Gaming Badly in DxD

-Zatren Fumigami-

[You have managed to beat the ‘’Immortal’’ Phenex in a one-on-one duel and won your first Rating Game without a single retired ally!]

[For such an achievement, three Gacha Tokens have been granted!]

[For breaking through your limit via creating a technique this world has not seen yet, two Gacha Tokens have been granted!]

[You have breached into what is popularly called ‘’High-Class’’ (It’s a surprise you’re still alive!). Two Gacha Tokens have been granted!]

[Calculation Magic has Leveled Up by 7!]

[Thought Acceleration has Leveled Up by 5!]

[Hydrokinesis has Leveled Up by-]

I got it, I got it! Michael above, could you stop covering my entire face with screens each time shit like this happens?’ I groaned internally, because these damn notifications were not helping with the headache bouncing around in my skull.

…

[Due to your sheer effort (and because you’re a massive weeb), a new Skill was created!]

[Domain Expansion] Lv 1(0%)

The ability to alter space itself by imbuing what it’s known as your ‘Inner Domain’ directly on the outside of your body and into a barrier. For centuries, sorcerers far above your skill and time had called this ‘The Pinnacle of Sorcery’.

Once your Domain has successfully expanded, all of your Stats go up.

Thank you. Also, fucking rude, but okay.

Not like I’ll say no to free pulls either…

‘’Come on, Koneko… I’m not that injured.’’ I chuckled, mostly at the situation, but also in embarrassment.

After the Rating game was concluded, all remaining participants were teleported out of the arena and made to appear directly in the infirmary. With some exceptions here and there.

For example, Rias, while tired, wanted to go directly to speak to her parents.

By the determined, if angry, expression on her face, I felt like this was going to escalate quite a bit. I didn’t remember much about her family, but considering how Lord and Lady Gremory advanced the date for the Rating Game a whole month before the event should have taken place… yeah.

Back to the topic, my reason for complaining comes from the fact that we didn’t get automatically teleported. Something about the medical staff not being prepared to attend to so many people all at once. ‘I blame these guys! I wasn’t the one to wipe half of Riser’s peerage in a few seconds!’ So, we had to walk there.

Not a problem… if it wasn’t for my body screaming bloody murder each time I put some weight on my legs.

[Congratulations! You have managed to strain your Magic Circles to hell and beyond (Say hi to Satan!). As such, recovery would be needed, lest you risk permanent damage.]

[For having a breakthrough, followed right after straining your mana to the fullest. Your MAG has greatly increased.]

‘Yeah, yeah. Sass me some more, why don’t you?’ I grumbled internally.

And, since I couldn’t really take myself to the infirmary… Koneko was carrying me in her arms. While the rest of the peerage (sans Rias), including Rei, were giving teasing looks or trying to hold in their laughter.

‘’You are.’’ Koneko sighed, her arms tightening around my form. ‘’You pushed yourself too far again. Idiot-senpai. I would have smacked you across the head, but you’ll probably keel over if I did.’’

I would not!

…Probably.

‘’Fine… thanks.’’ I sighed in resignation, getting a nod and an upturn of the lips from the white-haired catgirl. Yet, I heard a chuckle, and turned my head to the blonde Knight. ‘’The fuck you’re laughing at?’’

Kiba chuckled again. His shoulders were shaking slightly. And he wasn’t the only one. Both Asia and Akeno were covering their mouths to hide their smiles, while Sachi was biting her cheek as she walked.

‘’I can… pff… carry you if you would prefer, Zatren-kun.’’ Kiba managed to say without exploding in laughter.

Sachi did not manage to stay silent.

‘’Hell no!’’ I pointed a finger at him, even as another round of chuckles (and Sachi’s wheezing) filled the hallway. ‘’Stay away from me, you Kirito expy!’’

At that, the blonde tilted his head in confusion, still with an amused grin on his face. ‘’I’m blonde, though?’’

‘’Aha! But that means you’ve watched SAO!’’ I rebutted. To which the blonde sputtered.

I reveled in the small victory that was exposing my friends for what they were. Filthy weebs, all of them (us)! ‘’You cannot hide these things from me, Rias is our King, and I shall use it for blackmail, you hear me?!’’

More laughter filled the hallway, making me grumble and press my head against Koneko’s shoulder. ‘Whatever, I have a cat girl pampering me and carrying me in her arms. Who really won? Dickheads…’ Yet, I couldn’t keep down my own chuckles.

-X-x-X-

Thankfully, I didn’t have to change into patient robes or anything like that. Being carried there was embarrassing enough; having to be butt-naked would have been unpleasant.

I just sat on the bed while the nurse, who was actually a devil working under the Sitri Family, checked my body for lingering wounds. In the end, I had little more than… a lot of torn muscles, some hairline fractures on my arms, a few second-degree burns to go with the fractures, and…

Well, let’s say that making your brain overclock with any sort of magic while actively fighting was not good for one’s health. I did not need surgery or anything of the like, but I should actually expect my nose or eyes to bleed. At least until I’m back to full health, either by being able to heal myself again or when Asia recovers well enough to use her Sacred Gear.

‘’Even after you recover, I would recommend taking a few days off, Zatren-sama. Maybe even a check-up to detect if there’s any lingering side-effects.’’ The nurse explained in a neutral tone, but by the slight twitch of her eyebrow and fingers, I felt that she wanted to say a lot more. Hey, if anything, that spoke wonders of her care as a nurse. Props to her. ‘’If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to press the button at the side of your bed.’’

As the nurse bowed, with her hands placed in front of her legs, I gave a two-finger salute. ‘’Sure, thanks for your service~!’’ I chuckled. She didn’t answer and proceeded to give another bow to the remaining person in the private room.

Neat, that you could enjoy some privacy and not have to room up with another patient. Imagine how awkward it would be if I were put next to Riser?

‘Hm, actually, that would have been fucking hilarious—’ I turn to Koneko, the only other person in the room as she sat on my bed. ‘’Sup.’’

She just stared at me. Deep golden eyes connected with mine. I could not discern the emotions behind them, and her body language didn’t give anything away. Well, that is, until she opened her mouth.

‘’You have actual brain damage.’’ If her tone was any more dead, she would count as a target for my Undead Slayer title.

‘’Well, that’s a bit harsh—‘’

‘’No, you fucking idiot.’’ She hissed with a frown, pointing at the medical records that the nurse had been explaining to us for the past half an hour. ‘’You literally damaged your brain.’’

‘’Ah, that.’’ I clicked my fingers and gave a nod. Apparently, admitting to the fact only seemed to make her angrier. So, I just shrugged and offered a placating smile. ‘’If it makes you feel any better. I don’t feel particularly different.’’

Koneko took a deep sigh, and her palm smacked her forehead so hard that the meaty slap could have torn through the bedframe. ‘’Of course you don’t… I fell for an idiot. A reckless idiot…’’

Before I could fire back a retort, someone knocked on the door a few times. I looked myself over to see if I was decent… only to remember I didn’t even change clothes.

Alright, so maybe cooking my own brain was not the best idea.

‘’Come on in!’’ Yet, I couldn’t really expect the people who had entered the room.

‘’Za-kun! You walking piece of copyright infringement!’’ I got instantly defamed by none other than Serafall Leviathan, dressed in a pink, magical girl outfit while she pointed to me with her heart-shaped staff.

‘’Zatren-san. Good to see you… Well, probably not in good health, but well enough nonetheless.’’ Just after was Ayuka Beelzebub. My ‘teacher’ looked tired yet pleased. Without waiting for an answer, she zeroed in on the records lying on a counter near my bed.

‘’Excuse me,’’ The last voice said. I didn’t recognize it, but I did recognize when a scarlet-haired, blue-eyed Devil with a friendly expression and dressed like the evil overlord of some rip-off game walked inside the room. That, and I would be a fool not to feel the sheer presence of his Demonic Power.

Mind you, that was without the man even trying to exert it.

I was not about to bother trying to ‘’Observe’’ Sirzechs-Fucking-Lucifer, AKA: Strongest Devil in history. Thank you very much.

Koneko and I tensed. She made a bow of respect, while I had to awkwardly bow my head while sitting, since I wasn’t about to risk falling on my face in front of my brother-in-law.

‘’Lucifer-sama.’’ The words felt weird in my mouth. If there was one thing I was not used to, it was formality. ‘’It’s a pleasure to meet you in person.’’

‘’Hah?! I’m a Satan, too, you know. Don’t ignore me!’’ Serafall said while shaking her staff. Yet, her words lacked any bite, while her face was just highly amused.

‘’Ah, no need, no need. Please raise your head.’’ The man nervously said. ‘’Please, both of you are good friends of my dear sister. In private, you can just address me as Sirzechs.’’

I was not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Because sooner or later, I was bound to have a slip of tongue and say something dumb. Koneko also gave a sigh of relief, probably because she also knew.

‘’I apologize for interrupting your recovery. But I wanted to congratulate you on your victory.’’ The red-haired man offered a smile. ‘’That, and to thank you for helping my sister with this matter. I would have ended the contract myself, but…’’

‘’Politics?’’ I offered.

‘’Politics.’’ He sighed, and his face seemed like it had aged ten years— No, wait, would it be like 500 years? Or did Devils always remain with how they wanted to look…

Must be a piece of information that was stored in the missing part of my brain. It is what it is.

Through my completely important mental musings, the man kept talking.

‘’As for the battle itself. For someone who has reincarnated recently, you truly are quite exceptional. Taking down the young Phenex was something I had doubts even Rias could do. Merely by a matter of his natural regeneration outlasting her.’’ The admission of Rias not being strong enough on her own to take on Riser seemed to make the man gloomy. As if a comically small rain cloud appeared on his head before disappearing as he approached and put a hand on my shoulder. ‘’If there is anything you need. Please, don’t hesitate to—‘’

‘’Your blood.’’ I fired immediately, interrupting the Satan, much to the surprise of the people in the room. I felt the smallest of pressure forming from the hand on my shoulder, and realized my wording was not the best. ‘’Wait, waitwait. I worded that wrong. Uh…’’

‘’He means a drop of blood, for his Sacred Gear.’’ Ayuka appeared to the rescue, as her eyes wandered through my medical records. Nodding along without looking at us as if she were confirming something. ‘’From my understanding, that spear gets stronger as he lets it ’absorb’ materials. For example, the crimson spear we saw during the fight was probably from the Red Dragon Emperor. Probably the reason that he can use his power. Albeit it is somewhat different, it’s still possible.’’

I was not about to correct the woman. Mostly because explaining how I actually yoinked Ddraig’s soul and made the spirit of my not Sacred Gear shove the remains of the Boosted Gear in my soul to make a weapon of a series that doesn’t exist yet.

‘See, Koneko? I can be smart sometimes.’ I patted myself on the back.

‘’Talk about bold.’’ Serafall quipped, staring at me up and down as if looking at me for the first time.

I chuckled and shrugged my shoulders. Well, Sirzechs was the one to offer, I just saw a chance and took it. Well, that, and the current Mana Circuit in my brain, may be doing more harm than good.

That, and my Curse of Greed…

‘’I see.’’ Sirzechs had a thoughtful expression on his face before giving a nod. ‘’Very well. If that’s what you want. I don’t have a problem with parting with a few drops of blood.’’

I swear to him, this dude was much like a Golden Retriever, a disarming smile with a very compliant attitude if you played your card right. I even saw Serafall muttering under her breath while shaking her head, while Ayuka just gave a tiny smile, and I didn’t know if it came from amusement or if she had figured something inside that big brain of hers.

‘’Besides… you being stronger will only help Rias in the long run. Especially since the two of you are… involved.’’ He stated, and I saw his warm look change to something dangerous, even if his expression remained the same. ‘’She looks happy. Happier than I've ever seen her back at home. Between me and you, that stays the same, deal?’’

‘Ah, of course… no matter how nice, Sirzechs was still a devil, one who won a civil war against the descendants of the original Satans.’ That is to say, the man was not dumb. He paid me the favor, with the promise that his sister would remain happy, all the while giving me a discreet shovel talk. ‘’Of course, brother-in-law.’’

Serafall and Koneko sputtered, with the latter looking at me as if I were crazy or wishing for death. Only for the main to give a small chuckle and pat my arm.

If anything, I took it as being good to go in my book!

‘’Excellent! Now, if you will…?’’ He extended his hand, and I pulled out my chain, turning it into its basic, Small Spear form.

The moment the glowing weapon appeared, Sirzechs gave it a look before focusing on the clearly red gem in the middle of the unorthodox spear. It was glowing, and I had the feeling that Jinzui shared quite a bit of my greed.

‘In the words of that sleeping dragon, Devils are not supposed to be this strong.’ My partner’s voice echoed inside my head as the leader of the devils pricked his finger, letting a few drops of blood be gratefully absorbed by my weapon.

The gem stilled for a moment, as if it was processing whatever had just happened, and then…

[You have unlocked the Devil Spear Series I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X…]

[You have unlocked the Super Devil Spear!]

[You have unlocked the Gremory Spear!]

[You have unlocked the Darkness Spear Series I, II, III, IV, V…]

[You have unlocked the Lance of Destruction!]

[Super Devil Spear (Locked)]

Equip Bonus: [Demonic Power Up (MAX)] [MAG Up (MAX)] [Light's Bane (Skill)] [Unmastered]

Equip Effect: [MP Recovery Up (MAX)]

[Gremory Spear]

Equip Bonus: [LCK Up (High)] [Monster Growth Up (Medium)][Unmastered]

Equip Effect: [Camel Taming]

[Lance Of Destruction (Locked)]

Equip Bonus: [ATK Up (MAX)] [STR Up (MAX)] [MAG Up (MAX)] [Erasure (Skill)][Unmastered]

Equip Effect: [Physical PEN Up (MAX)] [Magical PEN Up (MAX)]

Unholy fuck!

I tried not to give any outward reaction as multiple screens spammed directly on my face. All of them with the unlocks that a few drops of blood managed to unlock.

The sheer amount was insane. Jinzui—and by proxy, Ddraig—were absolutely right. Not even the parts I snatched from the incomplete Juggernaut Drive gave me this many unlocks.

‘’I take it from your expression that you acquired something you like?’’ Sirzechs chuckled good-naturally, as if he hadn’t dropped a goldmine of free stat boost on my face. ‘’Now I’m getting kind of curious, actually.’’

Yet, for all the strength of the unlocks… ‘’Well, uh… The thing is, I usually need a baseline of power to use the weapon forms I unlock. I cannot use most of them right now.’’ Right, this time I had no ’Deus Ex Machina’ moment, and it seemed like I had to unlock these the old-fashioned way.

‘’But, if you want to have an example, there are some races, like Fallen Angels, that give an amount of ‘Series’ depending on how strong they are.’’ The Satan looked at me with equal parts interest and amusement. ‘’For example, one of my… lovers, who is a Fallen, unlocked only the first of the series since she is not that strong.’’

‘’Ohh! So, so? How many did Sir-chan unlock?’’ Serafall had stars in her eyes as she looked at my weapon in fascination. The ‘why’ hit me a moment later. Magical spear that got stronger as you defeated foes… yeah, that struck right in her ‘Magical girl’ alley. ‘’Come on, come on. Don’t leave me hanging!’’

I took a moment to see through the notifications, looking at the Devil Spears specifically. Yet, even as I kept going, the numbers didn’t seem to stop. At the end, I stopped when the number hit XXX, meaning thirty, just because I found it funny.

‘’Uh… all of them?’’ I answered, not really sure. ‘’Like, all of the Devil series. There’s just nothing left.’’

…

The room stayed silent, before the strongest devil finally cracked and gave a slightly louder chuckle than before. Also, his posture had straightened a bit more. ‘’Well, you surely know how to give praise, Zatren-san.’’ It seemed that I had given the world’s most dangerous ERASE button a small self-esteem boost.

‘’Those matters aside,’’ Ayuka said, having put down the reports. And ignoring the squealing provided by one Serafall Leviathan—who I think started spouting something about shows, crossovers, and merchandise—‘’I, personally, also want to congratulate you in my own way. The feeling of having a… student of mine reach highs he didn’t know before is quite pleasing. So, for our next session, I’ll have it ready.’’

On top of what I was given by the System, and now Sirzechs, my teacher wanted to pile another reward on top of it? I’m sorry, but at this rate, that curse of greed was not going away anytime soon.

If anything, it would get worse.

‘’Thank you… teacher.’’ I said with a smile. And those words alone seemed to please the disheveled scientist greatly. If the upturn of her lips and the slightly manic look were anything to go by. ‘’It means a lot.’’

‘’It’s of no importance,’’ Ayuka shook her head, and she suddenly turned to Koneko with quite the happy expression. ‘’Ah, how could I forget? Congratulations to you both. For such a thing to happen so early in your lives, this is quite the achievement.’’

Now I was confused. Turning to Koneko revealed that she was very much the same. So, I looked back at Ayuka with a raised eyebrow. ‘’What are you talking about, Ayuka-san?’’

‘’Well, the girl’s pregnancy, of course.’’ She stated it as if it were obvious. ‘’It is quite rare for devils to conceive so young, even if there’s a record of Reincarnated Devils being…’’

I turned out the rest of her words. My already slow brain felt like it had halted entirely, and at the same time, it was running at a hundred miles an hour. The only other person more shocked than I was Koneko herself, who stared directly at the Satan with wide eyes while pressing a hand against her stomach.

Seeing our reaction, the two other Satans in the room turned to their fellow. Giving her the biggest side-glance ever created. To which, the tired scientist had the slightest of decorum to look embarrassed.

But I didn’t pay much attention to that because… ‘I’m going to be a fucking FATHER?!’

Just to confirm, I strained myself, casting [Observe] while staring directly at Koneko. The Skill felt incredibly sluggish, but sure enough, with the specifics of what I was looking for in mind, it showed a simple text.

[Koneko Toujou]

[Status: Healthy (Pregnant)]

I winced as the skill cut off. Its contents were incredibly minimalized and short, but it was more than enough confirmation.

‘’I’m… pregnant?’’ Koneko whispered so softly that it almost went unheard, if it wasn’t for the thick silence inside the room. Then, with an undecipherable look in her eyes, she looked straight at me while one of her hands was covered in a white glow around her stomach.

‘’I’m pregnant.’’ She said once more, even if it still had that undertone of disbelief. She kept staring at me, with an expression that was a mix of lost and nervous. ‘’Zatren… I’m pregnant.’’

That was the third time she said it, and I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. I was actually going to a father, even when the fertility rates for Devils are supposed to be actual garbage.

Was it because of the heat that Koneko went through a week ago? Did that have something to do with how it happened, or did I mess up while using fertility magic?

Koneko started shaking, and I noticed that I had just gone without answering for more than a minute. I cursed myself internally, since my silence could be taken the wrong way here.

I had to reassure my girlfriend, for she was just as lost as I was.

So, I opened my mouth. ‘’Hi, pregnant… I’m Dad.’’

…

I should definitely get my brain repaired before I keep talking.

-X-x-X-

Bonus Scene 1: Problem Pussy.

-Kuroka-

I stared at the completely legally obtained Devilphone with great interest as that Phenex boy and my sister’s mate collided in a last clash of power. And immediately chuckled once the victor was announced.

‘’Nyaaang~’’ I got up from the couch, stretching with a pleasant popping sound. With a lazy gaze, I could see a grey-haired Devil, who has ignored my advances for two weeks straight now, watching in great interest at the same thing I was with sparkling eyes. ‘Seems leader-chan got a new focus, nya~’’

I have noticed that he was rather down since it was announced that the Red Dragon Emperor got killed back in Kuoh. So, this may do him some good~

‘And then they tell MEow I don’t care, bah!’ Sneaking into the kitchen with plenty of hunger, I couldn’t help but think about what I just saw.

‘Shirone… was using Senjutsu.’ It was clear from the way her body was enveloped in Touki and the way her flames scorched away at those pathetic excuses of opponents. ‘Well, she could use some meowork, too~’

Still, I had to wonder if this was the work of that handsome mate of hers. Ahhh~ I really want to take a bite out of him now~ Did my sister claim him already~? Would she share with big sisss~?!

‘’You. Bothersome cat.’’ A chill went down my spine as I slowly turned my head away from the open refrigerator. There, sitting on the counter as if it were casual business and making absolutely zero sound, stood the most fearsome creature that I’ve ever laid eyes on.

The being stood at a very small height—Even shorter than my sister—With a forever bored expression and dull, grey eyes. She had black hair that cascaded all the way to her hips. She wore white shorts and went around barefoot.

As for the chest. She practically wore nothing. Flat tummy and body were left exposed to the world, with the exception of two pieces of clothing tied around her upper-hip and lower-ribcage. As for her minuscule breasts, they only had two black plasties in the form of an X covering them.

Yet, as silly as the girl looked. This was none other than the Dragon of Infinity, Ophis. With might and power comparable to Great Red. The being that my leader wanted to fight so badly after the Red Dragon Emperor’s demise, and the one in control of the dimensional gap.

And also, she was my boss.

‘’Y-yes, Ophis-sama?’’ I cautiously asked, even if I felt myself stuttering and shivering like a scared kitty. ‘’What can I help you with, nya?’’

‘’That boy. From the… Rating Game. The black-haired one.’’ Her flat tone did not give me any hope for the continuous alive status of my sister’s mate. ‘’I’ve seen him before. He was weaker. Now he’s stronger.’’

Oh, that was a lot worse, nya…’ It seemed that the whimsical Dragon of Infinity was interested in poor little Zatren-kun. That was, in my opini-meow, a fate much worse than death!

‘’Find him. See if he gets stronger.’’ The Lolita dragon said as she jumped out of the counter. Somehow, in her explanation, a box of store-bought cookies appeared in her hand. ‘’Find him. I want to see if he gets stronger still.’’

With those last, flat words, she disappeared through a ripple of reality on the floor. And the kitchen remained silent.

‘’Zatren-kun…’’ I mused, feeling my entire body shiver and my tails stand up straight after the interaction. ‘’Please get stronger… this kitty doesn’t want to be skinned alive…’’ I didn’t even have the energy to use the cat monicker after that.

-X-x-X-

Bonus Scene 2: The Unworthy’s Wrath.

-Katarea Leviathan-

I sneered at the commotion inside my home. Servants hurriedly whispered with each other. I had just woken up, and my day was getting quite frustrating.

Especially since none of these peasants who would usually hang onto my every word and follow orders like good pawns were answering my questions. I was THIS close to putting one through a window at this point.

‘Disrespectful mongrels…’ I scoffed. Apparently, I had to find out for myself. Perfect, like my day wasn’t already looking grim since I had to meet with that disgusting excuse of a scientist. ‘Tsk… If he wasn’t so useful, I would have gone away with his head already!’

So, that’s what I did right that morning. Sat in my office, with my personal computer device, and started to look through the latest news.

At first, nothing seemed to stand out. I was just about to go and press my headbuttler for answers, because meager tasks like gathering information were for those of a much lesser caliber than mine.

That’s when I caught wind of one particular video. Apparently, that little harlot, who was the sister of the red-haired faker, had her first competition today. Well, if there was one thing I won’t speak badly about, it is that Rating Games kept the young in good form for war. Even if they could do with a few more serious injuries.

Halfway through the video, I raised an eyebrow at the black-haired young man in particular. Apparently, a Rook of the Gremory harpy. He was not remarkably strong, and I thought that he was a useless backup at first.

Then, the barrier was erected, and I started to have my doubts.

It wasn’t until he started beating up that third son of the Phenex that I had to take back my statement. For all the waiting around, the boy seemed awfully competent. Even against those who were clearly his betters in lineage and strength.

‘’Not bad… for a Reincarnated.’’ The word left my mouth with disdain. For even if he had some might, a filthy mongrel would be a filthy mongrel nonetheless.

Then… that happened.

‘’LEVIATHAN!’’ My hand clenched against the desk, easily breaking the wood.

I saw, as a towering water dragon tore apart the young Phenex over and over again without mercy. As the Ocean rippled, commanded by a dirty mongrel who had no right to call such a name an ability of their own.

When the video ended, I stared at the screen… before punting the entire desk altogether across the room, and the wall too.

Hot, boiling rage that I had not felt in centuries came back with a vengeance.

It was already bad with that stupidly skimpy, slutty, faker, whorish excuse of a Leviathan taking MY rightful spot. And now, for a dirty, disgusting, pretty-faced of a damn MONKEY to try and copy one of the most pure and powerful traits among the Devils as a MERE INVOCATION?!

‘’Zatren Fumigami…’’ I spat the name like it was poison, clenching my fists in anger. ‘’I’m going to make you regret the day you were BORN, and then put you in your proper place…~’’

Because the only place for fakers, like the magical slut and now this dirty mongrel, was beneath me, in all and every aspect~