Chapter 38: Bringing Grain and Oil to Meet an Online Friend?
Zhang Zhe didn’t find out until half a month later that Boss He had signed him up for the city’s largest matchmaking event. By then, he had already gone independent, so getting a spot for free felt pretty damn good.
Right now, his attention was completely focused on the guest who had joined his stream.
"Look, buddy, I don’t really have any services that are right for you here."
Zhang Zhe hadn’t expected a guy to join the stream. He’d been too hasty. When he first saw the ID "Qin Yin," he thought it was a girl who was into traditional aesthetics.
Now he understood. This was an anime thing.
Qin Yin was the name of a character in a band called Wooden Cabinet.
"Brother Zhang, you never said you only take female clients, did you?"
"That’s true, but Option A is going on a blind date with me, and Option B is me cosplaying as your blind date. No matter which one you pick, it’s a little weird, don’t you think?"
"Don’t worry, I’m not interested in you, Brother Zhang. I choose Option B."
"Fine. Seeing as you’ve been so polite, I’ll give you a free analysis."
"Let’s skip the cosplay, though. I can’t pull off playing a woman, and I’m afraid it’ll attract the wrong kind of attention." Zhang Zhe pulled up the familiar registration form. "Buddy, you’re not from Njing, are you?"
"No, no."
"Okay. I was just thinking you looked a little familiar. I was worried you might have shown up in a photo somewhere, but as long as our IPs don’t match, we’re good. You probably just have one of those faces."
"Go ahead and introduce yourself according to the form."
"Okay." The guy was good-natured. Even when Zhang Zhe teased him, he just chuckled good-humoredly. "I was born in ’98, so I’m 27 this year. I’m from the Northwest. My family is just ordinary; my parents run a small business."
"I’m a dentist now, working at a private dental clinic. My annual income is around 160,000. I own an apartment, paid in full, worth 1.3 million. I don’t have a car, and I’ve basically never been in a relationship."
"As for my education, I have an associate’s degree, and then I completed a program to get my bachelor’s."
"Brother Zhang, what do you think of my stats? Can you give me an evaluation?"
"Can’t evaluate you yet." Zhang Zhe shook his head. "Bro, what’s your height?"
"I’m 175 cm tall and weigh 70 kg."
"And your looks?"
"About a 3 out of 10, I guess. I’m not good-looking. If I were, I’d have my camera on."
[Bro’s self-rating sounds brutally honest.]
[A 3 is just an average guy. Guess you have no shot at landing a sugar mama with those stats.]
[Why do I get the feeling this guy is actually normal?]
Zhang Zhe found it strange, too. He’d been about to ask the guy if he played Genshin Impact.
’But he really does sound like a normal person.’
Still, he needed to confirm a few more things.
"Do you have a general idea of what you’re looking for? You’re a dentist, which is a stable profession with high earning potential. In the dating market for your bracket, you should be top-tier."
"Top-tier?" The guy sounded a little surprised. "But a while ago, I went to a local Matchmaker, and she said it would be hard for me to find someone if I get any older."
"That’s impossible." Zhang Zhe pointed to himself. "I’m a few years older than you, and I’m just now reaching my peak in the matchmaking world."
"Just look at how many women are in my stream every day, waiting for a chance to be matched with me."
"The ones in your stream... isn’t that just for show?"
"It’s the same off-stream. To be honest, more than one rich woman has offered to be my sugar mama."
"But I’m not as handsome as you, Brother Zhang."
"Hey, come on, man. There’s no need for that." Zhang Zhe shook his head. No man could resist a compliment on his looks from another man, so he had to feign some humility. "Being handsome just makes it easier to be a kept man. For guys in the dating market, what really matters are your tangible assets."
"Which city are you living in now? I feel like as long as it’s not Beijing, Shanghai, or Shenzhen, you’ve got a solid fighting chance anywhere else."
"In Jinchuan. It’s considered a third-tier city, I guess."
"Then you’ve definitely got no problem." Zhang Zhe had some experience with matchmaking himself. "With your stats, in your local area, you should be able to have your pick of the litter, as long as you’re not trying to date up."
"That’s a relief to hear, Brother Zhang. Bro, what kind of person do you think I should be looking for?"
"I haven’t really dated. I used to be a total simp for this one girl, but then she went abroad, so I stopped."
[You’re doing it wrong, bro. You should have chased her abroad and kept on simping.]
[If she could emigrate through legitimate channels, it means she’s not in your social class. Simping would’ve been useless anyway.]
[If he’s really a 3, then simping was probably his only option back in school.]
"This simping thing must have been back when you were a student, right? Was the girl very pretty?"
"Yes, yes, very pretty. I fell for her during my degree-completion program."
"That’s fine." Zhang Zhe waved his hand dismissively. "Being a simp before you’ve entered the real world is nothing to be ashamed of. Just think of that girl as a teacher who taught you a valuable life lesson."
"Remember this, bro: when you’re going on these dates, never use the same mindset you would for a romantic relationship. Romance and matchmaking are two completely different paths, polar opposites."
"Romance is about give and take. Matchmaking is about exchange and complementarity. The fundamental logic is different, so don’t get them confused."
"If you start simping for your blind dates, then you’re truly a lost cause."
Zhang Zhe was being restrained.
If someone were to simp for a woman on a blind date, they’d rank high on the national leaderboard of ultimate simps.
"Okay, Brother Zhang, I get what you mean." The guy’s tone was serious; one could almost picture his solemn face on the other end of the call. "But there are a lot of women with similar stats to mine. With my personality, what type should I be looking for?"
"Should I look for someone career-oriented, or someone family-oriented? When I was busy being a simp, I never considered any of this."
[Simps only care about looks.]
[This kid was definitely just focused on taking matters into his own hands back then.]
[I can’t believe I never considered this when I got married. Big mistake, big mistake.]
"You want my advice? Hold on, let me think."
Zhang Zhe said he was thinking, but he was actually waiting for a prompt from his system.
Normally, when a matchmaking candidate appeared and said a few words, the system would provide him with intel.
Even if it was low-value intel, it should still give him *something*.
[Host detected in communication with a member of the same sex.]
[Switch to same-sex marriage mode? Same-sex marriage is not legally protected in the Host’s current region. To continue using this system in subsequent marital stages, the Host will need to move to the Island Province or overseas...]
"No!"
"System, permanently block the same-sex marriage option for me!"
Zhang Zhe was startled by the damn system. Luckily, he was paying close attention, or he might have screwed everything up.
[Same-sex mode has been blocked!]
[Non-matchmaking scenario detected. Have fun, Host!]
’Fuck you...’
Zhang Zhe decided to let it go. The system was designed to safeguard his own marriage; it wasn’t meant to help others, so it wasn’t technically in the wrong.
He could only look down at the reference materials the matchmaking agency’s boss had given him.
Boss He had originally provided these to him for free, seeing as Zhang Zhe was looking for a partner himself:
*"30 Things Guys Shouldn’t Do on a Blind Date"*
*"When Your Blind Date is a Sugar Mama"*
*"An Analysis of Ecological Niches in Male-Female Matchmaking"*
*"Spending Money on a Blind Date is the Lowest Form of Mating Tactic; Real Masters Use These Tricks"*
Zhang Zhe scanned the titles, but none seemed suitable to recommend. The guy on the stream wasn’t ready for these advanced tutorials yet.
"Bro, let me test your current level first. When you meet a girl for the first time on a blind date, what kind of gift do you usually bring?"
"I..." The man thought for a moment. "Is a bouquet of flowers okay? Or maybe a Labubu? I hear those are really popular right now."
"A Labubu?" Zhang Zhe was shocked.
"Is that too cheap? What about a purse, then?"
"You want to give her a purse?" Zhang Zhe laughed in exasperation. "You’re going to give her a purse on the very first date?"
"Did that girl you simped for train you to be like this? Or were you just born this way?"
"I..." The guy tried to explain, but someone had already lost his patience.
"Forget it. I don’t care how you ended up like this. Next time you go on a blind date, you stand up straight. No more kneeling." Zhang Zhe said with a frown, "You’re going empty-handed!"