Chapter 36: Blind Eye
Daeron sighed as he turned away from the window, watching Aegon and Alicent continue to argue with each other.
He did not know if their mother was angrier about his older brother leaving the castle unattended, going to a tavern, or desiring to have his new friend as the first member of his household.
Daeron had been spending time with Lucerys and a few other children when he was told of his father's collapse and subsequent illness. The shock and horror that he was led to his mother's bedchamber, along with his siblings, continued to build within him as little was told to him about Viserys' current condition.
"I don't see why I cannot have Ned join the progress?" Aegon complained, drawing Daeron's attention again. "You said that you wished for all of us to find companions for ourselves, and that is what I have done."
"Proper companions," Alicent stressed, her voice sharp. "Not bastard hedge knights with no name of their own, and no sense of loyalty beyond whatever coin you can offer them."
"He is loyal, from what I have seen," Aegon argued. "And he has a name, Eddard Waters, and he has proven himself a capable knight by even having a moniker: Bloody Ned. I believe he received it for fighting a robber knight and was left covered in his blood after killing him."
Aemond let out a snort, knowing that this would not make Alicent more receptive to Aegon's plea, and was questioning how his brother could believe that it would.
"You are the King's son," Alicent snapped. "Everything you do reflects upon him, upon all of us. Taking a bastard hedge knight into your household is not some harmless indulgence."
Aegon's jaw tightened. "I wouldn't be the first noble to-"
"You are not an ordinary noble, that is the issue!"
Daeron flinched as Alicent's voice rose, shifting his weight, and fingers curling into the fabric of his sleeve.
"Daeron?" Helaena asked, having noticed how uncomfortable her youngest brother looked. "What is wrong?"
Daeron swallowed, his gaze drifting past Helaena and toward the door to their mother's chambers. "Do you… Do you think father is going to die?"
Alicent and Aegon both paused, surprise flickering across their faces as they turned to him. Silence fell over the room as everyone was now looking at the youngest prince.
This was the first time he had ever heard of Viserys collapsing. He had been too young to remember when Viserys had his arm removed, and he could not remember a time when his father looked as healthy as the rest of them. And Viserys rarely allowed the missing fingers on his remaining hand and the sores, scars, and discolored patches of skin on his body to be seen by others, including his family, so it had been easy for Daeron to ignore the signs.
Father has always been sick, but it feels real now. Daeron thought.
Alicent's expression softened almost immediately as she crossed the room to get to her son. She crouched in front of Daeron, taking his hands in hers, thumbs brushing small, soothing circles over his knuckles.
"No, he won't," she said firmly. "Your father is ill, yes, but he is strong. The maesters are tending to him; he will recover."
Daeron searched her face, but Alicent had worn this mask for years, and she did not let it slip easily.
"She's right," Aegon shifted uncomfortably, not sounding very confident as he avoided looking Daeron in the eyes. "Father's been sick before, worse, even. He always pulls through."
"But what if this time, it's different?" Daeron asked softly.
Before anyone could respond to Daeron's question, a knock was heard at the door, followed by the sound of Criston's voice. "Your Grace."
"Enter, Ser Criston." Alicent called out.
The Kingsguard opened the door and stepped into the room. "Princess Lilyanna has returned."
Alicent frowned. "And where is my daughter? Ser Rickard was supposed to bring Lilyanna to me the moment she returned."
"She is attending to the King, Your Grace," Criston explained, visibly hesitating as he considered whether to tell the Queen and his children what he had heard.
"What else do you have to tell me, Criston?" Alicent asked, having noticed the grim expression on the man's face.
"When Ser Steffon came to tell me about Princess Lilyanna's whereabouts, he had overheard her and the maesters discussing the best way to… to remove the King's eye."
"His eye?!" Alicent exclaimed, releasing Daeron's hands as she quickly rose to her feet, staring at Criston in shock.
"Seven Hells," Aegon muttered, rubbing his hand down his face.
"What do you mean his eye?" Aemond asked.
"Princess Lilyanna believes there is an infection that has been left untreated," Criston said evenly.
"Stay here, all of you. Let us go, Ser Criston." Alicent said as she walked towards Criston.
Aegon stepped forward. "But mother-"
"This is not up for discussion, Aegon. Stay here." Alicent said before she and Criston left the room.
Aegon huffed, raking a hand through his hair as he turned away from the door their mother had just exited through. "Of course, we have to stay here in the dark while Lilyanna is elbow-deep in father's insides."
"Don't say that," Helaena said softly, her voice distant, her eyes unfocused.
"Well, what else am I supposed to say, Helaena?" Aegon asked. "It's the truth."
Aemond crossed his arms, his jaw tight. "How about you take this seriously?"
Aegon turned sharply to face Aemond, irritation flaring hot in his chest. "How about you do us all the favor of keeping your worthless little mouth shut?"
Helaena sighed as she moved to sit closer to Daeron. "Just ignore them, you know how they get."
It was hard for Daeron to do so when it seemed like his brothers were being more argumentative than usual, which only cemented the idea in his mind how serious this situation was.
As she and Criston moved through Rosby, Alicent could only imagine just how ghastly the sight that awaited her would be.
Would she find Viserys already with his face cut open as if waiting for The Strangers' hands to remove him from this mortal coil? Would Lilyanna be standing over him with that same terrifyingly calm expression she always wears in the face of such horrors?
Alicent wanted to walk faster, but she forced herself to remain outwardly composed. From the moment she had left her bedchamber, everyone she walked past had taken the opportunity to gawk at her, and after everything that had happened that day, her family did not need to invite more whispers onto themselves, nor greater speculation about the King's health.
Alicent's heels clicked sharply against the stone as she reached the King's chambers. She bristled when, at the same time, her good brother had emerged from the corridor opposite her, his chemise slightly wrinkled and his expression already carved into something dark and furious.
It is good to know that word is already spreading through the castle. Alicent sarcastically thought to herself.
Daemon ignored Alicent, barely offering her a glance as he continued to storm forward.
"Daemon! Would you wait?!" Laena said as she, her mother, and Rhaenyra hurried after him.
Alicent glanced at Rhaenyra, seeing an uncharacteristically vacant and almost fearful expression on her face as she was silently and gently pulled forward by Rhaenys.
The Kingsguard posted the room outside, stiffening at the approach of the royals, although their eyes remained firmly on the prince, seeing the rage that colored his features.
Daemon halted abruptly, and Laena nearly collided with his back. He turned, eyes blazing. "My brother is lying inside that room with rot eating away at him, while a child plays healer, and you want me to wait?"
"That is not what I am saying," Laena said. "But angrily rushing ahead helps no one, and it certainly does not help your brother."
Daemon ignored her and turned to face the knights. "What are you fools waiting for? Open the doors."
Harrold and Steffon did as they were commanded to, and the first thing that hit them all was the smell, a foul mixture of vinegar, wine, honey, herbs, and salt.
Viserys lay unconscious upon the bed, stripped of his outer garments; his head turned slightly to the side with linen drawn tight around his shoulders. A basin of boiled water sat nearby, along with a bowl of poultice, bandages, and an assortment of different tools.
And there, standing at his bedside, with her sleeves rolled to the elbow, was Lilyanna. She did not look up when the four entered, keeping her eyes on her father.
"Close the door," Lilyanna said calmly to no one in particular as she prepared to begin the surgery.
Orwyle's eyes had widened when he turned to see who had entered the room; his posture straightened.
"Your Grace," He began quickly, bowing his head to Alicent, then glancing nervously toward Daemon. "We were just-"
Daemon glared at the maester. "About to let this child carve into your King's skull?"
Lilyanna finally looked up, staring at her uncle boredly, unperturbed by his behavior. "You allowed me to help your dear wife here deliver your son, but you will not allow me to keep your brother from succumbing to infection?"
"What are you implying, girl?" Daemon spat.
Lilyanna opened her mouth to speak, but Alicent stepped forward, knowing that what she would say next would only serve to anger Daemon further.
"Lilyanna," Alicent said sharply, her voice cutting cleanly through the rising tension. "Tell us exactly what is going on here and what you intend to do."
Lilyanna stared at her mother, her hands clenched at her sides. "The illness that Vis-father has been suffering from as of late is due to an infection in his right eye. I should have noticed it earlier, perhaps then we would have a far better chance of saving it, but it is too late now, the eye is lost, and the infection that has taken root will kill father if it is allowed to remain."
"So, your solution is to blind him?" Daemon sneered, turning away from Viserys. "Have you even made my brother aware of your intentions? Or were you only thinking of your own self-importance and decided to rush ahead, guided by hubris?"
Who the fuck does this asshole think he is? Lilyanna thought, insulted by the notion that she would ignore a patient's wishes.
"He knows, father woke up shortly before you all arrived," Lilyanna said, glaring at the man. "And he agreed to the procedure before letting me render him unconscious."
"It is the truth, my prince," Orwyle said as he stepped forward. "And when Princess Lilyanna ordered us to examine the eye more closely, we found swelling beneath the lid, discoloration of the sclera, and purulent discharge, all signs consistent with a deep infection."
"Your Grace," Maester Dromen spoke from his place on the other side of the King's bed, thinking that with the presence of the Queen, Daemon, and the Crown Princess, he could regain control of the situation. "Those symptoms could be the result of-"
Lilyanna rolled her eyes. "It's not bad humors, get off that shit already."
"The King will not need to suffer through mutilation if you allow me to do the duty that I have decades of experience doing," Dromen said, ignoring Lilyanna as she looked at Alicent.
"You could listen to this fool, allow him to administer his useless potions or apply leeches, but then the King will die, and we will be holding the King's funeral in a few days after allowing him to suffer needlessly," Lilyanna said coldly.
Rhaenyra whimpered when she heard her sister speak so plainly about Viserys dying, and she pressed a hand over her mouth, eyes shining as she stared at Viserys' still form. Laena's arm slid around her shoulders, steadying her as Rhaenys looked on in grim silence.
"Lilyanna!" Alicent exclaimed, her voice sharp with reprimand, but beneath it, fear bled through. "Do not speak of your father's death so lightly."
Alicent drew in a shaky breath and turned toward the bed. For a moment, she looked at Viserys, at the sunken hollows beneath his eyes, the sweat glistening on his skin, the faint, uneven rise of his chest, and saw him looking impossibly fragile.
Lilyanna glanced at her eldest sister, and her stomach twisted with guilt at the sight of Rhaenyra, realizing that her callousness had been the cause of Rhaenyra's tears.
Lilyanna looked back at her mother. "It was not my intention to be rude; I simply wanted the gravity of this moment to be understood. The eye must be removed, and it must be done now for him to have the best chance at recovery."
Silence fell over the chamber, broken only by the uneven rasp of Viserys' breathing.
"There is no other way?" Rhaenyra asked, her voice cracking by the end as she looked at Lilyanna.
"There isn't," Lilyanna said softly.
Rhaenyra clenched her fists, nails biting into her palms as she stared at her father's unmoving form. For a long moment, she said nothing, the words caught in her throat. "Do it, if there is even a chance that this will save him… do it."
Daemon let out a slow, disbelieving laugh, dragging his hand down his face. "Seven Hells."
This all seemed like madness to Daemon, and once again, he was struck with the feeling of uselessness in the face of not being able to do anything while someone that he cared about was in pain.
Laena placed her hand on Daemon's shoulder. "Daemon, we should-"
"I'm staying," Daemon said, staring pointedly at Lilyanna.
Lilyanna met her uncle's gaze, sighing as she did so. "If you wish to stay, then fine, just stay away from the bed, and stay quiet."
Lilyanna then turned to Orwyle, and the Grand Maester began to ready the tools they would be using.
Rhaenys felt Rhaenyra's body tense when Orwyle had grabbed a sharp needle from the table beside the bed.
"Rhaenyra, we do not have to stay," Rhaenys whispered. "You do not have to prove anything by enduring this."
Rhaenyra shook her head slowly, though her hands trembled where they were clasped together. "I'm not trying to prove anything," she said hoarsely. "He's my father."
Rhaenys studied her for a moment longer, then gave her a small, solemn nod and stayed where she was, one hand firm at Rhaenyra's back.
Even though the idea of watching her sister cut their father's eye out of her head made her ill, Rhaenyra did not want to leave. All she could think was what if something goes wrong and Viserys dies?
She had not there when her mother died, and every time she thought of Aemma, she was reminded of the fact that her mother spent her final moments surrounded by men and women who only cared for the child in her womb, who by the so called wisdom of the former Grand Maester and the orders of their King, decided to hold Aemma down like a pig and cut her open without hesitation.
If I had been there, would I have been able to stop Mellos, to stop father? Would father have even cared for my pleas? Or would I have been ignored and taken out of the room? Rhaenyra thought.
Viserys had not even been the one to tell Rhaenyra what he had done; she had forced one of the midwives present to tell her the truth in the hours after Aemma's body had been taken by the Silent Sisters.
Rhaenyra knew that Lilyanna was not Mellos, that she would not jump to the most dangerous and deadliest choice possible, not unless she had already exhausted every avenue and felt that there was no other option left.
She knew it was illogical, but Rhaenyra could not help herself from feeling that if she left the chamber, then there would be no one to keep Viserys from meeting a fate like Aemma's.
Lilyanna took a small knife off the table, staring at it for a moment before turning to face her father.
Orwyle had already pulled Viserys' eyelid back, exposing the swollen, discolored organ beneath, and Lilyanna did not allow herself even a moment to hesitate.
She stepped forward, her movements precise and practiced, blocking the view as much as she could from the others without asking them to leave.
"Hold him steady," she said quietly.
Daemon stiffened as Orwyle obeyed, placing his hands on the top and bottom of the King's face, pulling the skin taut. Laena rested her head against her husband's arm, clutching his hand tightly.
Rhaenyra's breath hitched; she pressed her knuckles to her lips, fighting the urge to look away.
Alicent clasped her hands together, muttering a prayer under her lips, her eyes fixed on her husband's face.
Lilyanna drew a steady breath, the world narrowing to just her fingers and her father's face.
Viserys' head throbbed as he slowly woke up, finding himself in almost complete darkness. His body felt weak, and when he tried to lift his head, it felt as if he could no longer control his body.
What… what is going on? Viserys thought, looking down at the end of his bed, toward the only source of light in the room.
Viserys caught sight of his brother sitting in a chair at the end of the bed, holding Dark Sister in his hands as he stared at the blade, seemingly lost in thought.
"D-Daemon?" Viserys said, his voice cracking, and he could feel just how dry his mouth was.
Daemon's head shot up; his eyes briefly widened as he stared at his older brother. He placed his sword down and quickly walked to his brother's side.
"Brother, you're awake," Daemon said, relieved.
"H-How l-long have I been asleep?" Viserys asked.
Daemon frowned. "It's been almost two days."
Two days? Viserys thought, wincing as his head continued to throb. "Why, why is the chamber so dark? And w-why can I only see out of one eye?"
A scowl appeared on Daemon's face, and he clenched his fists. "What is the last thing you remember?"
Viserys frowned, his brow furrowing as he tried to focus on Daemon's face with his remaining eye. The effort sent another wave of pain through his skull, and he hissed softly, turning his head away.
"I… I Lilyanna… s-she was here," He murmured. "I remember Lilyanna t-telling me that my eye was infected… and she was arguing with one of the maesters about what to do."
He could vaguely remember his daughter telling him that his eye needed to be removed.
"My eye… It's gone, isn't it?"
Daemon hesitated before reaching out and rested his hand over Viserys' forearm. "Your eye is gone."
Viserys fought against his own body to lift his arm; it felt like an eternity had passed as he finally managed to place his hand against the right side of his face.
The King could feel the textures of bandages under his fingertips, wondering how he had not noticed the material that was wrapped around his head sooner.
"She had sewn your eyelid shut after placing a stone inside the space. She said that without it, your eye socket will not be able to hold its shape." Daemon said, staring at his brother's bandages.
Viserys placed his arm back down on the bed, his gaze drifting toward the candle behind Daemon. "What kind of stone?"
Daemon looked at Viserys incredulously. "That is all you have to ask?"
"W-Well, there are certain gems that are not as flattering as o-others." Viserys said in jest, trying to smile, but wincing as the movement caused him to pull against his stitches.
"A sapphire, you fool," Daemon said bluntly.
Daemon did not question the choice when he had first caught sight of the sapphire, more focused on watching Lilyanna clear the socket once she had taken Viserys' eye out.
But due to watching her, Daemon had seen the visceral disgust that had appeared on Lilyanna's face when Orwyle had given her the stone, clearly not expecting that particular stone to be chosen.
But just as quickly as the disgust had appeared on her face, it disappeared, and Lilyanna looked as passive as she did before. And once again, Daemon found his niece to be thoroughly suspicious.
"D-Did you… Did you stay with me this entire time?" Viserys asked.
Daemon huffed, not even bothering to hide the exhaustion on his face. "Is that so shocking to believe?"
Viserys let out a weak laugh. "So, you do care? My heart is s-so deeply touched, brother."
Daemon rolled his eyes, though the corner of his mouth twitched despite himself. "Do not let it swell your head. I stayed because someone had to make sure you did not die while your maesters debated which herb to shove down your throat next."
Viserys gave another weak huff of laughter before it quickly dissolved into a wince. "Gods, my head."
Before either man could say anything else, one of the chamber doors slowly opened, stopping halfway to keep as much light as possible from entering the room.
Rhaenyra's eyes widened as she and Lilyanna walked inside, a smile blooming as she saw that her father was finally awake. "Father!"
Viserys could not sit up, but he turned his head toward the sound of her voice, his remaining eye softening when he saw her standing there.
"Rhaenyra..." He breathed, weakly raising his hand towards her.
Rhaenyra quickly crossed the room, stopping at his bedside and carefully taking his hand in her own. "You frightened me, you frightened all of us. When I heard you had collapsed, I feared that you would not wake up."
"It will take more than this to put me down for good," Viserys said, smiling softly. "The Stranger has no desire to usher me along just yet."
Rhaenyra frowned, gently squeezing Viserys' hand. "Father, please, when you have recovered fully, let us return to King's Landing. Is this not a sign that continuing will only endanger your health further?"
Viserys shook his head as best he could, regretting the actions as a jolt of pain passed through his skull. "Rhaenyra, I cannot do that. I swore that I would return Lyonel and his son to Harrenhal; it is the least I can do after the terrible fate that had befallen them in my name."
"The Strongs would understand!" Rhaenyra exclaimed, her anger growing at her father's refusal to see reason. "Everyone in the Kingdoms would understand why you would not be able to continue the rest of this journey, that your wellness should come first. Who is to say that you will not catch another infection? That Lilyanna will not have to take your last remaining eye, or the rest of your limbs?"
Viserys grimaced, not wanting to have this conversation again. "Rhaenyra, I already live with illness; I have been sick for over a decade, and this leprosy will never leave me. I cannot allow it to dictate my life; I must complete this progress, the realm to see weakness within their King, to think that I am ruled by this disease."
Lilyanna and Daemon shared a glance as the argument between Rhaenyra and Viserys continued.
Rhaenyra scowled. "Is this about your grandson? Is that why you are so reluctant to return to the city? Are you afraid of-"
"Do not finish that sentence," Viserys warned hoarsely before he grabbed the side of his face. The pain was now excruciating, his body curling in on itself.
Lilyanna quickly moved to Viserys' other side, placing her hands on his shoulders and pressing him gently but firmly back into the pillows.
"Stop moving, father. You'll tear the sutures," Lilyanna said as she started to remove the bandages.
Once she was done, the raw and angry red skin on the right side of Viserys' face was revealed, the stitches along his eye bulging.
"Damn it, Viserys, are you trying to make yourself worse?" Daemon growled, watching his brother worried.
Lilyanna went to the table, lifting the bottle of medicine that she had left there and pouring a carefully measured amount into a small cup before returning to the bedside.
"Drink," Lilyanna ordered quietly, sliding an arm behind Viserys' shoulders to help him sit just enough to swallow.
Viserys looked up at her, studying her face, seeing exhaustion and the dark circles beneath her eyes.
"You look even more like Alicent when you are cross with me," Viserys murmured.
"That is not comforting," Lilyanna replied flatly, pressing the cup to his lips. "Your fever has just broken, and it's going to take some time before the pain leaves you, as your face is still healing, so I would appreciate it if you did not push yourself too hard."
Daemon watched the exchange with narrowed eyes while Rhaenyra stepped back with her arms wrapped around herself, looking at the floor.
Once Viserys finished the draught, Lilyanna eased him back down and began rewrapping the bandages after making sure that the stitches did not come loose.
"How, how long will it take until I am ready to travel again?" Viserys asked.
Lilyanna clicked her teeth together, looking at her father with tired annoyance, knowing that her words would do nothing to change his mind. "I would prefer we wait as long as possible, to make sure that you are not at risk of falling ill again, but since your fever is gone, perhaps five days, maybe a week. Although I would not recommend that, especially as your depth perception will now be off, hindering your ability to walk, measure distances, or do anything on your own."
Viserys sighed. "Good, then we shall head for Duskendale in a week's time."
Of course, we will. Why should any of us expect you to listen to reason? Lilyanna thought.
Viserys then looked at his eldest daughter, deciding whether he should be honest about why he was so adamant about seeing the royal progress through.
The older she gets, the more she looks like Aemma. Viserys thought as he looked at Rhaenyra. And as he thought about his beloved, Viserys longed for the day that he could see her again, that day that he could apologize for everything he put her through, and tell her about the wonderful woman that their little girl had become.
"Rhaenyra," The princess lifted her head when Viserys called out to her, seeing the bittersweet look on his face. "I can feel my body slowly growing weaker with each passing day. Your sister's treatments help, but it is not enough. It may take another decade, but it will kill me, and I would be a fool not to see that truth. I do not fear dying, Rhaenyra, but at least before my body fails me further, I wish to see as much of the realm as I can. Let the people look upon their King and see that my crown has not yet slipped from my head, let them see how united the house of the dragon truly is, and let them see the future of our dynasty in its worthy and perfect heir."
"Father," Rhaenyra whispered.
"When I am gone, I want no one to say I shrank from my duties. I want them to remember that I endured, and see that reflected in you when you become Queen," Viserys said. "Seeing Lyonel and Harwin's bodies, learning the lengths those traitors had gone through to kill them, it has only made it clearer to me my own mortality. This might be the last opportunity I will have to do something like this."
Rhaenyra lowered her head, a sigh leaving her lips. She still wanted to protest, but the exhaustion in his voice stole the fight from her.
"Then we will stand beside you," Rhaenyra said quietly, lifting her head as she looked at him again. "All of us. If you insist on showing the realm your strength, then we will make certain they see it."
Viserys smiled faintly, relief softening the lines of his face. "That is all I ask."
Lilyanna tied off the final knot in the bandage and stepped back, studying her work with clinical focus.
"Rest, father," Lilyanna said. "If you are determined to parade yourself before the realm, you will need every ounce of strength you can muster."
Viserys huffed faintly. "Lilyanna, you… you…"
Viserys' voice began to taper off, his remaining eye slowly drifted shut, and his breathing evened out as he fell asleep.
Rhaenyra brushed her thumb across his knuckles a few times before stepping away. "He will not stop."
"No, he won't," Lilyanna agreed, her voice flat.
"My brother has always been a stubborn fool; you can't expect time to change him," Daemon said.
"I believe you are the last person who can talk about being a stubborn fool, uncle," Rhaenyra said softly and without malice.
Daemon smirked, chuckling. "Does that not mean that you also have no room to talk, dear niece?"
Rhaenyra huffed, still keeping her gaze on her father.
He has always been blind, hasn't he? Even before he lost his eye to infection, he could never see what was right in front of him. He thinks the realm will think him strong, instead of seeing a slowly dying King, he thinks that bringing Otto back as Hand of the King will make his rule easier to bear again, not seeing the man for the Snake that he is. Rhaenyra thought.
She loved her father; she feared for the day that he would finally succumb to his sickness, and when she would lose her last remaining parent. But loving him did not blind her to the fact that his greatest weakness had never been his body, but his incessant need to bury his head in the sand.
Rhaenyra turned away from the bed at last, swallowing the bitterness that had been rising in her throat. "Let us leave him to rest."
Daemon picked up Dark Sister once more, sheathing the blade as the three of them left the chamber.
Lilyanna blew out the sole candle, bathing the room in total darkness once she closed the door behind her.
Hours Later
Alicent felt relieved as she left the King's chamber, glad to see that her husband was finally awake.
Still, she hated that Viserys was adamant about continuing the progress despite everything.
Viserys will kill himself, parading across the realm like a spectacle and letting the great lords and smallfolk alike watch their King rot while he pretends that he is not. Alicent thought bitterly, her fingers tightening around the skirts of her gown as she walked.
Criston fell in step beside her, silent as ever, and Alicent could feel the knight's eyes on her, watching her carefully.
"I am not going to break, Ser Criston," Alicent said, keeping her gaze forward as she walked.
"I certainly would not expect you to, my Queen," Criston responded evenly. "That would not be a luxury that a lady such as yourself can be given."
Alicent's lips pressed into a thin line. "No, no, it is not."
The two fell into silence as they continued to walk through the castle.
Criston kept glancing at his Queen, noticing the stiffness of her shoulders. For two days, he had to watch as Alicent forced herself to remain strong in the eyes of everyone around her as she worried about Viserys. How she worried about Lilyanna's mental state, believing that her daughter should not be forced to carry such a burden. And how she worried about the rest of her children, trying her best to distract them from their father's condition.
He had watched the way Lilyanna carried herself, the anger in his expression whenever she returned from checking on her father. Criston knew that Lilyanna blamed herself for not discovering the infection sooner, that if she had, then her father would not have needed to lose his eye and would not be experiencing the pain of it all.
He saw the way Daeron had lingered outside the King's chambers, hovering like a shadow, too afraid to enter and see his father, yet too frightened to wander far from him.
He had seen how Aegon and Aemond viciously fought with each other, snapping at one another because it was easier than admitting they were afraid.
He had seen how quiet Helaena had become, gravitating towards Lilyanna whenever she was nearby, muttering to herself and nervously peeling the skin of her fingertip, only stopping when her sister would gently separate her hands.
And most of all, Criston had seen the way everyone was staring at the Queen and her children, and how they looked at them in comparison to the return of the royal family.
The nobles around them were like vultures, waiting to see if their King would recover or not, to see which direction the winds would blow.
When they reached the entrance to the castle garden, the Queen had grown tired of the look Criston was giving her, knowing that he wanted to say something but was hesitating.
"Criston," Alicent finally looked at the man from the corner of her eye. "If there is something that you wish to say, then you should say it."
Criston looked around them, making sure that no one was close enough to overhear them. "Your Grace, you once told me that Rhaenyra Targaryen would be the realm's destruction if she were ever allowed to take the throne."
Alicent paused, quickly turning her head to look at the knight properly, not expecting this to be what Criston wanted to say.
"We both agreed that she was undeserving of her position," Criston continued. "But as of late… but as of late, I fear that you may have allowed yourself to become… enthralled by her yet again."
"Enthralled?" Alicent parroted, staring at him, dumbfounded as her body became taut. "I am not enthralled by Rhaenyra. And I am not blind to her faults, I simply… I simply do not see the point of holding onto the anger that I once did."
Alicent hated how Rhaenyra's face immediately appeared in her mind, along with the blasphemous thoughts of the shape of her fingers, her eyes, and the memory of how Rhaenyra's lips felt against her own.
Gods, what is wrong with me? Alicent thought.
Criston clenched his fists, the leather of his gloves creaking softly. "You forgive her too easily; she has not changed. She is still as reckless and selfish as ever, and when the time comes, she will not hesitate to cast you aside once more."
Alicent's chin lifted, glaring at Criston. "You presume too much."
"I remember what she did to you, my Queen, I remember the betrayal she had put you through. It is because of her that Ser Otto was removed from his positions on the small council and forced to return to Oldtown in disgrace, and it is because of her that I… that I had betrayed my oath, she sullied me and treated the act as if it was just a little game to her." Criston's voice had started strong, but had tapered off; the pain and anger he was feeling were evident.
Alicent stiffened; she had known ever since she had taken the Kingsguard as her sworn protector, the hatred that he held for the Princess of Dragonstone.
For over a decade, she had stoked that hatred, encouraged it when it suited her, leaned on it when she felt alone, all because it had once mirrored her own.
In Criston Cole, she had found a loyal protector, confidant, and friend, the only person who she felt understood her own hatred due to their unique circumstances and the role Rhaenyra had played in their anguish.
"She ruined me, has ruined both of us, and now, with King falling sick, we must come to reckon with the reality of the future to come. Can you truly say that, should Rhaenyra ascend, that you and your children will be safe? That she will not seek to get rid of the challenge that her brothers possess by virtue of being alive?"
"So, I must jump to the prospect of war?" Alicent asked, clenching her jaw. "To force Aegon onto the throne, the second Viserys is dead, and tell him he must kill his elder sister and her children to ensure that she cannot retaliate against him?"
Criston became stone-faced, staring at Alicent with pity in his eyes. "If it is to protect himself and his own, then I do. After what Daemon did to Princess Lilyanna on Dragonstone, I cannot believe that Rhaenyra will not allow him to run wild just as the King has when the time comes, that he will not decide on his own to get rid of any threat that exists towards his precious niece."
The Queen stood very still, closing her eyes for a moment, and drawing in a slow breath. "If war comes, Ser Criston, it will not be because I summoned it."
Criston shook his head. "And what of your father? When Ser Otto becomes Hand of the King again and returns with us to King's Landing-"
"I will deal with my father when the time comes," Alicent said strongly, turning away from Criston. "His opinion does not matter to me."
Criston did not believe her; he knew well that Alicent never truly defied her father and that her resolve had a way of softening in the face of her duty.
"He already works to try and ensure Aegon's assentation, he thinks is necessary to protect your children by acting first," Criston said. "He-"
"My children are not weapons," Alicent said coldly. "And they will not be used as such."
They already are. Criston thought as they began walking again and as the conversation died.
He could see no other way that did not involve war and the death of one side. He supposed that he could not fault Alicent for her reluctance and fear; in his eyes, she was the embodiment of The Mother, a soft, nurturing, and compassionate woman with no stomach for bloodshed.
As they passed through the garden, Alicent caught sight of Laena, seeing the woman sitting with her son in her arms.
Aethan seemed transfixed by his mother's hair and was trying to grab one of Laena's fallen locks, giggling when she would playfully move her head out of the range of his hands.
When she looked up, Laena met her gaze, smiling politely as she stood up.
"Your Grace," Laena greeted the other woman with a bow. "I hear from my husband that the King has awakened and is beginning to recover. We are all grateful for that and pray for his swift return to health."
"Thank you, Lady Laena," Alicent said. "Your words warm my heart, and I know Viserys will appreciate hearing them."
"Of course, we are family after all, it is the least I can do," Laena said.
Laena glanced at the Kingsguard, seeing the man's poorly hidden suspicion and anger as he looked at her, standing a couple of paces behind the Queen.
Laena's smile dimmed; she had been the one to wipe away Laenor's tears after Criston murdered Ser Joffrey Lonmouth at Laenor and Rhaenyra's wedding feast. And she knew well, after years of correspondence, how much her younger brother hated the knight for taking away his lover and never being punished for the act.
And she knew from Laenor that the reason Criston had done so was that he and Rhaenyra had slept together shortly before the event, and that Rhaenyra's rejection of him had created a man without honor and filled with nothing but contempt.
Since returning to Westeros, she could understand why Criston seemed particularly hateful of her presence after what her husband had done, even if Alicent and Lilyanna kept their ire directly on Daemon instead of allowing their anger to cover Laena and her children.
Across the garden, a small group of ladies was walking by, immediately coming over to greet the Queen when they spotted her, awed by her presence. After some time, when their eyes shifted towards Laena, they greeted her before walking away, but not before openly staring at Aethan, looking at his scales and wings with poorly hidden horror, shock, and disgust.
The dragonrider held her infant son closer to her body, as if to shield her from the staring.
"You should pay their staring and whispering no mind; reacting will only encourage them further," Laena looked back at Alicent and saw that the woman was staring at her with commiseration.
Laena frowned. "I'm sorry?"
Alicent hesitated before speaking again. "The gawking, the gossiping, the contempt they hold towards your child for their differences."
Was... was this what she had experienced with Lilyanna? Laena thought before glancing down at Aethan. When she looked back up, she saw that Alicent's expression had remained the same. "Does it ever end?"
"No," Alicent said plainly. "It never does, nor does it grow easier to bear."
Alicent thought about Lilyanna. From the moment she was old enough to think for herself, she had seemed to be acutely aware of how the world saw her, much to Alicent's sadness.
She had felt a terrible sense of helplessness as she could not protect her daughter from the rumors. Viserys had not cared, dismissive of her concerns and too focused on Rhaenyra and his kingly duties to see the extent of the issue. And Otto had made clear his own dismissal of Lilyanna and of Helaena to a lesser extent, imploring her to focus more on Aegon, reiterating that having Lilyanna as a sister would do Aegon no favors.
Lilyanna was not seen as an innocent child, but a monstrosity that should have never been born, something that Alicent and Viserys should have been ashamed of themselves for creating. As she grew, Lilyanna's personality and bucking of societal etiquette and norms did not help to endear her to those who disliked her.
And yet, Lilyanna was rarely bothered by the almost blatant disrespect she was treated with, even speaking about herself as if she did not matter as much as everyone else. She had already accepted the scorn, walking through life and bearing it all without complaint.
Perhaps that was why Alicent felt a sense of kinship with Laena, understanding better than anyone the plight of loving a child the world had already decided was wrong. And why she had felt the need to stand here and try to reassure the other woman, even if Lilyanna's ailment was far easier to hide than Aethan ever will be.
"It's hard, trying to hold your tongue against it all, to fight the desire to lock them away so that the world can never hurt them. The best you can do is to assure them that no matter what the world says, they are loved beyond measure and that they are not mistakes."
Laena's grip on Aethan tightened slightly, her thumb brushing over the small ridge of scales along his shoulder. The boy cooed, unaware of the turmoil his mother was feeling at that moment.
"He is a dragon," Laena said quietly. "And dragons were never meant to be hidden."
Alicent's gaze flickered toward one of Rosby's towers. "No," she agreed softly. "They were not."
Aethan let out a delighted squeal, nudging his tiny wings against his mother's arm as he squirmed.
Laena found it a bit strange to be talking to Alicent like this, as the two of them did not speak to each other beyond simple pleasantries. The opinions of Alicent that her husband, parents, brother, and cousin had given her varied wildly, but none of them had prepared her for this version of the Queen standing before her, and she could not tell which opinion was the truest.
"To speak plainly, while I worry deeply about Aethan, I am more concerned about how his sister will react in response to everything," Laena whispered.
Her thoughts had returned to Lady Rosby's luncheon, while she was angry about what Abrey had said about Aethan, Baela attacking the other girl and refusing to see why her actions were inappropriate, made Laena fear that as she grew older, Baela would do worse to whoever she believed was a threat to those she cared about.
And things were certainly not helped with Daemon all but praising their daughter when he had found out, seeing it as Baela defending her infant brother from the foul words of their foolish lessers, that the girl and her mother had the humiliation coming for even daring to think Aethan was less than perfect.
And of course, if Daemon sees it as a good thing, then Baela will not listen to anyone else's opinions on the matter; she admires him too much to think otherwise. It's not as if I did not understand the urge, but Baela cannot go around using her fists, or even worse, her dragon, to solve her problems and to right perceived wrongs. Laena thought to herself.
She could not forget the way everyone in the garden had looked at her, Baela, and Rhaena in that moment, as if Baela was a beast that had broken loose from her collar, and like they were the most entertaining show they had ever seen, with no sympathy in their eyes, only judgment.
Alicent understood what Laena meant, her expression turning into one of wistful exasperation. "My own children were the same regarding their sister; they still are in truth. Once, years ago, Aegon had overheard a page speaking ill of Lilyanna, and he shoved him into a pile of manure. Lilyanna had not been impressed when we all learned of this and told her brother to stop being so soft-skinned, and that the page's words did not matter to her."
Laena let out a breathy laugh. "Baela would have broken the page's nose."
"Aemond had done something similar when he was younger," Alicent admitted. "He had to be restrained."
"And did you punish him?" Laena asked.
"I tried, but he did not regret it, although he has refrained from fighting other children in the years since," Alicent said.
For a moment, the two women stood together in a strange, yet comfortable sense of understanding. It was a fragile thing built on the fact that they were two mothers who desired to protect their children from the world.
Alicent hated that Criston's words from earlier entered her mind, and she could not stop herself from thinking that one day, the very children they were talking about might one day find themselves standing on opposite sides of a battlefield.
A Week Later
As they prepared to leave Rosby, Lilyanna found herself standing in the castle's courtyard, staring at a crow that sat on the battlements, convinced that the bird was watching her.
It's official, I have lost my mind. Lilyanna thought, rolling her eyes at herself.
Ever since she had found out Larys Strong was a skinchanger, Lilyanna had started to become paranoid around animals, questioning if they were normal.
Skinchangers can warg into different types of animals, so can Larys warg into birds, too? Or is he more limited than I thought? And what if certain animals are skinchangers, but just not Larys? How common are they on this side of the Wall?
"Look, Lilyanna is daydreaming again," Lilyanna blinked as she heard Baela's voice, realizing that at some point she and Rhaena had appeared by her side. "Do you think if I hit her, she'll wake up?"
"Try it, and I will knock you onto your ass," Lilyanna said dryly, turning her head to look at her twin cousins.
Baela crossed her arms. "Helaena hits you, so why can't I?"
"That's different, Helaena is Helaena. I wouldn't put my hands on her; she's delicate." Lilyanna said.
Baela frowned. "And I'm not?"
Lilyanna scoffed, looking Baela up and down with an overly exaggerated expression of skepticism.
Rhaena covered her mouth with her hand as she struggled to keep her laughter quiet as her sister let out an offended squawk at the look their cousin was giving her.
Lilyanna ignored the insults her cousin was now throwing her way, her gaze falling upon her father, watching as a group of men carried Viserys into the yard and towards his carriage.
Viserys was able to leave his bed four days ago, but he still could not walk properly, still not used to moving through life with only one eye. Even from where she stood, Lilyanna could see how his weight sagged heavily against the two guards directly supporting him, how pale he looked beneath the sunlight, and how carefully the men handled him.
"Lily," Lilyanna turned her head and watched her twin approaching her, Baela, and Rhaena. "Now that father is here, mother wants to ride in our own carriage and head towards our dragons while he is being settled."
"Baela, Rhaena!" The four girls turned and saw Daemon standing across from them; his arms crossed as he looked at his daughters.
Baela groaned. "Do you think if I ask, father will get me a horse to ride? I don't want to sit in the carriage again, it's so small!"
"You already asked him when we were leaving the Red Keep to go to the Dragonpit, and he said no, he'll just say no again," Rhaena said as she and Baela walked towards their father.
"I'm coming, I just want to make sure that father has no complications before we leave," Lilyanna said.
Viserys was still experiencing headaches and now had mood swings on top of everything, which only made Lilyanna feel even more irritated as the week passed by, cursing her father's stubbornness.
When Viserys was carried across the yard and finally reached the carriage, Alicent was already waiting, standing next to the door and watching as Viserys was carefully carried inside. Through the doorway, everyone could see Viserys slumping against the seat, his face looking far more relaxed now that his body was no longer moving.
As she glanced away from her parents, Lilyanna saw her siblings standing next to their carriage, talking to each other, but what caught her attention was the person that Aegon was energetically talking to.
"Who is that?" Lilyanna asked, pointing at the young man standing next to their brother.
Helaena looked at Lilyanna, confused. "You mean, Ser Eddard? He is Aegon's friend."
Lilyanna's brow furrowed. "Since when?"
Helaena stared at her sister blankly for a moment before giggling. "Lily, he has been with us for over a week now, always by Aegon's side. Have you only just noticed?"
Lilyanna huffed, rolling her eyes. "Excuse me for spending most of my time and energy looking after our idiot father. If not, then I'm sure I would have noticed Aegon somehow getting some poor fool to become his lapdog."
Helaena's smile dimmed at the mention of Viserys, her fingers twisting together as her gaze drifted somewhere far beyond the courtyard.
Seeing the reaction, Lilyanna sighed. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"It's fine, I know you are just stressed over everything," Helaena said softly. "You know that father losing his eye was not your fault, right?"
Lilyanna did not answer Helaena because if she opened her mouth, she was not sure she would be able to lie convincingly, and she hated lying to Helaena.
It was impossible for Lilyanna not to feel as if this was her fault, especially given all the knowledge she held.
First Laena and Aethan, then Lyonel and Harwin, and now Viserys? I shouldn't have been taken off guard by any of that. I have to be better; I don't have the luxury of making mistakes, not when lives are at stake. Lilyanna thought.
"Lily?" Helaena asked gently. "Are you-"
"We should head to the carriage; we're keeping the others waiting," Lilyanna muttered, walking past her sister.
"Why won't you just let me help you?" Helaena whispered, sighing as she followed Lilyanna.