This Gender Reversed World Ain’t for Me (RSM)

I've noticed the patrol car a few times now, cruising through the neighborhood at a crawl's pace. It never seemed out of place at first—police presence here wasn't uncommon. But for them to circle this particular neighborhood twice in a row, aimlessly, and then park two houses down and remain there for approximately one hour?

I didn't want to read too much into it, but I decided to see what's up. I couldn't see who was inside because of the heavily-tinted glass, but after ten minutes of patient watching, it didn't appear the driver was planning on making a move anytime soon.

The engine was on idle and the lights weren't flashing, but still.

"Hmm..."

I picked my phone and texted a number I had quite left untouched lately.

—Is that you, Val?

—...

—What's up with the car?

—How do you know it's me?

—Lucky guess.

—Stay inside.

—Nah, fuck that. I'm coming out. Drive me around.

—No, Damien. Stay inside! No, where are you—

I slipped my phone into my pocket and headed downstairs, completely disregarding the stern text. I told myself I was just looking for excitement, and it wasn't everyday I had the opportunity to drive around with a real cop. I made my way over with haste. I'm sure Valeria didn't really need to remain inconspicuous, especially not from me.

I knocked on her window, causing the policewoman inside to jump up with a visible startle.

Her shock grew into an expression of pure apprehension. She sighed as she rolled down the window. "... Can't I do anything to convince you?"

"Nope." I said cheerfully. "Drive me somewhere."

"... Really, you just don't listen." Valeria was the embodiment of what one might call the long-suffering, the tortured, the oppressed. As much as she could probably arrest me and take me to the precinct for not listening to a police officer's direct orders, she had apparently taken a fancy to the 'fun, defiant little brother' she suddenly had, and a bit of her irritation dissipated, if the tug on her lips was any indication of that. "Where do you want to go?"

"Is your shift over? We could just grab a coffee." I proposed, shrugging nonchalantly.

Valeria stared at me with an incredulous expression. "Are you... asking me on a date?"

"... Coffee doesn't have to mean a date." I laughed nervously.

"A-A-Alright." She seemed like she didn't even believe herself when she blurted out the answer, clearing her throat. "Let me change out of uniform, then we can go."

"No, no... you don't have to change, Val, it's fine. I like how the uniform looks on you." I told her casually.

"I've yet to shower and I've been sweating the entire day. I probably smell—"

"Good." I finished for her. "You're wearing perfume?"

"Yes..." She gulped, quite lamely. "And... do you like it?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I tilted my head, eyes narrowing in that tell-tale teasing kind of manner as I eased myself into the passenger's seat.

She blushed, turning the car around to take us into the town proper.

This time, the car didn't stall a single time.

As we left the neighborhood, I looked at her. "Were you actually on duty just now?"

"Sort of." Valeria rubbed the steering wheel. "I was given a specific assignment to patrol that block. That's it."

"Really? Just you alone?"

She nodded. "Well, crime rates are at a historically low point, especially here. But we still have our protocol to adhere to."

"I'll take your word for it." I shrugged, looking outside of the window. The area was rather suburban in nature. Large mansions, well-manicured lawns, all laid in neat, seemingly unbroken rows. If one looked hard enough, a trail of greenery would've snaked between it all. "I really hope I'm not bothering you, though. This looks like it should've been a lone activity."

"You could bother me anytime." She said quietly. "I mean, uh, no. Not exactly. I mean—there's no one else, uh, beside myself, right now. So there is nothing more you could've, could've..."

'Okay, okay, I'm getting a headache with the amount of stumbling you're doing here.'

"...So, yes... you are bothering me." She eventually blurted out. "But that is fine. I... welcome it."

"Okay...?"

Awkward silence, one that I wasn't sure if I should interrupt with the radio.

There was a mortified blush on her face, though, which was kind of cute considering that she was supposed to be, what, ten years my senior? At the very least she should be more adept than this. A mature woman slash police officer.

I must've been staring at her partially illuminated profile longer than I intended, for she intermittently turned to glance at me, back at the road, then back at me, her expressions fluctuating between embarrassed, self-conscious and happy. "Something, something on my face, Damien?"

"Nothing, Val. You're good."

"Then can you please, just..." She sighed, as she made a sharp turn at an intersection. Apparently we're driving a long way out of the suburbs for our coffee run. Fine by me. "... Can you please, um, stop looking at me like that? I'm nervous. Very."

She emphasized that with a jittery laugh.

"Ah." I smiled apologetically. "My bad, officer. Would you like me to look in the opposite direction, then?"

"If... you would. That'd be much appreciated."

I did look away, just for the sake of it.

Valeria almost swallowed her tongue, before making the executive decision that the radio should be turned on.

And by some miracle, she managed to find one that played chill acoustic music.

Once again, I found myself inspecting the inside of the police car. There was a bag on the backseat, likely with a change of clothes. Besides the equipment and all the technology, it looked the same as an average vehicle. Then I caught sight of a pair of binoculars tucked away on a corner of the front console.

"Do you use this to perhaps spy on your neighbors?" I pointed them out and inquired as innocently as I could.

"O-Of course not." She immediately defended. "Damien, those are strictly for field usage."

"So you can spy on people when you're on the job, right?"

I found myself wondering if she had actually spied on me before. Or was she given a direct order to watch over me.

"Yes, but it's a regulated and necessary part of police work. Only for a specific purpose."

"What about when you're off duty?" I teased.

"Never." She even dislodged one hand off the wheel to wave it around for emphasis. "And before you ask, no, we don't have hidden cameras in the streetlights or microphones in the trash cans, if that's what you're thinking." She shot me a brief, playful glare before returning her focus to the road. "We save that for the high-profile male residents."

"What do you consider high-profile?" I leaned back.

"Men with extremely important political ties, from highly influential families, influencers, some singers and actors." She listed them off. "Men under custody or witness protection, or at risk of kidnapping."

"Ah." I nodded slowly. "So that's how it is."

She gave me a sideways glance, a little surprised by my reaction. "You're not... bothered by it?"

"Why would I be?"

"I... don't know. I thought you might find it... intrusive."

"You're just doing your job, right? Protecting the asset."

There was a beat of silence.

"The asset..." Valeria repeated.

"Maybe one day I'll have to count on you." I smiled, looking at her. "If I ever get into trouble."

"I'll be there."

She said that with so much conviction that I almost had to stop myself from asking her to marry me.

The car drove for another few minutes before pulling into a small, almost hidden parking lot behind a brick building.

The coffee shop was called "The Daily Grind".

xXx

Valeria

Damien was the most weirdly calm man she had ever met. Weird. Calm. Inexplicably charming. But also dangerously naive, which was a trait she found herself both incredibly endearing and terrifying at the same time.

He wasn't suspicious of her, or her intentions. He wasn't wary of anyone, which gave the older woman just the slightest nudge of hope that not all men had some innate aversion to women.

The Daily Grind wasn't exactly full, and even if it were, it wasn't the kind of place you'd expect a police officer and a nineteen-year-old male to be seen together at.

The barista—a bubbly, pink-haired girl named Lila—immediately perked up when she saw him walk in. Her smile was so wide and bright.

Valeria resisted the urge to put her arm around him in a display of territorial ownership. She was a police officer, for God's sake. She was supposed to be professional.

But this wasn't exactly a professional setting.

"Officer Valeria! Long time no see!" The barista chirped. "And who's this handsome young man you've brought with you?"

"This is my friend, Damien." She said, trying to keep her tone casual. Perhaps friend wasn't the right term either; and if she were to be given enough time for introspection, she would've struggled to come up with any other title for their relationship. Still, Damien didn't refute her words. "We're just here for some coffee."

Damien smiled at Lila, those damn eyes of his doing their magic trick again. "Nice to meet you."

Lila blushed, fumbling with the coffee machine. "Nice to meet you too! I-It's an honor to, uh, meet you, Damien. I'm Lila~" Her sing-song tone made it clear that she was very, very interested. And very, very flustered.

She had a 'Please be my baby daddy' sign practically blinking on her forehead.

"Two black coffees, please." Damien said, before Valeria could even open her mouth to order, or to berate the barista into behaving herself.

"Right away!"

As Lila prepared their drinks, Valeria couldn't help but notice how Damien eased himself on the stool, completely unfazed the attention slowly shifting towards the sole male in the room.

It was her first time seeing a male so comfortable around women, in public. He didn't shrink. He didn't stutter. He didn't look like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He was... normal.

She had to admit, that was incredibly attractive.

And perhaps a little unsettling, because it meant that his approachable attitude wasn't solely reserved for her, and it would be too easy for any woman to take advantage of that.

The coffee was ready in no time. Lila handed them over, her eyes lingering on Damien. "Here you go, Damien. It's on the house."

"I appreciate it." Damien smiled, eyes closed and perfect white teeth showing. "I'll be sure to come back again soon."

Lila's face gained color like a thermometer's mercury skyrocketing through the roof. "I'll be waiting!"

"Ahem, I-I'll pay... no need for that." Valeria said, trying to regain some control of the situation. "I can—"

"Come on now, Val." Damien didn't speak as much as he purred, eyes crinkled. "Lila said it's on the house. Don't ruin her good intentions."

Lila nearly fainted for the second time today.

"......" Valeria swallowed, regretting the coffee. Maybe she should have gotten a bottle of water or a chamomile.

Damien led her to a corner booth.

All the way there, every single woman they passed by turned to catch one last glimpse of the elusive, highly sought-after, holy grail of the current day—a man who possessed not only the desirable qualities, but also knew how to utilize them, and do it with such grace.

'Oh, you're all doomed.'

Valeria could've sworn she just aged ten years in ten seconds.

'And so am I... probably...'

She sat there, burning her tongue on coffee and chewing the inside of her cheeks as her mind went rampant. Damien was quietly looking at her as he stirred his coffee.

It was true what her mother used to say about men.

'It takes only one to shake the entire tree. And then everyone will be eating its fruit, including the snake.'

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