thrusal.”

“ I feel hatred.”

“How do you feel about demons?”

“I feel disgusted.”

“Do you have any violent urges to harm any human?”

“No.”

“Do you pledge your allegiance to the Empire of Kistram?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have any urges to wear clothing of the opposite sex?”

“What?”

That question was new. It hit me like a gourlash charge to the chest.

“I was informed that while you were under the influence of the demon you were forced to enact her perverse commands to wear her clothing. We believe it was a humiliation tactic to ensure your loyalty to her.”

“R-right.”

“Knowing if those urges remain is essential to learning if you have any remaining influence from the demon inside of you. Even if they are subconscious desires, the influence can lie in strange places.”

“O-oh. Okay.”

“So? Any urges to wear clothing of the opposite sex?”

I couldn’t stop the tears from cascading down my cheeks. I had found a point to focus on in the room, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pull myself from staring at the bird’s eye of the wood grain on the table. The rest of the questions were hard enough for me to answer, but I had at least grown cold to the responses I had to give over the course of weeks. This felt like another anchor had tied around my heart to hold Ester beneath the surface forever.

“That looks like an answer to me, Xavier. Not to worry, we’ll make sure to track those urges to learn when they have left you.”

I felt empty. Like the last little bit of my resolve was being carved out of me with a spoon. I couldn’t form an answer to Dr. Rectin, instead I just let tears drip down my face from my still body. Eventually he had gotten up to leave. I think I remember him saying I could return to my room when I was ready, but I wasn’t sure. I just remembered crying in the solitary room for nearly an hour before I limply walked back to my room like a husk that was pulled lazily by a rope.

When I made it back to my room, I laid down onto my bed, hearing the soft click of my door being locked. I had soaked my pillow with tears, until I fell asleep through pure exhaustion.

It was for my own good.