Chapter 71: You Really Are Hungry
"I’m not a misogynist. I’m completely fair and impartial."
"If you don’t believe me, I’ll connect with another girl. Listen closely. You can even analyze my expression frame by frame."
Zhang Zhe scanned the list of people waiting to connect and chose an ID that was clearly a woman’s: [Go Away Dark Circles]. A guy would never pick such a girly name.
The most a normal guy would go for is something like [GummyBear].
"Hello? Am I speaking with a woman?"
"Yes, yes, I am." The young woman’s voice was a bit gruff, but you could still tell her gender if you listened closely.
"Brother Zhang, I finally got through to you! I have so many questions I want to ask."
"Thanks for your support. No problem, take your time and ask away."
"Okay, let me tell you a bit about myself first." The woman cleared her throat. "I was born in ’98. I’m 5’2" and weigh 132 pounds."
"Brother Zhang, do you think I’m fat?"
’You’re already starting?’ Zhang Zhe was taken aback. "The questions you wanted to ask... they’re this type of question?"
"Yes. Go on, tell me. Am I fat or not?"
"You..." Zhang Zhe sensed trouble. He could already smell the impending online mobbing.
Some time ago, a woman had come on and immediately sent a photo for him to rate. Back then, he was still objective and gave her a reasonable score of 3 out of 10.
And then he was put on blast on Xiaohongshu.
The post featured a screenshot of his face from the stream with the title:
This streamer looks like *this* and has the audacity to rate other women?
The situation back then was a lot like this one. That woman had also said, "Go ahead and rate me honestly. I won’t get mad."
It was all a lie.
Zhang Zhe didn’t answer right away. He was a seasoned streamer now.
He looked at the camera and asked, "What do you guys in the chat think? Let’s hear your opinions."
[Not fat, just kinda built like a little meatball.]
[We’d call that ’pudgy’ where I’m from.]
[We call that a ’roly-poly.’]
[Kinda reminds me of a potato mine or a squash.]
Zhang Zhe had wanted to take a cue from the chat’s suggestions, but his audience was clearly way too blunt.
As a professional matchmaking streamer, he believed every woman who came on his show deserved respect...
"I believe in science. I just did the calculation, and your BMI is 24. That falls into the overweight category."
"But don’t worry, you’re still a ways off from being obese."
"You’d have to be around 154 pounds to be considered obese."
"...Brother Zhang, doesn’t ’overweight’ just mean fat?" the woman demanded. "I have a great figure. I don’t think I’m fat at all."
"I never said you were," Zhang Zhe said, shaking his head.
"But that’s what you meant."
"No, no, I’m just respecting your own perception."
"It’s not my perception, it’s what you’re implying."
"I..." Zhang Zhe couldn’t be bothered to pretend anymore. "Fine. That’s exactly what I meant. You are fat. A little roly-poly. Happy now?"
"Alright, continue with your introduction."
"I’m tempted to tag you as a masochist."
Zhang Zhe’s tone was laced with impatience.
But after he said that, the woman actually quieted down and obediently continued her introduction:
"I currently work an administrative job at a school, with a monthly income of around 10,000 yuan. My father works at a state-owned enterprise, and my mother is a retired contract worker, the kind with a stable pension."
"As for my looks, I’d rate myself a 5.5. I’m a bit of a beauty."
[No way. How can you be a 5.5 when you’re that heavy? You’ve definitely got a double chin.]
[I’d believe a 5 with beauty filters, but definitely not with a bare face.]
[I’m 5’3", 121 lbs, and even my face is getting chubby. Weight has a huge impact on your looks.]
No one in the chat believed the score the woman gave herself.
Zhang Zhe didn’t believe her either. "With a score like that, and supposedly a great figure, you shouldn’t be short on admirers, right?"
"Yes, there are."
"Are they actively pursuing you?"
"Not actively, but it’s obvious they’re interested." The woman gave an example. "Like, if we need to get some form processed. If another woman from my department goes to ask this one guy, he’s difficult. But when I go, he’s very cooperative."
"Huh?" Zhang Zhe blinked, trying to wrap his head around what she was saying.
"So you’re saying that guy has a secret crush on you, right?"
"That’s more or less it."
"Is it possible he just hates that other woman in your department?"
"Or maybe he’s just a Buddhist trying to do his good deed for the day?"
Zhang Zhe considered himself an expert on secret crushes, and frankly, treating someone differently didn’t prove anything on its own.
"That’s possible." This time, the woman didn’t insist on her opinion. "I’m actually a bit narcissistic, so it’s hard for me to tell for sure."
"I get it," Zhang Zhe said in agreement. "I have a friend who’s the same way. It’s pretty normal."
[Can’t argue with that, because I’m that friend he’s talking about.]
[I’m the opposite. If I like a girl, I’ll deliberately give her a hard time. Maybe I’m just a jerk.]
[To the guy above, yeah, you really are a jerk.]
[This girl seems like the type who’s simultaneously insecure and conceited.]
"Go on. What about your personal assets?"
"I don’t have a car, but I own a home. My parents made the down payment, and I pay the monthly mortgage myself."
"You’d be better off not owning a home," Zhang Zhe analyzed with a frown. "For both men and women, having a property with an existing mortgage is a negative in the dating market, unless you’re willing to add your partner’s name to the deed for free."
"After marriage, your incomes become joint marital property. But you’d be using that joint property to pay off the mortgage on your personal property. A lot of people wouldn’t be able to accept that."
"You’d have been better off just keeping the money as savings."
"I know that now," the woman said, frustrated. "I bought it when the property market was at its peak. I’ve been paying the mortgage for a few years, and now the price has dropped. I’ve lost more money on the value than what I’ve paid in."
"But there’s nothing I can do about it now... *sigh*..."
"Don’t worry, don’t sigh. You can still take the path of ’marrying away your debt.’"
"That’s what I was thinking, too." The woman took Zhang Zhe’s words seriously. "I want to find a man who can help me pay off a portion of the mortgage early. I’m willing to add his name to the deed."
"Uh... are you sure you’re not a real estate agent?" Zhang Zhe scratched his head. ’It really takes all kinds to make a world,’ he thought.
He’d heard of women with kids looking for a stepfather, but never of a woman with a house looking for a "step-mortgage-slave."
But then again, if the two of them really hit it off, her plan could actually work. It’s basically the same as a couple buying and paying for a house together.
"I’m not a real estate agent. It really is the house I live in."
"The main thing is, selling the house now would be a huge loss, and I just can’t stomach that."
"I understand. After all, if you sell now, all the mortgage payments you’ve made will have been for nothing. You’d even lose a portion of the down payment your parents gave you."
Zhang Zhe could understand her position, but understanding didn’t mean he supported it.
Buying a house is a serious matter. For her to have picked a property that so easily lost at least several hundred thousand yuan... the average person wouldn’t dare ’invest’ in a property like that.
All she could do was comfort herself with the old saying, "A primary residence is never a losing investment."
"Alright, I’ve got a handle on your situation."
"So what are your requirements for a partner?"
"My requirements are simple. The man’s situation can’t be worse than mine, and he has to agree to my mortgage plan.
Also, at least one of his parents must have a public sector job, and he himself must either be in the public sector or have a tenured government position."
"That’s impossible." Zhang Zhe shook his head. "A guy whose parents are in the public sector, and who is also in the public sector himself? He’d never go for you. You’re not in the same league socially."
"A guy like that either gets matched up with someone from his own workplace or marries the underachieving daughter of a wealthy family."
"But actually..." the woman said quietly, "the man I’m being set up with right now is exactly like that."
"For real? Then what are you hesitating for?" Zhang Zhe asked, puzzled. "He’s clearly the best you’re going to get."
"He has... a small problem."
"I want you to help me analyze it, Brother Zhang. Is he really the best I can do?"
"Okay, lay out his stats for me."
Zhang Zhe was curious himself. He wanted to see just what kind of man this woman was being set up with.
A man from a family with two generations in the public sector was interested in her? ’What could possibly be his fatal flaw?’
"He was born in ’94, he’s 5’7" and 143 pounds. He’s balding a bit, and... I think he has a sensitive stomach."
"???" Zhang Zhe’s face was a perfect picture of the confused guy meme. ’This woman must be truly desperate.’
’She should have just said she was willing to accept a balding guy with stomach problems! Of course she could find someone like that!’
Zhang Zhe had a reasonable suspicion that, as long as the price was right, this woman would even agree to a ghost marriage to improve her luck.