Synthetic Shinobi (A Naruto and Nier Crossover Fanfiction)

Naruto landed lightly on the rooftop of the gallery, where some enemy ninja were nervously approaching her. Their faces were flushed, though Naruto assumed it was due to fear. Must be her overwhelming coolness.

With a few stiff, robotic taijutsu attacks, she dispatched the enemies with ease. They dropped to the ground, unconscious, but strangely enough, each of them had nosebleeds.

Naruto tilted her head again, looking at them curiously. "I didn't even touch their noses. Why are they having nosebleeds?" She shrugged, chalking it up to yet another weird thing she didn't need to understand.

Then, with determination in her glowing eyes, she approached one of the four ninja holding the purple chakra cube. Without hesitation, she kicked him hard in the neck, and the entire structure shattered like glass.

Inside, Orochimaru's eyes widened in shock as he saw her. His scowl deepened as he yelled, "Summoning: Reanimation!"

Three coffins began to rise from the ground, but Hiruzen, quick on his feet, managed to attack the third one, sending it crashing back into the earth before it could open.

The lids of the other two coffins creaked open, and two figures stepped out. One was clad in red armor, the other in blue. Both wore expressions of bewilderment.

"Brother," the one in red muttered, rubbing his forehead. "I thought I was dead."

"Same here," the one in blue replied. "This appears to be my own reanimation jutsu…"

Hiruzen's face darkened as he recognized them. "Orochimaru… what have you done?"

"Saru—"

"Oooh, Zombies, awesome." Naruto grinned slightly.

The one in blue, his eyes sharp and calculating, glanced around before his gaze fell on Naruto. His eyes widened slightly in surprise. "2B?!"

Naruto, unfazed, struck a dramatic pose, her voice monotone as always. "Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage. Dattebayo."

The one in red blinked at her, then glanced over to his brother. "An Uzumaki, eh?" He grinned before his expression shifted into one of deep concern. He sighed heavily. "Is this some kind of new generation fashion?"

"Huh?"

The man in red pointed at her with a serious expression. "Why are you butt-naked, child?"

Naruto blinked once. Then twice. And then again, a bit slower, as if she was waiting for her brain to catch up with the situation. She quickly glanced down, and sure enough, she was completely, undeniably, and most horrifyingly butt-naked. The panic set in fast and hard. Her hands darted to cover herself, one across her chest and the other awkwardly cupping between her legs. She bent her knees slightly, trying to fold herself like some kind of weird, stiff pretzel, but it only made her look more ridiculous. She wiggled her thighs together, hoping that might help, but it didn't. Nothing helped.

"DATTEBAYO!" she muttered in disbelief, her face… blackening…? Uh… flushing with ink for probably the first time in her android life. A cold breeze she hadn't noticed before brushed against her exposed skin, and that was it—her body tensed like a spring. This was a full-blown crisis.

Thinking quickly—or as quickly as her brain allowed—Naruto made the hand signs with lightning speed and puffed out a dozen shadow clones. "There! Fixed!" she thought, relieved. Except... they were all naked too.

All the Narutos stared at each other in wide-eyed horror for a split second before they all erupted into synchronized, robotic screams. "Waaaaaahhh!"

The stadium echoed with the sound of a dozen robotic Narutos flailing in naked panic, their arms and legs flapping like malfunctioning wind-up toys. One clone tried to cover another clone, but that just made things worse because no one was covered, and it became this weird, naked human pyramid situation that was both completely useless and tragically hilarious.

Orochimaru, standing off to the side, was slowly losing his mind. His left eye twitched. "Will someone please shut her up?" he hissed through clenched teeth.

Meanwhile, the reanimated Hokages were looking on in total confusion. Hashirama, the one with the long, flowing brown hair, tilted his head to the side like a curious puppy. "Tobirama," he muttered to his brother, "is she your grandchild or something? She kinda has your hair…"

Tobirama, the grumpy-looking white-haired brother, furrowed his brow. "That is my hair. I made 2B with a lot of things," he mumbled under his breath before faking a loud, deliberate cough. He straightened up, trying to regain his stern composure. "Ahem. It appears some crazy Uzumaki got 2B, at least they are better than the Uchiha. Anyways, back to business." His eyes shifted back to Orochimaru, clearly eager to move on. "What do you want?"

"I want this brat to shut up and obey me!" Orochimaru snapped, finally losing his patience. He quickly formed a hand sign, his frustration bubbling over. "Make her obey me!"

"Wait—!" Tobirama started, but it was too late. His eyes clouded over, and his hands weaved through the necessary hand signs with robotic precision. His movements were stiff and jerky, just like Naruto's.

Naruto, still tangled in her mess of naked clones, blinked in confusion. Hashirama, who was still trying to figure out what was happening, just scratched his head. Hiruzen, however, looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

Tobirama pointed his hand straight at Naruto and barked, "Seal!"

For a moment, there was total silence. Naruto, her clones, and everyone else just froze in place. For a moment, she forgot that she was naked. A tumbleweed practically rolled by.

Naruto glanced behind her, her stiff body still locked in that awkward, half-covered position, and then she cocked her head, genuinely perplexed. "Dattebayo?"

Orochimaru's eye twitched again. "Great," he muttered sarcastically. "Naruto Uzumaki, kill the Sandaime!"

Naruto blinked. Then, in a flash, she vanished from her spot, moving so fast it was like she hadn't even been there. She reappeared directly behind Hiruzen, the Third Hokage. Hiruzen tensed, his battle-hardened reflexes kicking in as he prepared to dodge the incoming attack, ready to defend himself.

But instead of an attack, all he got was a stiff, robotic "Boo," whispered awkwardly into his ear.

The whole arena fell into a deep, collective confusion. Orochimaru, the Hokages, the ANBU—everyone just stared at Naruto, their faces a mix of bewilderment and disbelief.

Naruto blinked slowly, her robotic expression never changing. "Hmm," she thought to herself. "I guess that joke wasn't good enough."

Orochimaru finally snapped, his voice shrill and full of fury. "Why isn't she listening to me?! Why isn't she killing him?!"

Naruto suddenly jerked into motion, moving like an actor in a bad high school play. She took a stiff step forward and swung her arm in a wide, exaggerated arc, missing Hiruzen by a mile. Her head twisted in jerky, mechanical movements, and she let out an awkward, monotone "Hiyah!" as she kicked the air about three feet to the left of where anyone was standing.

She started doing a weird, interpretive dance, flailing her arms dramatically, rolling her head around, and spinning in slow, awkward circles. Her naked clones, still gathered around, tried to copy her but were equally terrible at it. They all looked like malfunctioning robots trying to do taijutsu practise in zero gravity.

Hashirama, watching the spectacle, suddenly burst into deep, uncontrollable laughter. He doubled over, clutching his sides, tears streaming down his face. "She's— she's got a good sense of humor!" he wheezed, barely able to breathe between his guffaws.

Naruto stopped her odd performance for a moment, striking a 'cool' pose. "I aim to be Hokage after all. Dattebayo."

Hashirama, still laughing, nodded his head enthusiastically. "I bet you can be a great one!"

"I'll be the greatest Hokage, old man," Naruto replied, her robotic voice somehow managing to sound both confident and monotone at the same time.

Join my Discord Server: .gg/X7sphRUsxJ